Wedding help

[itrezcbmko]

My DP and I are getting married. Neither of us want a wedding with professional photography, a sit down meal, speeches etc. DP I think woukd prefer to run off and do it quietly but I want some style of celebration.

It’s been suggested that we go away somewhere with just family. We have quite small families. However, we rarely see my aunt, uncle and cousins despite the claims that we’re close (I see them on Christmas Day, my nieces’ birthdays and otherwise sporadically). If I’m being honest I don’t really like them that much. However, I have close friends, as does DP. I think there nine friends plus their partners I would want to invite, plus whoever DP wanted. But then I couldn’t invite the friends without my family (not without really hurting them, which I wouldn’t want to do).

So now it’s a wedding for 50 people or so, and then when it’s at those numbers, it becomes an insult to the other friends who I know very well and really like, because they haven’t been not invited to a small wedding, but now quite a big one, and it all starts to get out of control.

I’m looking for ideas. What can we do to maintain it being casual and small and informal? I do want some sort of celebrations and do want my friends there.

Why can't you invite the friends rather than distant family? Sometimes friends are the most important people in our lives

I want to say something about this. We’re at that age when we’re going to several 40th anniversary parties and it’s noticeable how few of the friends from the weddings are still in the couples’ lives, including best men and bridesmaids. But siblings and cousins and sometimes older relatives are still there.

When you’re young, you prioritise your friends, but friends come and go and your family will always be your family.

He doesn’t really mind other than he doesn’t want a big party where he feels there’d be lots of attention. So it’s not the ceremony that’s the issue, it’s the whole thing. He wouldn’t want a big celebration party either on the day or afterwards.

He would be happy with our family and closest friends, and whilst I’d be just as happy with a big party, I’m alright with this. But the logistics of how to keep the celebration small whilst also inviting my friends who I want there has got me stumped.

This is lovely and I’d be up for getting married then having a big party, or just inviting everyone to the ceremony followed by an informal party, but he doesn’t want the attention.

This sounds perfect. I think this is what we will look at. I guess a destination wedding naturally means a lot of people won’t come.

We are almost 40. If we made it 40 years I’m sure I’d still be in touch with my cousins, and it isn’t that I don’t love them, because I do. But we rarely see each other.

No. This is the part of your logic that doesn’t work. You can cut off at this point. 50 is still fairly small and everyone knows that choices have to be made at weddings. It really is fine to decide that 50 is what works for you and not invite others.

This 👍🏻

I’d love this but DP really doesn’t want a big celebration and to have attention on him.

Has he ever been at a wedding? How much attention did he actually pay to the groom (unless he was a best man). Most of the time the attention is in short bursts - during the ceremony, speech, the first dance. And that's it. The rest of the time guests are mingling with each other, photographs are taken, people are at the bar or catching up with family they haven't seen since the last wedding.

By all means have some compromises, but don't have everything just to appease him not wanting attention. Cos really, most of the attention is on the bride anyway, the dress, the flowers.

You get to do this with him once, so make sure it's what you want as well.

However you envision your day, is how you should do it.

Don’t worry about others feelings on this one particular occasion.