AIBU to find post-pregnancy comments about my body rude?

[wrinklycactus]

AIBU to think it's rude to comment on someone's body post pregnancy, even if it's a compliment?

I keep getting people saying 'you don't look like you've given birth!' etc. I know it's well-intentioned but it makes me feel uncomfortable.

For context I was a bit overweight before pregnancy, not massively so, but I have lost more since having my son. Not to an unhealthy level, I just now have a pretty average looking body, size 10/12ish, probably from running around after him (he's 10 months now) and not having as much time to eat.

These comments are coming from family, friends, colleagues. I was told I was 'wasting away' the other day (I'm definitely not and I don't see that as a good thing?!)

I find it too intimate and it makes me feel people are analysing my body.

No one should be commenting on anyone’s body pre or post pregnancy
it’s intrusive

It's clearly said in kindness and meant as a compliment, which you yourself acknowledge. So what's the problem? We all notice things like people losing weight, it's normal and not at all rude to compliment someone on that, whether or not they have just had a baby. In my opinion it's ruder to not say anything, it comes across as jealous.

I think you're being over sensitive and it sounds like you're looking for reasons to be offended.

People don’t realise how triggering it can be especially for people who have had issues in the past. My parents told me I was fat throughout my childhood (I’ve seen photos, I wasn’t!) and sent me to dance, gymnastics and various sports not because I loved it (I did luckily) but because I was “getting fat”. Then in my teens I starved myself and they told me I was “going too far” when I’d only gone from 10 1/2 stone down to 9 stone at 5’7”. Throughout my life my father continued to comment on my weight and in fact the last thing he ever said to me from his death bed is “have you seen the size of your backside?!” As a result I struggle with people commenting on my size, positively or negatively. You look well/lovely/nice is fine - but thin or fat comments are not.

YANBU at all. How on earth can it be meant with kindness, and be 'well intentioned?' It's bloody rude.

You need to think on your feet and say (angrily) 'stop commenting on my fucking body!' And scowl at them. Don't be nice. Nice doesn't deal with nasty. Be rude like them!

I had this one bloke who worked with my husband saying 'still got your baby belly haven't you?! Are you sure you're not still carrying it, and that isn't someone else's sprog' when we were walking around town with our first born when the baby was 3 weeks old. 3 FUCKING WEEKS since I had had my baby. DH scowled at him and said 'fuck off mate, she's only just had the baby!' The bloke just laughed. Clearly goading and being deliberately nasty. A few other commented on me 'not having my figure back' after just a few weeks! Even some of my extended family and several acquaintances commented within the first 3-6 weeks that I was 'still quite big.'

I 'got my figure back' by the time my first born was about 6 months old, and I still got a couple of people saying 'took long enough didn't you?!'

Some people are arseholes sadly. Don't let them get to you.

.

Oh behave. Are you one of those overweight people who also say skinny shaming doesn't exist?

I keep getting people saying 'you don't look like you've given birth!' etc. I know it's well-intentioned but it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Oh I loved this!

We're all different though, but it did make me feel good especially on the school run when I'd been up all night and I felt like shite 🤣

But your feelings are your own and obviously valid too.

Nobody needs to comment about anyone’s body-ever.