AIBU to want everyone to back off a bit?
I’m 40 and had my first baby just under 2 weeks ago. DH is 42. We absolutely adore our little boy and honestly becoming his mum has been the best thing ever.
We are also very lucky to have a really good support system and lots of family wanting to help. I do appreciate that.
But if I’m honest I’m starting to feel overwhelmed by everyone’s opinions and constant presence.
Even during pregnancy people were weirdly judgmental about my age. I wanted a water birth and several people who were not doctors, midwives or healthcare professionals told me I was “too old” and should just do a c section. I am actually a doctor myself and was perfectly capable of making informed decisions about my own pregnancy and birth with guidance from other medical professionals. Everything went well and baby arrived safely.
Now he’s here it feels like every choice we make gets commented on.
For example we are using mostly cloth nappies because we wanted less waste. Yes it’s more work but DH is very hands on and does most of the laundry anyway. Apparently this is now also wrong and I’ve had endless comments about how disposable nappies are easier and I’ll “give up eventually”.
It honestly feels at times like people are just waiting for me to fail so they can say “told you so”. The cloth nappies are just one example. Apparently because I’m a first time mum at 40 I’m supposed to give up on anything remotely inconvenient and just do everything the easiest possible way.
I really don’t understand what is so terrible about at least trying to be less wasteful. If it ends up not working for us long term then fine, we’ll adapt, but I don’t see why people seem so invested in proving that I can’t do it.
DH’s mum has also been staying with us for over a week and while I know she means well, I’m really struggling with how intense she is being. She constantly wants to hold the baby, hovers when I’m feeding him, and comments on pretty much everything I do. If he cries she immediately swoops in. I feel like I’m being treated like a clueless teenager instead of a grown woman who is perfectly capable of caring for her own child.
What’s making me feel worse is that my own mum has actually been really helpful. She comes over, helps, doesn’t overstay, and then leaves us to it. She lets me take the lead because he is my son. I don’t feel judged or watched with her.
With MIL I constantly feel like she’s hovering waiting for me to make some sort of mistake so she can step in or prove she knows better.
Maybe I’m just being ungrateful because I know she loves him and wants to help. I also know there are a lot of emotions flying around at the moment.
But honestly I just want some quiet time with my husband and baby without feeling observed in my own home. I like support but do not like the constant ‘that’s now what you should do’ MIL said ‘I’ve had 4 kids this is your first trust me I know slightly more than you’
AIBU?