Dh and I have fallen into a big rut. Parenting and working with no family support and no breaks. Trying to renovate a house and not even sleeping in the same bed due to his horrific snoring. Sex is once a month roughly due to barriers he puts up such as only being able to do it when the dc aren’t about or being too tired. He does have some health issues on that side too which is fair enough. We bicker, we do the whole competitive misery thing, there’s frustration and basically the daily grind has well, ground us down.
I realise this paints quite a bleak picture but there is still a lot of love between us. We work as a team, we do our fair share each and I do still love him. I had a bit of an epiphany recently where I realised I want to try and improve things but if I try to talk to him about it he’ll sort of sigh and say ‘what are you talking about we’re fine’. If I try to suggest a suitable time for more sex he will ‘see how he feels’ and the lack of enthusiasm for that is quite crushing. If he snaps at me as has become normal with us I’m trying very hard to just walk away and not bite back like I normally would or say something like ‘please don’t talk to me like that.’ Despite trying, I don’t think things are any better. I went over to give him a cuddle tonight and looked disinterested so I just walked off and he accused me of being childish.
I don’t want a row with him but I do want to say something that might make him think a bit. Along the lines of ‘there will come a time when I will be done with the way you speak to me and this lack of intimacy and rut we’ve fallen into and when that time comes I hope you will realise that I have tried to improve things and you haven’t.’
I wonder if any wise MNers could give me some more tips on addressing this not in a confrontational way or a big serious discussion but something that might make him stop in his tracks and think.