The one no one particularly likes?

[mariomum243]

Ive got an old group of friends, 7 of us from uni. The others seem to make a lot more effort with one another. A few of them often go out on a night out that I know nothing about , a few of them have recently been away together, I tend to only really be there if it’s a bigger group gathering for an occasion. I do see one of them very very rarely alone.
I think as I’m writing this I know the answer. I’m the one no-one particularly likes aren’t I!

Sympathies op
It took me far too long to realise that I was always the one offering help or to have peoples DC’s, arrange play dates, nights out etc but that it was never reciprocated, or people would do things amongst themselves and leave me out.

I’ve pretty much stopped socialising tbh. I see the odd person alone for a coffee & catch up occasionally, but that’s it. I don’t want to be the one at events that every hopes they don’t end up having to sit next to 😕

If we go away I actually feel like I’m the one they find hard to put in a room with someone. Once on a plane with different people away with us for a hen do they all sat together and I was seated with the strangers we didn’t know that were there with us… @OnceYoureToastYouCanNeverBeBread

So totally get that feeling on everyone hopes they don’t sit next to you!

This isn’t a nice feeling, OP. I think a lot of the time, people lean towards people who make them feel better about themselves. You could be utterly lovely but just a bit too pretty / successful / confident etc etc for them. People get competitive. This has been the issue in pretty every bit of gossip / friendship issue I’ve ever encountered. Lovely women made to feel shit by women who don’t quite like something about them but who won’t admit what.

I definitely think I could make more effort yes and am trying to improve my ways with that. I think things historically happened when I was very in the thick of it all and organising things, that I was left out of and it knocked my confidence with involving myself. Although I will accept it’s 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other possibly.

Reasonably local to lots of them. Which actually makes it worse when I’m not invited!

Maybe it’s time to branch out? Find some new interests and make new friends?

Been doing that too! @BlossomBlossomBlossom just finding it hard to let go of the link to my old ones!

Cut em off and move on, life is too short

The best way to handle this is to try and broaden your social life elsewhere. Start by just getting busy doing things you like anyway - choose the most social forms of keeping fit in ways you like eg running or hiking club, not running or walking alone; yoga classes in person not online etc. Maybe a sociable form of volunteering, or join a craft club or book group - something where there's an opportunity for chatting. Don't expect friendships to grow overnight. they can take months. So focus on things you really want to do or learn. But you will make some new friends from the new things you do, and bit by bit the need to rely on them for socialising will become less important.

I found that because of my undiagnosed probable autism spectrum traits that I am the one . My sis on the other hand is a huge arse lick and I think that's why people like her around . Ironically she is like Catherine Tate's Nan and slags them off to me behind their back . I just can't bring myself to say stuff I know I don't mean as I think I sound so insincere . And if someone suggests something that I don't agree with , I won't participate or have said something stupid like that's not very nice to people . So I just not great in groups as not a great follower.

How much effort do you make to initiate things or keep in touch? If its always up to someone else to include you, you are likely to be on the periphery.

I think you are right @GreenCandleWax

Sorry OP. It can be really upsetting.

I had a couple of friends. I knew they were closer than me and did stuff without me but I thought we were a good group. Then I realised that it was always me who texted first and arranged stuff. So I didn't text. No drama, I literally just didn't text first. 5ish years later and I'm still waiting to hear from them. Literally not a word from them not even a "are you still alive?". It still upsets me and I feel so foolish for thinking we were friends.

No advice but lots of hugs.

OP I have a similar size uni group. The one we see the least is the one who makes the least effort (not because we don't like her).

It's exhausting always trying to organise for 7 people. Inevitably you end up with a date being booked in for 4 or 5 months time. It's much easier to organise with 2 or 3 more available people.

Sometimes it's a case of 'the single ones' or 'the ones with kids' tending to do more together.

Maybe it's that they don't like you but I suspect you would have been ousted a while back if so.

I think this is a likely explanation.
My example would be that I see more of my various cousins than my sister does. She needs to build her own relationships with them and make more effort rather than rely on me to include her in plans I arrange.