AIBU to worry my son's tummy aches are anxiety related again?

[Wearebothworriedsick]

DC has struggled with anxiety in the past, this included intrusive thoughts and OCD behaviours. Things have been settled for a few months now.

Over the last week or so, DC has been complaining of a tummy ache. This is only first thing in the morning and around tea time, it’s putting him off eating but then he does eat after a some time. He’s also started sucking his fingers for the first time and pushing boundaries (drew on a wall for the first time and was so upset with himself after).

School think it’s linked to anxiety. I spoke with the GP and they’re inclined to agree although I do worry it might be something physical.

Has anyone experienced this before and how was it resolved?

I am also worried about him losing weight, as well as things getting as bad as they have been in the past. It stopped him going out this morning (cancelled plans) but he was fine the rest of the day, except around tea time.

Things at home have recently changed, I’m aware it will take some time for DS to get used to these changes but it’s hard seeing him like this.

How old is your DS? Might the GP refer to a paediatrician who would consider physical, psychological or neurodevelopmental reasons for his symptoms?

Everything you’ve written points towards it being anxiety. Especially that it comes on at certain times in a regular pattern. What makes you think it might be physical?
how old is he? What helped last time?
It’s so hard when they are going through something like this, you just want to take the pain and worry away but you can’t.

At 16 I had debilitating pain in my stomach. It cramped so bad I couldn’t move until it passed. It even woke me up during the night. I had scans and blood tests, all normal. It stopped after a few months. Was definitely anxiety.

DS is KS1, he went to therapy last time although the cause was never really found. The therapist requires consent from both parents for him to return, which I don’t have.

We have a new CAO in place which, I and school think, is the cause of this. It has only very recently come into play though and I do know there needs to be an adjustment period.

I don’t necessarily think it is physical but I’m also worried about putting it down to anxiety if something else is going on.

DS seems fine if he’s distracted, it seems to start during down time.

I just feel so helpless.

How did you get rid of yours?

The GP said they still want to see DS even if it’s not physical, I wonder if that’s why

Both my children had this. The GP did various checks and then told us it was probably abdominal migraines. I spoke to my mum and she told me I had the same at their age. Usually worry related.

How did you all lose them?

I think we all just kind of grew out of them. Not terribly helpful.
Maybe look at strategies for coping with stress / anxiety in children. Or see if the school have any wellbeing support.

I suffered the same as your son when I was a child (a long time ago) I was eventually diagnosed with abdominal migraines. I was a very anxious child, not sure how connected that was and I did eventually grow out of them

@MyOtherProfile
Oops, just read your post and basically repeated it, sorry.

Might it be constipation if it comes on just before eating?
my child has this, some difficulties in sensitivity and communication, very sensitive to feeling full and painful stomach, when faced with the prospect of eating. We use probiotic Tummies from Holland & Barrett - little jellies that he takes which helps regularly. Then he can also take one when he feels the pain. Which also works as a placebo I think and feels listened to / validated. Often helps him get on with eating.

I think they are a lot more common than people realise, and a lot of people have never heard of them.

So your DS is at most 7. His parents are separated, so that will have an impact on him, and there have been problems with access arrangements.
Anxiety is a natural state of being with physical causes. It’s ok to feel sad / angry / happy etc. If he’s complaining of tummy pain in the morning and at tea time that’s likely to be hunger rather than anything else. I’d ensure he has a decent breakfast, give him a tiny dose of Calpol, keep the atmosphere bright and breezy.
Drawing on the wall is a very normal thing most kids do, it’s not something to get hung up over. A quick telling off from the adult and directions to clean it off is all that’s needed. It doesn’t need analysing. ‘Hey DC, we do not draw on the walls or furniture in this house - now go and get a cloth and wipe it off”.

Thank you all for your replies…I know it’s how long is a piece of string, but did you all have them a very long time?

I am sure it’s not constipation, he’s still having regularly bowel movements and has never suffered before.

I think my worry is that I think I know what’s causing the worry, DS has told me, but I cannot do anything about it so I’m worried this is just ongoing.

He’s also being really clingy which makes me think it’s anxiety too.

I am doing all of those things, I’m not psychoanalysing but he’s not himself.

It wasn’t just the drawing on the wall, it was the way it was done and his reaction afterwards.

I really don’t think it’s hunger, it tends to come on halfway through his tea but he will go back for more after a hug/reassurance. It’s putting him off eating, if anything.

I am also not sure it’s good for him to have calpol twice a day indefinitely?

It just started happening less and less. I had a few months though. I was on a waiting list to see a therapist but that took over a year.

If it is anxiety around contact, my GC have been allowed to choose to not see their father, the eldest at 9 years old. So this won't be forever. However gastro issues are under diagnosed, so keep a diary, look at what he's eating etc, just in case. If it isn't gastro, the diary is there for court. My DD wasn't diagnosed with left sided colitis and other issues until adulthood. My DP has a stoma through lack of care/advice for diverticulitis. Crohn's is another dismissed condition. Stopping eating half way is typical of Gerds and lots of other inflammatory gastro issues.

This is court ordered so I don’t have a choice but to send him.

im sure it’s not an allergy or anything, its come on so quickly and lunch is fine

You have to send him at the moment, until there's evidence of contact harming him. Gastro issues aren't allergies. They are more inflammatory at this age.

I had similar issues when my child was young and contact was increased. Got progressively worse over time and he stopped eating, lost weight etc. Court didn't care and increased contact even more because ex insisted everything was fine for him (so of course it was all blamed on me).

Finally diagnosed autistic age 7, but it took until 9ish and a total breakdown for court to listen. Now there's no contact but the damage has taken a long time to resolve.

My advice would be to consider if ND might be a factor as if they are uncomfortable at contact that can be a sign of abuse but it can also just be different parenting styles /lack of suppprt of ND etc.

The longer he’s in my care, the less mentioned it’s becoming.

Ex has acknowledged it as he’s told school, school has told him they believe it’s anxiety. I’ve contacted the GP too and they’ve said the same.

DS is happy to see ex, and I’m happy for him to, DS just doesn’t want to go for an extended period of time and has openly said this to me.

Ex has an older child that goes back to mum part way through DS being there, DS has said this makes him miss me all the more.

DS is suspected ADHD but they won’t assess with so much going on at home at the moment.

I’m going to start weighing DS too, keep an eye on that.

Mine was the same- loked seeing his dad but wanted less time. I think if he'd been listened to at the time contact would still be ongoing. But it was all too much and broke down entirely.

I had the same pattern- came back very anxious but improved as fhe week went on. Then back to sore tummy etc the night before contact.

This sounds exactly like abdominal migraines. They are stress related. They often happen during the night. Mine were so bad that I would literally curl up in agony on the bathroom floor because once I got there, I couldn’t get myself back to bed. It could be this, OP, or could be something else. If he has a difficult father and has already been in therapy, it absolutely does sound like he has a lot of stress in his life. Even if there is a physiological cause, reducing stress is only going to help.