To ask my DP to stay home today?

[AlwaysAnAddams]

AIBU for wanting my DP to stay home today?

He organised to go looking at suits for our wedding with his groomsmen today however for the last 7-10 days myself and our 10 month old have been knocked off our feet with some kind of flu/virus. DD has also learnt to stand in her cot this week so nap times and bedtime is taking 1-2 hours to get her to sleep meaning I haven’t had any rest to try and shake the illness and I feel terrible.
Over the weekend, a lot of the groomsmen have pulled out due to the heatwave and various reasons, leaving just him and his best man going so I said maybe an alternative date where everyone could go is better. He agreed but then said he’d still like to do something with his friend so maybe they’ll play golf instead.

DD was up a lot of the night coughing so much she was sick and while feeling so rough it was a long night. Just to clarify- partner was up dealing with this with me, he’s generally a great partner and dad. When we got in bed I spoke to him about how unwell I feel and how everything seems so hard at the moment and I’m struggling.
I just wondered if I would be unreasonable to ask if he could stay home today to help me with the baby.
If his groomsmen were all still going then fine, but if it’s just him and a friend playing golf then I sort of think he could give it a miss but I’m not the controlling type and have never asked anything like this

You aren’t being controlling to say “I really don’t feel well - since your original plans have been cancelled I need you to stay at home and look after the child so I can rest”.

that is a perfectly ok thing to say - you’ve dropped hints which he’s either missed or ignored. Now tell him what you need from him. It’s also ok to be pissed off if he chooses to play golf instead if you are very direct with him. Don’t leave any room for ambiguity

It’s perfectly reasonable for him to take over today so that you can rest.

I think sometimes, they just need to be directly told how they can support.

It’s not controlling to ask for help when you need it. Don’t hint and hope he picks up on what you’re saying, ask plainly and clearly.

If he’s anything like my husband, be blunt and clear that you’re not well and need him to stay home and look after you and the baby.

I think a mix would be reasonable. Half a day golf, not gone 12 hours.

He takes the baby out all morning, puts down for nap then goes for a 3pm tee off - reasonable to then go for dinner with his friend.

Brings back a prepped dinner for you & baby.

You only have to deal with baby between waking from nap & bed time, then goes to bed yourself.

It’s not ‘help’ it’s parenting. You are asking him to ‘parent’

Christ. Don’t marry him. This will only get worse.

Don't be ridiculous

It’s not ridiculous, his partner and the kids are both unwell, and he’s fucking off to play golf.

people need to raise their standards. He’s a loser.

They've been sick for ten days, honestly at that point I would assume they were well over the worst. Plus she says that he was up with her all night too so he's hardly useless. She needs to tell him clearly that she wants him to stay at home. He's not a mind reader.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. He should be offering to stay at home and do childcare so you can rest and recover. I wouldn’t marry him if he didn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you had suddenly come down with the illness, then fair enough he should stay home but I think him going out for a few hours is fine.

Its a bit rude to let his friend down because his DW has been ill for over a week.

Just ask him not to stay out too long and have an early night tonight.

Generally speaking when ours were babies the non-sick person would by default decide to cancel plans and the sick parent would say either ‘thank you I appreciate that’ or ‘no I can manage fine - you go’ - I don’t think you’re controlling to ask him to stay but given how ill you both sound it should be obvious he stays.

the original plans had been cancelled though, and it sounds like golf could be played any time.