Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to expect my DP's family to check

50 replies

justageek · 22/06/2008 20:13

that its okay to fly up to see us BEFORE telling us they have booked the tickets already?! And also am i being unreasonable to expect my DP to check with me, if they do ask him first?!

I am a bit wound up as today SIL phoned and told DP that her and partner are flying up at the end of august. now dont get me wrong, i like SIL she is lovely and her partner. She is even going to be staying in a B&B which takes the pressure off a bit...

But...the fact remains she is up for the weekend only and will no doubt want to make the most of seeing her neices, PLUS its her birthday on the saturday so no doubt that will involve everyone but me going out to the pub to get pissed (i will be eight months gone) sour grapes

not only that, but that week is my eldests very first week at preschool, and i was hoping to keep the weekend calm after having such a busy week.

I just feel a bit put upon to be honest and a bit, erm...ignored? Would have been nice for someone to say to me, oh is it okay, instead of now thinking of what a hectic week then weekend i will have, when at 8 months gone i will probably just want to go to bed!

OP posts:

DirtySexyMummy · 22/06/2008 21:48

She said they would be coming to visit during the day, yes. I am sure they will want to do their own thing at some point though!

To be honest, i'd find it pretty odd if my siblings and I felt we had to check if we could come and visit one another. Staying over, yes you need to check. But coming for a day visit? You really think this needs to be pre-approved?

FruitfulOfFruit · 22/06/2008 21:49

Staying in a B&B doesn't have to make much difference anyway.

My PILs came to visit when dd was a couple of weeks old. They stayed in a b&b so as not to intrude/exhaust me etc. And then they turned up every morning before we'd had breakfast and stayed till 10pm at night (I cooked). I really didn't notice that they weren't sleeping in my house.

FruitfulOfFruit · 22/06/2008 21:49

DSM - it needs to be pre-approved if you would be upset if they weren't in, yes. If not, no.

JeremyVile · 22/06/2008 21:50

DSM - Do you not check with people that they will be around before you book tickets to see them?

FruitfulOfFruit · 22/06/2008 21:51

Or if you turned up and they said "actually I'm 8 months pg and have 2 small kids and I'm knackered so you can have a cup of tea and sit down for half-an-hour and then you need to go". If that would bother you, you need to pre-arrange!

Sexonlegs · 22/06/2008 21:55

I can see your pov . It is common courtesy to phone and arrange a date isn't it?

I had this argument with my fil. He had a boat mored down near us for a whie, and he would literally just drop in; sometimes I would get home from work/nursery etc and he would be waiting on the drive.

I had it out with him, and he said he shouldn't have to phone and make an appointment to see his grand-daughter

We have a tense relationship..

DirtySexyMummy · 22/06/2008 21:56

JV - not siblings, no.

I am sure they would be available at some point over the weekend. If not, I will enjoy my trip regardless.

Original poster

justageek · 22/06/2008 22:05

I think it all depends on how you are brought up. I know some families that wouldnt bat an eyelid if half the family came over at 7 am in the morning without checking.

As it is, they are coming to see us, just staying in a B&B therefore she should have checked that we were not actually away ourselves or anything like that before actually booking reduced rate, non refundable tickets. Common sense.

The fact that we are NOT going away is irrelevant, we may have been, that is my point.

OP posts:

JeremyVile · 22/06/2008 22:07

But DSM, how would you even know they were going to be about, id you didn't check?

Original poster

justageek · 22/06/2008 22:09

SIL and partner are coming to see us, no other reason. I presume DSM means in relation to if she was in the area she would call in, and if they werent in it wouldnt matter because that wouldnt have been the sole purpose of her trip.

OP posts:

JeremyVile · 22/06/2008 22:13

Yeah, DSM, if you're saying that you just happened to be in the area and would visit if they were about - fair enough. But that's not the scenario here.

DirtySexyMummy · 22/06/2008 22:22

But maybe it is?

My sister lives in Dublin, and sometimes I go over to Dublin. Obviously, when I am there, I want to visit her, and I will tell her I am coming, and hope she can fit in a visit at some point. I won't ask her if I can come to Dublin, its none of her business where I go!

AngelDoll · 22/06/2008 22:24

DSM, I think it safe to say that justageek comes as a package now with her DP? They are not housemates are they?

It is more a matter of courtesy, or manners, that justageek be consulted.

Although I have to say - it was not DP's sister's responsibility to do the consulting. It was DP's...

AngelDoll · 22/06/2008 22:24

DSM, I think it safe to say that justageek comes as a package now with her DP? They are not housemates are they?

It is more a matter of courtesy, or manners, that justageek be consulted.

Although I have to say - it was not DP's sister's responsibility to do the consulting. It was DP's...

JeremyVile · 22/06/2008 22:25

But it's not. justakeek just said so.

Original poster

justageek · 22/06/2008 22:25

No its not the scenario DSM, i live in a teeny village with about 20 houses, one pub and one hotel. They are coming up to visit us, but staying in a B&B because its probably preferrable to sleeping on an air bed in our lounge with our cats and rabbit (sil hates animals). That is how it is.

OP posts:

Original poster

justageek · 22/06/2008 22:26

no we are married, so he is stuck with me for the forseable future , and yes, it was down to DH to check with me, not for her to check with me, i didnt expect that!

OP posts:

AngelDoll · 22/06/2008 22:30

Justageek will be 8 months pg at time of visit! It is right she should be consulted as it inevitable she will be required to hostess.

DirtySexyMummy · 22/06/2008 22:31

Will she?

When I was pregnant I didn't 'hostess' for anyone, DP did.

AngelDoll · 22/06/2008 22:34

However, justageek, come to think of it, it would have been good manners on SIL's part to speak to you too (even first), to ask how you were, tell you she was thinking of a visit etc and find out how it fitted in with you.

Original poster

justageek · 22/06/2008 22:34

That, of course, also depends on wether DH will now get the saturday off work, or else it really will be me doing the 'hostessing' with a face like this:

As he has already had time off work, he can no longer ask for the 1st saturday of august off, where we had arranged to see MY family, to ask for the sat off for his sis, because she lives the further away.

OP posts:

AngelDoll · 22/06/2008 22:38

Yap DSM, justageek did type herself: "and becoming the hostess with the mostess". You may have missed this detail, go back a few posts. .

anneme · 22/06/2008 22:47

yanbu - as others have said it is just common sense to check whether someone will be around before booking tickets. I agree with making DP do LOTS of the work though - his family...

Original poster

justageek · 22/06/2008 22:57

well i think i am being unreasonable, in the sense that we DONT have anything planned, so n the physical sense i am, if you see what i mean, but not really being unreasonable in the emotional sense! I have explained to DH a bit more about it and said it doesnt matter this time and i wont be a cow about it, but next time i would like it if he would make sure and check with me if i am okay with it too, before saying 'we are'! He has promised to do any hostessing, so i may buy him a very embarressing flowery apron and make him wear it on the days she is here as punishment....

(and perhaps with nothing on underneath it later that evening when SIL has gone back to b&b! )

OP posts:

Twelvelegs · 23/06/2008 14:01

DSM, you sound like the SIL from hell!!

Flip

1 2