AIBU to feel awkward about attending this wedding?

[Kitteninblack]

Been invited to a family member’s wedding (cousin) who I haven’t seen in many years. Whenever I do see them, they don’t really speak to me much. I’m quite confused as to the invitation. My parents are going and they said we can travel with them. They think myself, DH and DC should attend as other family members are going and it’ll look ‘bad’.
I’m assuming it’s just an invite out of duty or politeness. I feel awkward about going.
We saw each other more when our grandparents were alive.

WWYD?

I wouldn’t go
you don’t have any form of relationship with them so no need to bother
aounds like an obligation invite from them

They're probably praying that you say "Sorry we can't make it".

@LeedsLoiner Do you think? I don’t understand why you’d invite people you don’t want there though?

I would go, especially if your parents are going,they are probably inviting family your parents sibling will probably love seeing you.

Why would anybody go to the bother of inviting people if they didn't want them there ?

Perhaps some invitations are issued out of duty, because it’s family, even though it’s extended family that you rarely see.

Thank them for thinking of you and politely decline as you cannot make the date, Maybe send a small gift to them via your DM if she is going. I am sure they have plenty of other people to invite that they see more regularly.

Go if you want to, don't if you don't. It's neither odd for you to have been invited nor for you to decline.

It's pretty standard to invite cousins to weddings and some won't be able to make it. There's no need to overthink either the invitation or your chosen response.

I'd go, I love a wedding.

That aside, they sent you an invitation, no need to over think it. Just take it on face value that they'd like you to attend their wedding if you can make it.

A lot of people feel obligated or forced to invite unwanted people to their wedding, especially if young or if parents are chipping in.
I was made to invite various estranged/total strangers to my wedding.

The polite thing is to decline an obligation invitation.

People get invited to weddings all the time out of "form" or "politeness".
If the OPs parents are invited as "auntie and uncle" then they probably feel obliged to ask the cousins as well.
Not so much a case of not wanting them there, more a case of "if they come OK but we won't lose any sleep if they don't".

It’s because of the fact that you barely see them now that it would be good to go and re-establish contact. It’s nice of them to ask you.

It's not a case of they don't want you, more a case of "obligation" - they've invited your parents so they feel they should invite you.
Of course it could be the other way round and now they're going to be a married couple they may want to reconnect with you as a married couple...

We invited loads of people we knew hoped wouldn't come.
My great aunt with dementia, DH cousins in southern Africa and the other ones in England he never sees who couldn't afford the travel to NI. All family, we needed to ask but weren't bothered if they came.

I'd go.
I invited all my cousins to my wedding with there children and I hardly see them. I've also been invited to one over the summer and am going with one of my DC.
Wedding are about family in our family so we also make an effort for them

Parental pressure. Exactly the same pressure OP is experiencing to attend because it will look bad if she doesn’t.

Family politics, parental pressure…

The parents of the bride / groom may say that they should invite all the family, and that can be difficult for the bride / groom to withstand without arguments and family fallouts, especially if their parents are paying towards the wedding.

Or sometimes the bride / groom will want to invite cousin A as they’re closer to that cousin which then leads to parents etc saying that if they’re inviting one cousin they should invite them all. Or equally if they’re inviting aunts / uncles they may feel obligated to invite the children of those aunts / uncles.

It might be that they would like more of a relationship with you - and think wedding's are about family.

Triple check the invite - they may have included you on your parents invite but may not be expecting your DH and DC.

Bizarre that people are attributing such negative motives to this.

Maybe they are doing it out of obligation
Maybe they want to build closer ties
Maybe they are doing it to please your parents
Maybe they are just being generous

Whatever the reason, its nice of them to invite you but its not obligatory to go. Go if you want, but they won’t be offended if you don’t go. No need for the overthinking.

Personally I would go on the basis that you rarely get opportunities to bring a whole extended family together and what is the downside?

Do you like weddings? If so, go. Be a nice time to catch up with other family members maybe? If you don't want to go, then don't. Send a polite refusal, ask if they have a wedding present list and send a gift.

I never understand why people worry about these things! If you're not close and the whole thing will be a pain in the bum for you then it shouldn't be a worry.

Just say you can't go.

It doesn't matter what your parents think about it, because you're a grown adult and it's not up to your parents to decide whether you attend a bloody wedding or not.

Their parents are probably saying to them what your parents are saying to you- that it will look bad if they don’t invite you.

I would politely decline but also send a card and a gift voucher.

Maybe they are, maybe the couple genuinely want wider family there.

It's really pointless trying to second guess it and work out what the motivation for the invitation is.

OP should just go if she wants to, not if she doesn't and not give it any further thought than that.

My Dds invited wider family to their weddings without prompting or any obligation, maybe the op cousin is the same,