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AIBU?

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Annoyed at mediator, justified?

9 replies

naanbreadforaxel · 21/05/2026 20:57

Had my first mediation session today with ex. Current visitation is around his shift pattern. He does school pick up on 2 out of 3 Wednesdays, unable to do third because of work, come September I am unable to do school pick up on any Wednesdays, which is only a problem this one in three. I am able to pick up at 4.30 from after school club, but school have said will need to pay for slot all term, can’t be done on a rolling basis. I’ve mentioned in mediation today (which he wouldn’t do a meeting with me, only through a mediator going back and forth) thinking he should pay half to this after school fee as neither of us is able to do pick up. Mediator told me this is what child maintenance is for so no point asking him. I said I wouldn’t mind paying if it was like it is now and I’m unable to pick up on one of my days so pay for asc, but don’t see why I should have to pay when neither of us can. To be told she won’t be putting that to him. What’s the point of going through this 🙄 just venting frustrations, not entirely sure where to go from here.

OP posts:
Jellybunny98 · 21/05/2026 21:00

I’m assuming the logic is that because its your situation that has changed, so that 3rd Wednesday is currently “your day” for pick up, and now you’re not able to so therefore the cost falls to you?

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 21/05/2026 21:00

Could you arrange a childminder for the one Weds in 3? Some childminders have shift worker parents and it could work out.
Perhaps ask on your local FB group or something?

KTheGrey · 21/05/2026 21:01

How much child maintenance is he paying? Is it 50/50, because then I thought there wasn’t any maintenance?

SwiftlyFlyingToNorway · 21/05/2026 21:05

My friend who was a child minder did ad hoc sessions working around people's shifts. Could you see if there is a childminder with a space?

Are Wednesdays going to be his day for seeing his child? Would he also be able to collect from ASC or a childminder? Does he have them overnight on a Wednesday or just for dinner?

Pickledonions12 · 21/05/2026 21:14

Am I missing something? You've moved the goalposts. Why should your ex cover that financially?

OneNaiceSnail · 21/05/2026 21:16

So he was doing two and you doing one, and now you’ve changed your mind and can’t do any at all? That’s a you problem…

OneNaiceSnail · 21/05/2026 21:16

Actually is this a reverse?

naanbreadforaxel · 21/05/2026 21:27

KTheGrey · 21/05/2026 21:01

How much child maintenance is he paying? Is it 50/50, because then I thought there wasn’t any maintenance?

So 2 weeks he has them a Wednesday after school for dinner and returns them at tea time, the same 2 weeks he collects from school a Friday and returns Sunday, so not quite 50/50 in terms of over nights or school runs. The third week he does not have them at all Monday until Saturday morning because of his shifts. Currently I do college on a Tuesday and cannot collect from school until 4.30, so don’t mind paying for after school club, because Tuesdays are consistently my day. September my college day changes to a Wednesday, I feel like because I currently work all other visitation around his shifts, the least he could do would be to pay half of the after school club fees because it’s his shifts not allowing him to have them every Wednesday not me. In an ideal world I would like visitation to be the same days/times week in week out but it’s not an ideal world

OP posts:
KTheGrey · Yesterday 08:12

Ok I think I see the mediator’s reasoning - their line will be, because you are paying for all Tuesdays now and will alter to having to pay all Wednesdays next year you won’t be any worse off.

It is quite a complicated schedule - respect to you for juggling all that and doing college as well!

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