AIBU to report what I saw at nursery before withdrawing my child?

[Poppy2025]

My 14 month old has been going to a nursery for a week, I thought the room staff all seemed lovely. However, I am already in a WhatsApp group with other parents because they have got together to have a formal meeting with management to basically complain about staff turnover, and use of contract staff, amongst other things they’re not happy with. From the chat it seems most parents are happy with the permanent staff who are in the rooms, they just have a problem with the management/owners.
yesterday I was late and I think they didn’t notice when I walked in the room. I saw one of the carers in the baby room telling off a child for moving some material they were trying to stick to the table. She was tapping /slapping her hand away roughly and speaking harshly to her. When another carer noticed I was there she seemed very flustered, and I didn’t say anything because I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. I was shocked that the main carer in the room (who is so sweet) saw this and said nothing.
Im going to take my daughter out of this nursery because of what I saw and the place seems to be a mess generally.
I think I should tell the area manager what I saw. Should I also tell the parent representative? I don’t know who this child’s parents are but I have the number of the parent rep for the room who probably does.

its weighing on my conscience because on one hand I recognise I could misinterpret what I saw, it might have been one bad moment on a bad day, and maybe I’m overreacting because I’m emotional about leaving my child at nursery. Also our memories are not 100 percent accurate, maybe I’ve embellished it in my mind. BUT on the other hand I know in the moment I really didn’t like what I saw and it seemed totally wrong, and if it was my child I’d want to know.

If you have a concern, raise it. I work with kids and have safeguarding training, part of which is always log, report any concerns. You never know if your minor concern may be a tiny piece of a wider puzzle when put together with other people's observations.

And for what it's worth, I would not tolerate that at all if it was my DC in nursery

I would definitely report it. They are babies and without their main caregivers - they need kindness not harsh words.

Whereas I don't like the WhatsApp group formed to moan about staff, to the extent they have included you after a week, I agree with both posters above.

If ANYONE (staff or parent or visitor) sees anything that concerns them, they should notify the Manager as - even if it is something you start to justify to yourself as being 'not that bad' or 'out of context' - it contributes to an overall picture. It is really basic safeguarding.

100% report

Def report. That dc's dm need the option of also removing her dc.
And the staff member needs sacking.

100% report it. You are removing your child on the basis of what you saw - how would you feel if it was your baby being treated this way and another parent saw it and said nothing.

This was the baby room - babies need kindness and nothing else.

Yes report to the management immediately. I don't think I'd report to the group, it's likely they will cause a fuss and make accusations based on second hand information. It's hard to know exactly what you saw from a post here, only you can know how you felt in the moment. It could be a very rare moment of frustration or constant bullying behaviour. I think its up to management to investigate and decide what's the right outcome.

Please raise it. This is what we need. You’ll be grateful you did it. At the very least that staff member will just be monitored.

If it's not good enough for your baby then surely it isn't good enough for any baby?

If you saw an adult slapping a baby's hand you should be reporting to Ofsted.

Safeguarding training says that you should report any concern to someone who can investigate, it's not up to the witness to make a judgement, in either direction.
In this case it would seem that the manager is the person to report to. Putting anything on the WhatsApp would be gossip-mongering, imo.

Report it to the authorities that regulate nurseries. pp mentioned Ofsted.

Yabu to not have done this already.

In fact if I saw a professional slapping a baby they'd be reported to the police.

Yes, definitely report it.

It's understandable why non private nurseries don't have children in before the age of 3. Babies can't tell you what they're experiencing during their hours spent in private nurseries. I wonder how many times babies hands have been slapped without a parent seeing.

Write down what you saw ASAP after the incident with as much detail as you can remember. This helps prevent your memory from getting distorted.

Then yes absolutely report to the manager and probably to ofsted as well.

Thank you everyone. I was definitely going to report it to the area manager who is standing in (they have no manager for this branch at the moment), I just wasn’t sure about also telling the parent who is the representative for the baby room, I don’t know who the parent of the baby is so can’t contact them. Worryingly I don’t know if I even trust the area manager now as the place seems such a mess, so I think I have no choice but to tell the parent acting as a rep for the room.

100% report. I would also report to OFSTED. But a group chat bitching about staff and a parent acting as a rep seems very immature

If you post it on WhatsApp you could well weaken your case.If you really feel you can't tell the area manager then tell Ofsted and Lado. They will investigate. If you go round posting it on WhatsApp you're just encouraging gossip and drama. Also posting it isn't going to help identify which baby it was.

Report in writing to the area manager and the local authority (it may need referring to LADO) You are not responsible for 'reporting' it to another parent and also no one but the person in charge should be contacting the parent (you have no way of knowing if this has already been noted and an investigation started as you say there was another member of staff present) Stay away from the WhatsApp group because it just causes gossip and no other parents were present so nothing to do with any of them.

I think it's a really bad idea to put it on the WbatsApp group chat, and would pitentially be very upsetting for everyone on there because they'll all be wondering if it was their child.

Thank you , no I definitely won’t put it in the chat, I was thinking of private messaging the rep to see if she knows who the parents are , but now I see that probably isn’t appropriate.
i have just remembered that there is cctv in the rooms so hopefully this will help any investigations.

Report to Ofsted, your local MASH (you can find details on your council website) but do not report to parents or a member of staff that you don’t trust to deal appropriately. If you do report to staff or parent reps etc you run the risk of any investigations being compromised as the staff may well ‘lose’ the cctv footage, or other parents may give a heads-up. Report to authorities and allow them to do their job, yours is just to give the info without concern about whether it relates to a wider picture. They can file it together with any other instances that have been - or are in future - reported to them. It’s also their job to contact the parents not yours, so don’t worry about trying to play detective here.

Follow your instincts. It sounds like you’re questioning them. I would report.

How can you be shocked that another person (the other staff member) who witnessed this did nothing but yet neither did you.
If you witness unacceptable behaviour towards another child that makes you want to remove your own child from the nursery to safeguard their wellbeing, do you not think that you have a responsibility to safeguard the wellbeing of ALL children.
If you do not report this to the appropriate people then that makes you just as bad if not even worse than the original perpetrator and the staff member who did nothing.
They are bound to have a complaints procedure for the correct person to direct the complaint to.
What you witnessed was not acceptable behaviour and you have to report what you saw. And you should really have reported this immediately, or at least within 24 hours while the account of the event was still fresh, and you hadn't had the chance to assess and decide how serious it was based on opinions of people who did not witness the incident.
You dont know the full picture of what goes on in the nursery but I can almost be certain that wasnt the first time something similar has happened.
But if no one speaks up and allows this to happen as part of the norm. Then I will only get worse.

Imagine a grown adult witnessing someone treat your child like this and doing nothing. Would you think they were being reasonable? I highly doubt it.

You must report this to Ofsted. The company are quite likely to cover this up.