To think some friendships end because one person outgrows the dynamic the other depends on?

[YouChangedYes]

Growth feels like betrayal to people who prefer stasis.

Yes, definitely. You can grow out of being someone’s ‘helper’ or step back from being a sponge for someone else’s woes.
My DD had a friend who borrowed £100–150 nearly every month. She always paid it back but was often late. My DD got sick of it and started refusing to lend her money saying she couldn’t afford it. The ‘friend’ has stopped contacting her - what a surprise! Made me angry. She was never a friend to my DD. She was simply using her as an overdraft facility.

Absolutely

I’ve been carefully analysing what I give / receive from friendships, how I’m treated, reciprocity etc over recent years

Those where I was always doing the chasing, or where I was always the “provider” in some way I’ve let go

I’ve also re-evaluated who is a friend and who is an acquaintance. There is nothing wrong with the latter, but I no longer confuse them with the former

100% I had a best friend for 8 years who I met in the midst of the stressful toddler years, almost coparented, did school runs for her, went on holiday together etc.

I set up my own business, it took off, we carried on as we were but each time aI went for weekend trips with my own family without her the resentment built, her dependency stepped up when I started to grow, the tipping point was when I asked for one day a week where I didn't have to do the school run for her, after that moment things went downhill quickly eventually resulting in us no longer speaking.

Yes!

Absolutely.

Not just friendships but family relationships can become distant for the same reason.

Some people don’t like you getting ideas above your station and daring to improve yourself in any way, including but not limited to, standing up to their bullshit.

I had a couple of relatives like this. Great with babies and toddlers but didn’t like to be challenged when the children were growing up. I remember a funny story from many years ago although I was taken aback at the time…
Older relative, looking at a double page spread of electrical appliances on sale said “ It keeps saying RRP. what does it mean?”
i thought for a few seconds then said”I know! Recommended Retail Price!”
Relative’s response? “You think you’re so bloody clever, don’t you?”
lol 🤣

Absolutely. It seems that some people are friends with others because they make them feel superior. The moment that person surpasses them in any way (job, partner, appearance refresh, etc) they don't like it.

I’ve had exactly these experiences. I also started to re-evaluate relationships in my late 40s. It was a bit of a shock when I stood back and looked at them. I decided not to say anything, not to fall out but I decided to expect nothing and to look after my own interests first and I backed off considerably. I became much happier.

I am finding this thread very interesting. I can relate to so many posts!

What are your experiences, OP?

Definitely. Friendships can sometimes be based on a shared dysfunction, a common enemy or another kind of negative dynamic. That can be a kind of support when you’re going through a difficult situation or isolated socially but it can indeed hold back growth and self awareness.

And unfortunately some people feel uncomfortable or insecure when their friends grow so will resist this.

Yes. After 18 years of always being the sounding board, the one listening to their woes about ex husband, mental health, parent issues or work crises, when I finally needed some support....nope. It was still all about them. I just snapped.

Interestingly since then, I feel so much freer and life is easier. I actually realise I was held back by the roles we has taken. Once I was free a lot of other opportunities have come my way.

A lot of childhood / college/ uni friendships have kept going because of social media. Back in the day these friendships tended to drift or people completely lost touch . Hence the popularity of websites such as Friends Reunited until Facebook took over .