AIBU to wonder if I have hit a wall from overwork?

[CollectingAllTheACEs]

Posting in here for traffic...

I have ASD and have a long history of anxiety and depression, largely due to trauma (see username). I do take medication and it's all feels fairly well-controlled at the moment other than I'm anxious about my current situation. I'm 40 but in surgical menopause due to a hysterectomy last year (I'm on oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone - don't think my current feeling is anything to do with that). I generally take care of myself, eat well, take ALL the vitamins and supplements and used to go to the gym but life has taken over...I am on my feet a lot all week though.

I do work two jobs due to being single with an expensive mortgage, recent CoL rises, and the fact that yes I like nice clothes, holidays, etc. I've always been willing to do what I need to keep myself in a comfortable lifestyle. Job 1 is an NHS middle management role, and Job 2 is in a pub. In total I should be working around 48 hours a week. But last week due to an urgent report being needed, and then there being a festival at the pub, I ended up doing around 70 (including a 03:30 finish on Sunday/Monday).

I generally thrive off being busy and a bit under pressure, and pride myself on being resilient, but although I felt fine Monday and yesterday (a bit tired) I feel absolutely terrible today. I am just so, so tired, everything aches, and I have a little bit of a sore throat. I don't know if I'm coming down with something or I've just hit some kind of wall.

I just feel like I have no room or energy to do things like cleaning, washing, etc. and it's making me so anxious that my house is a mess, the garden desperately needs something doing to it, and also I'm trying to start a relationship with someone new who obviously wants some of my time too. To make it worse I'm away this weekend all weekend (football) and then helping at a charity event the following weekend. I do have a holiday booked on the 13th June but that feels ages away.

Don't know what I'm looking for or even why I started this thread but surely it shouldn't be this hard when I don't even have kids!

You have a lot going on, and are working a lot of hours with menopause on top. I think it’s reasonable you’d be tired and need a day to reset. I don’t think that’s about over work as such, more trying to spread yourself really thin. I also think the hot weather tires you out more quickly.

Can you give yourself a day to rest before what sounds like a busy weekend? Don’t underestimate the impact of menopause, even a well managed one. I know I’m much more easily tired now than pre menopause.

Most of these things which are exhausting you seem to be your choice, start cutting back on commitments if you are struggling.

@Jellycatspyjamas thank you, I will be able to physically rest between now and Friday when I need to travel to London (although will be on a train for 2.5 hours so not exerting myself!) but all the physical rest in the world doesn't seem to help! I've cancelled my plans for tonight but will have fairly intensive days mentally today, tomorrow and Friday as my main job involves a fair bit of responsibility and working with complex information. I've requested to use some TOIL Friday afternoon but that's going to be for housework and getting my hair cut!

@Locutus2000 it just seems that a lot of things have piled up at once, but they are mostly fun things which I don't want to cancel due to me literally having no social life most of the time...

Once I'm back from holiday I don't think I have any concrete plans for a couple of weeks other than working, so will make sure I don't add any more!

Physical rest is one kind but mental rest is also important - it takes energy to be constantly “on”. You need to schedule down time where you can set down the responsible job and the physical activity. It’s why we need things like annual leave and weekends. If you’re in a busy time then yes, you’re going to be tired and I get the need for some kind of social life (which hopefully gives you some mental rest). I think as a society we’ve forgotten or downplayed the need for real down time.

Did you have to work at the pub until 3am both nights at the weekend? Basically it looks to me as if you have structured your life to keep you busy enough because you generally thrive on that level, but because of both jobs having a peak and some social engagements you’ve burnt out. I certainly don’t have those level of commitments but I know with me I enjoy busy periods with work and socialising until the point where I don’t and then I feel burnt out and need to be home alone.

I would block some evenings and weekends out in your calendar to keep as free time when you spot busy periods.

Unfortunately a lot of the time my brain refuses to turn off - I strongly suspect that I have ADHD as well as ASD, it's absolutely exhausting....

I do have an abroad holiday booked from 13-20 June, which hopefully should be relaxing, breakfast, pool, lunch, pool, gym, dinner and drinks...

You need to pace yourself. Doing so much at job 2 has rendered you unfit for job 1. That’s not right or fair or desirable long term. The heat this week won’t have helped either.

Sore throat? Covid caught at the pub surely?

every time I’ve had Covid it’s completely exhausted me

I just had it about two months ago and it started with a cough that time followed by total exhaustion and then a tummy bug... this definitely feels different though