DD (AuDHD) and her best friend (ADHD) had a playdate at an indoor activity today. DD plays for fun and doesn't like competition, he insists on keeping score and doesn't cope well if he isn't winning. She asked him not to keep score. He did anyway, though neither was playing correctly!!
His mum and I waited at the end and had a nice chat, assuming all was fine. Then he added himself to the leaderboard with a made-up score. DD, a stickler for rules, objected that he shouldn't be on it as he hadn't played properly. She also said he'd ruined the game by constantly tallying and shouting every time it was her turn. Neither mum witnessed this, so we can't confirm it.
The moment I started relaying DD's account to his mum, he burst into tears and didn't stop. He clung to her, and she cradled him, called him sweetheart, kissed him on the lips, and kept asking if he was OK, for the next half hour and all the way to the car. DD rolled her eyes, which annoyed his mum. DD said he does this at school whenever he's caught out.
His mum said the leaderboard is just for fun anyway, so I corrected DD on that point. She also said he's sensitive because of his ADHD emotions and not having a dad around, and that his shouting was "encouragement," not competitiveness.
DD is now refusing to spend one-on-one time with him, including a pre-arranged activity tomorrow. I support her decision, though it's sad but I expect they'll be friends again soon. But I find the mum's attitude unhelpful, and DD feels he was being naughty and faced no consequences, while she was corrected. I'm tempted to cancel tomorrow (claiming it's too hot, even though it's ideal warm-weather activity) because honestly I find the whole dynamic stresses me out. But I'm also proud DD stood her ground because she knows if she behaved unacceptably she'd get pulled up on it AuDHD or not.
AIBU to back her stepping away for a bit? Or should I do a bit more of a "roll eyes, these things happen, remind yourself why you're friends."