Stopping contact with 7 year olds father

[Aliplu]

Buckle in this is a long story. I have a 7 year old, her dad and me split before she was 1. Before I was pregnant relocated to scotland with my family (6 hours away from where we lived). Before she turned one (covid) we split and he eventually moved out, it was a very horrible relationship and I was referring to woman's aid by my HV. Anyways he lived closer had her stay 1-2 nights a week, I navigated being a single parent during lockdown and then eventually through my nursing degree. After we split in september he moved back down south, didnt see his daughter at all during covid, saw her may, moved back up june, moved away october. Then had on off inconsistent visits 4 weeks or more apart. I met my now husband 4 years ago and have a stepson we have navigated blended family. Around jan last year daughters dad started taking to court, I stopped over nights as my daughter was having horrific night terrors (shes on the spectrum and would always stay in a different place when her dad came up) anyways I was asking for him to see her more and he was asking for less and he dropped out. Fast forward to this year feb 17th he moved up with his wife and their 2 year old daughter. My daughter saw them every sunday and even built up to an overnight stay. Then I got a message that they are moving back to 6 hours away and only want to see my daughter every 6 weeks. AIBU, by say absolutely not, I requested every 3 weeks then even suggested every 4 weeks. Got told I was the soul reason she wasnt getting to see her dad ect ect. Just she thrives in routine and even though I work shifts my husband and I have worked so hard to maintain routine, its why the first 1-2 weeks of holidays suck and the same when she goes back to school. My husband thinks hes had enough chances to be consistent in her life and always let's her down. Or should I just give in to the 6 weeks? Or is enough, enough, im so drained by it all and I cant help but feel guilty and sad for my daughter.

Why does he keep moving so much, this doesn’t sound normal?

This isn’t really your choice OP. If he wants every 6 weeks then a court would allow that, you may want more than that but the court will not hold him to more than he wants.

I thought court went on the best interest of the child, and I can prove that 6 weeks is not the consistency she needs

I dont know a variety of different reasons, cant keep a job, wants to find love ect ect

Why would you ask for more then ask for none though . A court will probably grant every six weeks . I agree it's not enough but courts don't want to stop contact altogether.

You’re going to have a hard job showing a huge difference between every 4 weeks which you’d be happy with, and every 6 which is his proposal. The court tries to support a child having a relationship with both parents (providing no safeguarding issues obviously) and so for the sake of 2 weeks are not going to agree with no contact being better than every 6 weeks.

They will not force a parent to have a child more than they are willing to. It is not in the best interests of the child.

Court will go on best interests of the child. But they very much consider contact over no contact to be in the child's best interest.

You're going to have to work really really hard to prove no contact is best. Bear in mind, child rapists, drug dealers, convicted abusers get contact with their children. So honestly, family court tis unlikely to agree no contact is better than every 6 weeks. Even for an autistic child. Unless she has very high needs they can't practically meet. Like requiring a locked padded sleeping area but a theirs she would have to sleep on the sofa.

It would have to be profoundly, irrefutably dangerous for her to see him.

Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Of course every 6 weeks is shit parenting but you can’t prevent them from having a relationship based on that alone.

If every 6 weeks will upset her, he'll probably stop wanting to have her at all, so you might get your wish by letting him have his wish.

Have you looked at ways to accommodate the 6 weekly contact, that may fit better with your DD’s routine? Could he come up to her every 6 weeks, instead of her going to his. He could spend the days with her, but she sleeps the nights in her own bed, something like that. I would think, that although he hasn’t been consistent, it would be better for her to have her father in her life.

So I asked for more and now he hasn't tried to arrange anything. Its been 8 weeks.

So he does come up and see her for 2 days only before he moved back. But its more the in, out then will not see her at all for 4-6 months then pops back up

The court absolutely will go with what is in the best interests of your DD.It’s doubtful that a court would force more contact on him as it’s setting him up to fail & your DD would be affected by this
The court would most likely find it in your DD best interests to maintain contact with her biological DF as long as there are no safeguard concerns
Could her DF keep in touch by FaceTime in-between visits so that he’s not a stranger to DD ?
If overnight stays are distressing your DD then maybe start slowly with day visits Could he come and take her out one day every 6 weeks ?

It’s very doubtful that the court will order no contact so if you want to ensure that he keeps to the arrangements then perhaps you should get a court order in place

Honestly from my experience it is very likely the court would give him contact every 6 weeks. They wouldn't force more, if he says he's not able to do that they won't force it. Unless you can show that you also can't have her in that time, but obviously you have her full time so you can accommodate that.

And they won't order no contact for inconsistency due to "necessary" house moves, which he can easily show they were.

Your best bet is to argue for those every 6 weeks be a full week or more during the summer holidays as an extended period gives her more time to settle into their routine whereas a short duration would be too disruptive.