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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband smoking weed aibu

19 replies

Anonymous23458d · 26/05/2026 21:31

My husband has told me I am a hypocrite just asking for opinions.
He has started smoking weed again, bareing in my we aren't financially in a good place and trying to sell our house.
We have a 1 yo and 4 yo who i look after full-time. After our recent argument about him smoking weed again which I found out about a few weeks ago after him lying to me, hes told me I need to get a job now as hes not supporting me anymore because he wants to leave me. This all started after last night. He normally goes out every single night with his friends after the kids go to bed so im on my own. Last night he said he'll take me for a date. Little did I know this date consisted of walking around a pond/ lake with all roudy kids around half naked and taking drugs or getting drunk whilst he got high and we walked around it. I was really upset when I found out as soon as I got in the car and smelt it. I thought there was a chance at connection and to talk about the issues we had that have been festering for me. I thought it would've brought us closer.
I couldn't hide my discomfort at being in that situation I just wanted to go home which I expressed. I didnt want to walk around whilst he smoked that after a hard day of dealing with small children. He started getting angry and walking ahead and I walked the other way. In the end I lost him and rang him to come and pick me up in the car, which we had driven there. He said no I need to walk all the way to him and the car. Which I couldn't do as my feet were killing me. In the end he wouldn't get me said my behaviour is unacceptable and im a miserable person. I had to get a taxi home. Just a horrible evening.
When I got home he said ' you'll not get a penny out of me anymore' you need to get a job and the kids go to nursery full time im not giving you anything because of your behaviour ' when he knows im financially dependant on him which he always wanted me to be because he never agreed with nursery.
This has left me feeling horrible and to top it off hes now saying I cant have an issue with him smoking weed when I have the occasional small glass of wine on special occasions.
To top it off i found out hes lost our 1 year olds pram when he was out with his friends. It had his favourite back pack in the bottom. Its the 3rd thing hes lost this week. He forgot to put it in the car. The friend he was with was sectioned a few years ago and I never would've agreed him to take our 1 yo if I knew it was with him.

OP posts:
Spaghettioverload · 26/05/2026 21:42

Oh my god why are you with this loser?! Get out now!

NotMyDayJob · 26/05/2026 21:44

You are being unreasonable for putting up with this. Your poor children.

Pinkflamingo10 · 26/05/2026 21:52

YABU for putting up with any of this sh*t. You and your children will be better off without him !

PurpleLovecats · 26/05/2026 21:55

Jeez, LTB.

You and your kids deserve so much more.

SapphOhNo · 26/05/2026 21:55

Why do you have such a low bar for yourself and your poor children?

Anonymous23458d · 26/05/2026 21:57

I just feel so trapped. He knows i am financially dependant on him. Prior to having kids we both wanted to homeschool and me stay at home but then when we had kids I found it so much harder, especially with virtually no support apart from financially support from him. He never agreed with nursery so thats why my eldest 4 yo is still with me fulltime but im finding it so hard. They do love their dad but I cant live like this anymore and I feel like they are picking up on the tension around the house. I dont know how to leave. I've been with him for 10 + years. I dont have any income at the minute and our house is shared

OP posts:
Sunisgettinganewhaton · 26/05/2026 21:58

Ltb.
Claim benefits of need be.
Let a judge drug test him before he gets unsupervised access.
He is a druggie.
You are allowing drugs around your dc. If anyone reports you how will you justify that?

TeaPot496 · 26/05/2026 22:00

Is your house owned? Or do you private / HA rent?

Motnight · 26/05/2026 22:03

Does he drive your children when stoned?

Anonymous23458d · 26/05/2026 22:05

We both own the house 50/50 its mortgaged. @teapot496
No I would never accept that @Motnight he does it after the kids go to bed. When he goes out with his friends, although he has been doing it on his own in the evenings too

OP posts:
GrumpyInsomniac · 26/05/2026 22:13

With respect, when you called to ask him to pick you up, he would have been drug driving then. So he’s hardly a responsible driver. And he lied for long enough that I wouldn’t trust that he’s not having a puff at other times of the day.

Fundamentally, you’ve got yourself another manchild who can’t handle being an adult and thought he got you where he wanted you by removing your means of financial independence. Next thing you know, he’ll generously agree to stay with you and support you again the minute you actually have a job offer: right now he’s counting on you getting into line and dropping the subject of his drug use out of fear that he’ll make good on his threats. But that’s an idle threat because right now he’s got all he needs where he needs it.

You are being financially abused, it seems to me. Please look up Women’s Aid’s Freedom Programme and start looking at how you can leave him and give yourself and the children a better, safer life away from this prince among men. Seriously OP. You deserve so much better and, if you won’t believe that for yourself, believe it for the kids.

Anonymous23458d · 26/05/2026 22:18

@GrumpyInsomniac thank you for taking the time to reply to me i appreciate it. I will be contacting women's aid tomorrow but last time i did the wait time was for months for an assessment
Apparently after walking off he didnt smoke it. I found that out on the phone call but he did when he got back to our house he went out again ' on a walk' to do it.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 26/05/2026 22:20

He’s a total loser OP. You need to leave. Get a job, get some money, get the hell out of dodge.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 26/05/2026 22:21

He sounds absolutely vile. A total loser in every way. Get rid op.

Sartre · 26/05/2026 22:23

He sounds like a really gross teenage boy, not a fully grown adult and father. Get the children in school/nursery, ditch that twat, go back to college to retrain or get a job and get your life back on track.

JLou08 · 26/05/2026 22:34

You need to leave. He is awful, he has no respect for you, he acts as though he can't stand you and doesn't care much for your DC.

aquashiv · 26/05/2026 22:52

An immature bully. Plan an escape contact Women's Aid for support

Myfluffyblanket · 26/05/2026 23:32

I'm sorry OP, but it's over. You must separate from him as soon as you have taken advice from Women's Aid, a solicitor or CAB and the police. He sounds like he has a bad temper and could become physically abusive when you tell him.

I know it all sounds and feels overwhelming right now but once you have got your thoughts together (and ALL the paperwork, birth certificates, bank statements, mortgage and housedeeds etc) things will be clearer and you will find you can make life better for both you and your children.
You can do it.

JohnofWessex · 26/05/2026 23:58

If he's stopped when driving it could well be bye bye licence

Plus of course he's a risk to others when driving

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