How do I better identify emotionally healthy men and leave unhealthy dynamics earlier?

[ZingyRoseQuail]

How do women actually get better at identifying emotionally healthy men earlier on? And how do you stop yourself staying too long in unhealthy dynamics once you start noticing red flags, inconsistency, emotional instability, mixed signals, avoidance, poor communication, selfishness or emotional unavailability?

Because I think sometimes attraction/chemistry can make women rationalise things they probably wouldn’t objectively advise a friend to tolerate. And honestly, I think many women only realise in hindsight that they were constantly anxious, overthinking, chasing reassurance, self-abandoning or trying to “earn” stability from someone emotionally inconsistent.

So I’m just wondering what signs/patterns have you learned to pay attention to that actually indicate emotional health in a man rather than just attraction/chemistry?

All of this!

Also what’s he like when things go wrong - you’re unavoidably late, you’re ill, he’s under pressure at work, people are being annoying, you say no (for good reason) to something he wants you to do/not do, you set your own boundaries about something (that’s reasonable) does he respect them? For example my STBXH didn’t like me reading at bedtime rather than watching TV with him or going to bed at a different time to him - I’d see those as big red flags now. Also how does he deal with conflict when it arises (with you or others)? Does he try to resolve it? Does he try and impose his will just to ‘win’ the argument. Is he prepared to talk it through and see things from both points of view? Is he prepared to compromise or at least respect your position.

My crunch point is: can you picture him as a giant toddler? Because when I think about all of those people who are unreasonably selfish or abusive all seem to have that vibe (only half joking…).

“do their actions match their words.”

This is a really good point.