My mum and SPF

[coneyislandoldspot]

I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall here.

I am very pale. Like, my natural skin tone is translucent. I have always and will always use SPF 50 because if I don’t I burn. Even in the UK sun.

My mum has always been against SPF. She would use it on us as kids but only because she felt “forced” to. She believes it causes skin cancer. She has never used it.

Ironically last week she had two biopsies taken for suspected skin cancer, and has been told that if they come back positive she’ll need a full body scan done because of her refusal to use sun protection. She claims the dermatologist agreed with her, but what was actually said was that avoiding the sun is the best thing to do, but if you can’t, you need SPF.

I’m at her house today because it’s a gorgeous day, and I put on my suncream before heading outside. She immediately launched into her rant about how it causes skin cancer and I’ll “regret using it” when I “get older”

AIBU to have snapped back and said “well you’re the one with at least two skin cancers, and I’m not”? She’s really offended but I’m just so tired of the rants every time!

YANBU that is all. 🌞

I just feel like I’m banging my head against a wall. I do worry for her because she isn’t likely to take these things seriously, she only went to the doctor because she thought she had an infected scratch on her arm and it’s a suspected SCC!

I heard something on the news a couple of days ago that cases of melanoma in the Uk are at an all time high. It’s so depressing. Melanoma is one of the most preventable cancers.

She won't change. You do you and let her make her own choices. I know it's hard but you can't force her.

Some people are just stupid. They hear one person spouting nonsense and carry on with it rather than doing their own research.

we didn’t use spf when we were younger but I’ve done my own research on it and spf 30 all the way for us and our children who are now adults and are just used to putting spf on.

we were out yesterday and I met a woman in the toilets who told me she had cancer and that she is certain it was the covid vaccine that gave her it! I said to her unfortunately it’s just the luck of the draw who gets cancer as it was around long before covid etc. and wished her well.

It’s so depressing.

Skin cancer in particular scares me because the thought of getting a biopsy done under local anaesthetic actually makes me want to vomit

It’s one of those situations where you have to accept your mum is an adult with agency and able to make decisions however stupid you think they are. You can’t change her mind so save your energy. I lived in NZ for years so I’m slightly paranoid about skin cancer as I’m fair with freckles and I know a lot of people who have had to have moles removed.

Your mum has to do what she feels is right for her, and so do you. Agree to differ. Hope she's OK.

It’s just infuriating because it’s not right. And she puts that judgment onto other people as if she’s in the right.

Sounds like you want to be right too though. She believes what she believes, regardless of scientific research. You just have to accept that.

She also believes you are wrong
and is worried for you. I think the only hope is to tell her you don't want to keep arguing about this issue because you are never going to agree.

Well because scientifically I am right. It’s a fact, and watching her just be ignorant makes me so angry.

You’re doing the right things to avoid it though. I’ve had several BCCs and two SCCs removed (however I never go in the sun because am pale as milk and cope with the heat about as well) so how I get them is mystery to my dermatologist. It js unpleasant having them removed under local but keep doing what you’re doing and hopefully you’ll never find out xx

Another bonus, you’ll also be lovely and wrinkle-free for keeping your skin protected all the time.

Your mum is a lost cause, sadly. My parent died as a result of melanoma and I blame the same mentally of the 70s and 80s where sitting frying in the sun was apparently A Good Thing.

Not only does she do something stupid she also wants to tell you off for doing the sensible thing. I guess it’s the “being criticised for doing something reasonable” that is really annoying. That would drive me mad too.

Yes!! Like how is she sitting getting genuinely angry and upset about the fact I don’t want skin cancer?

I’d be struggling not to say mother you are incredibly thick aren’t you.

Your mum is wrong but not entirely. There's a lot of info on the internet about suncream causing cancer. This isn't fake news, it just isn't applicable to the UK. The USA have had a problem with cancer causing chemicals being used in suncream. But european suncreams are far more advanced (because of regulation differences).

I did however vote YABU. Because even though you're correct, throwing her having cancer in her face is completely unacceptable, no matter what the provocation.

Just get up and leave. I did this with my mum when she decided to spend most of our visits harping on about how fat and ugly I was. I told her once that if she mentioned how I looked again, unless it was positive, I would get up and leave because I was an adult and didn’t have to listen to someone being derogatory simply because she was my mother

it worked because she couldn’t be shitty to me, and I didn’t get angry as I wasn’t listening to it, just removed myself

I would email the doctor who “agreed” with her to let them know

maybe get them to clarify with her

I just find it infuriating. It’s pretty much entirely preventable and she’s getting angry at me for trying to prevent it.

Fellow translucent person here. I wear SPF every day of the year (don't forget hands and neck!) and people generally think I'm ten years younger because no wrinkles.

If she thinks SPF causes skin cancer, how does she think she got it? YANBU at all. Carry on being as blunt as you like. This stuff doesn't deserve any more attention than crap from antivaxers and the like.

YANBU and this sort of misinformation is so cruel. I cant understand why so many people fall for it but it's massively common.

BTW I've had a biopsy/ excision on my ear under a local. I'm the biggest wimp there is about that stuff and it was ridiculously quick and painless. I went sick out after to meet the friend who took me and she said "was it cancelled?"
"Look at my ear" (huge bandage)
"Wow. I'm not being funny but I didn't even manage to get on the WiFi yet"

So if you ever do have to have it done try not to worry too much if you can.

Fuck knows. She’s calling it “sun damage”

It doesn't matter if you're right though. It really doesn't. She's not going to change. You can accept that or not. She believes what she believes as much as you believe your side of things.

I had a friend like your mum. She used to create her own creams out of natural products and burnt horribly in the sun. I wear factor 50 and always have done as an adult. Each to their own.