Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to feel let down by an unfulfilled babysitting offer?

44 replies

RoseHiker · 26/05/2026 23:06

I went on holidays recently with my family (15 month old and 14 year old).

My parents and sis also booked in.

My mother mentioned to my sister she wanted to mind the baby while me and my partner went for dinner one evening as we rarely get out together.

She offered to take my baby an evening my partner took our son to theme park.

I said the following evening would work for us but it never happenend and I am feeling a bit let down and upset. I did hint the next day it would nice to get some time together.

To be clear we did not bring parents to babysit. We booked on at later stage. I wouldnt have expected anything if it was not initially offered.

What is more annoying is everyone keeps saying oh you must had lots of babysitting while you were away. Tbh not really. I think thats why its still on my mind.

Why offer and not do it :(

OP posts:

Foraor · 27/05/2026 08:32

Chunkychips23 · 27/05/2026 07:55

We had this on a holiday recently. Once in a lifetime thing which we initially planned as our honeymoon, but then two babies later, kept postponing and then turned into a family holiday. It was a destination my mum had always wanted to go to as well, so invited herself along. We didn’t expect any babysitting at all, but asked if she’d watch the kids one night when they were in bed whilst we went out for my husbands birthday. A 2hr dinner. She countered and said she’d watch them whilst we had breakfast alone in our room and she’d have them in her room whilst we ate. Prior to the holiday she’d offered to have them for a few evenings during the 14 day holiday, but then didn’t want to. “It’s my holiday too”

YANBU - it’s disappointing when you’re let down.

But again, use your words. If you didn’t want her along, or would only tolerate her presence if she formally agreed to babysit x number of times, that was the time to say so. No one can actually ‘invite themselves along’.

CaptainBeefheartspal · 27/05/2026 08:38

How frustrating that you couldn’t just come out and ask one of them for help directly. Maybe practise this (some people find this difficult). It’s all on you I’m afraid but at least you know for next time if there’s another holiday.

Octonaut4Life · 27/05/2026 08:44

So your mum said she'd babysit. You said not tonight, can we do tomorrow instead? She said yes. And then at no point the following day did you say "hey mum, just checking you're still ok to babysit, me and Dave would like to book a restaurant for half seven if that's okay?"

That's 100% on you, your mum probably just assumed you'd changed your mind if she made a definite offer and you never mentioned it again.

Larrythecatforpm · 27/05/2026 08:55

All on you I’m afraid for not using your words & hinting. You only let yourself down really.

SeaBaseAlpha · 27/05/2026 08:55

I feel for you OP. We have the same situation on in our family. We don’t live that close to any family so would not expect regular babysitting (of course, wouldn’t expect it at all, it’s our choice to have a child), but family members keep saying they would be happy to babysit.

Except on the extremely rare occasions we do ask there’s always a reason why they can’t do it. The most recent occasion, we booked a night away in a hotel for DH’s birthday, having checked with MIL and FIL that they were happy to have DD. All fine. Then 12 hours after booking it MIL backtracked and said she would be having an outing earlier in the week which would likely sap her energy and so wouldn’t be up to having DD (and FIL would not be able to help because he has nothing to do with child care). So that was that. It actually really upsets me. I would rather they said no right from the outset: to have the promise of babysitting and then not follow through with it is worse.

KitsyWitsy · 27/05/2026 08:58

I dont understand why you couldn't just leave them? One is 14?!?!?!?! That child can watch the other, surely?

Mum2Fergus · 27/05/2026 08:59

I’d say this is on you OP.

HoppityBun · 27/05/2026 09:00

What is more annoying is everyone keeps saying oh you must had lots of babysitting while you were away. Tbh not really. I think thats why its still on my mind.

Are you saying that if people didn’t make these comments you wouldn’t have been bothered and wouldn’t have posted here?

Lurkingandlearning · 27/05/2026 09:56

perhaps she’d changed her mind about looking after both children at the same time. Offering for the evening your eldest was at the theme park meant she was sort of keeping to her offer even though it was of no use to you.

toomuchfaff · 27/05/2026 12:54

RoseHiker · 26/05/2026 23:16

I am the type of person that doesn't like to ask. I wait for the offer :(

There's your issue.

Find your voice. People who rely on other people to be mind readers mostly never get what they need or want or expect.

harriethoyle · 27/05/2026 12:59

RoseHiker · 26/05/2026 23:16

I am the type of person that doesn't like to ask. I wait for the offer :(

Oh for goodness sake. Don't be such a martyr. I have a mental image of you drooping around, sighing heavily, and looking mournful about the lack of a night out but denying anything is wrong when asked.

Ask or stop moaning. It's simple.

Seriously12 · 27/05/2026 13:01

Tell the truth that it didn't happen.

MyMilchick · 27/05/2026 13:06

RoseHiker · 26/05/2026 23:22

I did. I said tomorrow night instead

And that night why didn't you say, hey mom me and DH would love to try X restaurant tonight, are you still OK to babysit?

VanillaIceIceBaby · 27/05/2026 13:08

What is more annoying is everyone keeps saying oh you must had lots of babysitting while you were away. Tbh not really. I think thats why its still on my mind.

I think I’d waffle on about babysitting being an advantage if someone told me that their sister and mother had booked themselves on an already arranged family holiday. What I would want to say is something like ‘how awful’ or ‘cheeky bastards’ so saying stuff about babysitting is far more polite.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/05/2026 13:11

Hints are very irritating I’m afraid. That might have put her off in itself.

You needed to just ask the following day (the day you wanted the babysitting) - “Mum, thanks for the offer of babysitting tonight . We were thinking of going out at X time, does that work for you?”

SingtotheCat · 27/05/2026 16:21

She sounds really mean.
Don’t take her on holiday with you next time.

springtome · 27/05/2026 21:04

We used to go on holiday with my in laws. We used to pop to the shops (via the pub) some afternoons for an hour but every evening they went out just before kids bedtime and came back kust after kids went to sleep. Either offer to babysit or stay out long enough that we got a little time together would have been nice. It always annoyed me that just as we snuggled up on the sofa they came in and turned the tv over to something rubbish 😂

AImportantMermaid · 29/05/2026 13:19

OP, you’re being completely unreasonable. People aren’t mind readers. If you want babysitting you should have asked. The worst that can happen is a no.

Branleuse · 29/05/2026 13:42

I think that you could be clearer in your requests. You did actually say to her when she offered that tomorrow night would work better.
I think that if when she offered, you had said " that's so brilliant of you to offer! I don't need you tonight but can you do tomorrow night instead, I'll book the restaurant if you are sure"

I think that would have been a lot clearer but still sounds grateful

Flip

1 2