To be sick to death of things going missing and the blame being ascribed to me

[liveit]

Case in point right now. DH bought ds a football shirt last week. We now cannot find it. I have hunted extensively but I am getting ‘when did YOU last see it, where do you think YOU might have last put it’

Every. Time.

When something cannot be found everyone asks me and when I can’t find it the blame apparently lies with me

aibu to tell them to be responsible for their own bloody things

I don't search for things that other people have lost. Next time, just shrug and say that you haven't moved it so you can't help then do nothing. You are not the officially designated finder of lost things in your house.

This is happening in my house right now too OP and it makes me so cross. If they didn't leave stuff lying around all the time and actually put things where they go then maybe they wouldn't lose them. Sympathy for you

So annoying isn’t it!

It has turned up in DHs office so I am giving him dirty looks and he has no idea why.

I remember writing a post like yours on here, oh a long time ago, and a poster suggested, as above, stop looking for it. It’s his problem, don’t let him make it yours. It was an epiphany. I don’t look now, I just murmur something vaguely helpful or sympathetic and let him get on with it. Life is more peaceful.

also he manlooks…swear blind something isn’t in the cupboard, when it is.

If it was DHs I would, but I didn’t want DS upset (he is 5.)

The conversation in our house goes
"where's my x"
"where did you put it"
"I left it on the table/chair/worktop"
"could be anywhere then, put it away next time then you'll be able to find it"

Ugh. I get accused of throwing things away.
No. Juts because I make an effort to keep the clutter down so things are actually easier to find it doesn’t mean I’ve thrown your precious football socks away!

What was it doing in his office?!

I too apparently have the special gift of finding… even down to finding the ketchup… “it’s not in the fridge… from ds/dh”. I now just say will pick some up next time in shop, and when get the “can you just check” say it’s obviously not there if you can’t find it, rather than as previously using my special skills of moving things! to find it…and low and behold, it’s grumpily found by them!

Tell him. Dirty looks are pointless. Tell him you are pissed off and why.

And in future, when you are asked when you last saw something, reply I have no idea (or last time you wore it, or when you bought it, etc), when did you last see it?

Why the silence?!!!

DH and DS do this to me at times - I push back firmly each time. Happened on Friday - where had I put his martial arts belt? Nowhere, was my response. Two
minutes later they found it where DS had clearly dumped it last week - underneath other stuff. Then DH bollocks DS. But I do not remain silent.

Although my DS is not 5. He’s 18 …

Exh used to do this all the time. He'd get really angry with me and crash about looking for the item blaming me. I used to tell him he owed me an apology when he would find it in his car or under a pile of his stuff or wherever he left it.

He would just laugh it off like a child.

The man can take no responsibility for his actions and never will. It is infuriating.

After years of being the keeper of the knowledge of object location I finally got fed up and now I say I don't know, you'll have to look for it.

Before, it would be have you seen x?
And id reply its (for example) in the kitchen in the third drawer down
Can't find it
Its on the left / at the back / wherever
No its not
So id march in, open the drawer, grab it and wave it in their face and they'd say something like you didnt say it was under that piece of paper...

On the rare occasion I was wrong id get laughter and jokes about how I never know where anything is.

So I lost my shit with my husband, said something along the lines of my vagina is not a locating device and never knew where anything is again.

Now I just say reassuring things like im sure you'll find it, keep looking.

I have always answered and always will answer to “do you know where X is” with

”wherever you last put it”.

I had an ex like this. Nothing was ever lost because of him (spoiler alert it definitely was), I was expected to think and search, and he'd be so angry with me. 🙄 Awful.

Are you going to talk to your husband about it now you have a recent example about how you got the blame again for his actions?

Yes. I get you must have moved it. Possibly if it was dumped somewhere stupid like on kitchen table 5 mins before I ate or on kitchen counter when I needed to cook. If they put it away they’d know where it was.

Based on your OP telling ‘them’ to find their own things I did think your child was going to be older than 5 to be honest, it’s understandable that the small child is still learning and looks to you for help. But the DH sounds hopeless! YANBU there.

Blameshifting. My pet peeve.

Do not allow the blame to be shifted.

Yup. I'm going to join the rest of you wise women in refusing to look.

Yesterday DS was having a mild panic because he couldn't find something he would need for today, then got distracted by a game, then told me when he was done playing he would help me find his thing! And didn't understand when I pulled him up on it!

@Error404FucksNotFound So I lost my shit with my husband, said something along the lines of my vagina is not a locating device and never knew where anything is again

perfect.

Not long before late dh died unexpectedly I remember the DC couldn't find a small Nintendo switch game cartridge. Maybe about 2x2cm. Late dh was convinced I must have sucked it up with the hoover. I said i wouldn't have. After he died I found it in a box where one of the dc kept their school books. Obviously I couldn't say I told you so then!

I now say look with your hands not just your eyes works about 80% of the time

Ah, the finder of all things. I would threaten that if I had to look for said object and I found it, it would go in the bin.