Sorry if this is a long one. Me and my brother have a history of me feeling very upset, hurt & belittled. I can't comment on how he feels, but I am guessing that it involves anger & re sentment at loss of control.
The synopsis isn't word for word, but it is not enhanced. We have had plans for weeks to go and see my brother and his family. Very much looking forward to it and I have lots of things planned, plus birthday presents and little gifts to bring. The dates needed to be changed (at their request) so I had to cancel plans at home and reorganise things with my ex.
One was a class. My lovely SIL messaged me to say her child was going to the same class on the morning we arrived, so I thought great I will book my kid on too. She gave me the details of the place, I said I was booking it, then said I was waiting for the woman to get back to me, then all booked on. Several messages over several hours. This got a thumbs up. I then got a message from my brother saying I had bulldozed my way into a private arrangement, my SIL had arranged to meet friends there and I had missed the social cues (he hadn't read the message exchange in our group WA at this stage). I exclaimed why hadn't she told me any of this, it was a niche situation that I couldn't of envisaged I would try and cancel, but had already paid. I was upset by his wording, but let's draw a line under it as I was hurt and I didn't want to upset SIL. I was told to 'wind my neck in' I had been challenging & argumentative and not to come at the weekend as he didn't want to argue during his only time off. Who would be arguing? Just sleep on it and get over it! I did the whole are you serious, my little one would be devastated, we had plans with my sister as well and I had organised all these things. I got a 'refer to earlier messages' and a 'yeah I can't be bothered'.
I am thinking that he new how upset all the kids would be and doesn't give a flying I can't be around someone who cares so little about my child.
We have managed to salvage some of the weekend and I am still meeting with my SIL & Sister, but I am still upset and feeling quite anxious today. I have a history of really bad depression and anxiety. My brother did have the option to still come, but changed his mind at the last minute. I was willing to play nice & hope that it made essential family gatherings easier in the future. Stupidly I had even dreamt of an apology.
In hindsight and looking to the future, this relationship has often left me hurt and shaken. He appears to love control, feels superior and will just switch on me. I have told him that there this is it for us now and blocked him on everything as I just can't discuss it any further (probably childish, but it will only get worse). Previously we had gone for long periods of no contact and only really had a relationship again since he procreated.
So should I just stay far removed and try an keep a relationship with my SIL and their kids, which is what I want. Or is there another option?
(This has formatted a little strangely. I hope it is ok to read).