AIBU to feel close to burnout with everything I am managing?

[ChillingWithMySnowmies]

Just lately i'm struggling.. mentally, physically.. i have a bunch of painful disabilities, disabled teens in college and having to navigate the SEND system for both, elderly mother, medical appointments out my ears.. and i just feel like everyone around me keeps expecting me to deal with everything they're dealing with as well.

The teachers, my ExH, Drs.

I can feel i'm reaching overload/burnout and just want everyone to leave me alone.. i feel like screaming.

I've got an appt with MH services on june 8th, but i'm really finding it hard to cope with life atm. I know i'm making a mountain out of a molehill, (which is why the MH appt) but holy crap.

You are not making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s really hard.

I have 2 DD with disabilities and an elderly mum and juggling all the things is insane. I have so little resilience left.

I see you. I go to bed early and turn my phone off (when DD are at home). An hour of peace is bliss.

If you are also juggling full time work then I would say yes it’s hard to spin that many plates . I know I’ve been there .

But if you are not working at all then you have much more time and should therefore find this more manageable.

I feel you. I’m on my knees. Two teens with SEN. The youngest is profoundly disabled and it’s just exhausting. I think people don’t really get how tiring it is to be a parent to a child with Sen.

If you are navigating the SEND system that alone is enough to feel overwhelmed. Add all the rest and absolutely feel valid in your struggles.

actually even if nothing you listed was enough to burn out random strangers on the internet the point it YOU feel this way. You feel how you feel

No i don't work. i'm a carer, for the one of the kids that has been really sick the last two weeks, A&E visits while i'm in extreme pain with a herniated disk and bilateral sciatica that is leaving me with a dead leg half the time.

So stuff your 'should find it more managable'. I'm not. THATS the POINT of the thread. jfc.

Well you did post AIBU !!

If you only want replies that agree with you - this isn’t the best forum to choose for that !!

I’ve had a hell of a couple of years supporting my mother before she died, alongside raising one child with SEND (and being a de facto caregiver for my autistic DH with very poor adaptive functioning), and I feel totally fucking done in even without any health issues of my own.

So no, you are not BU. Supporting chronically dysregulated people who can’t look after themselves or advocate for themselves or communicate effectively is a massive amount of logistical, emotional, physical and cognitive work, and you can’t ever take a day off or even have a regular lunch break or a predictable bedtime. It drains every part of you and leaves no room to be a person on your own account.

Ignore anyone who says that paid employment is the only thing that can possibly be difficult. They’ll be singing a different tune when they’re changing their parents’ nappies.

You are not making a mountain out of a molehill. Being a carer is the hardest job anyone can do and there is very little support for doing it. It can break the strongest of people. Then to add onto that your own pain issues. Sciatica is horrific. Then an ageing parent. Im so sorry your struggling and pleased your reaching out for help. But please don't minimise your situation or think you shouldn't feel a certain way. Your human and we all have our limits.

Having the time is one thing, having the emotional energy to try and navigate a system that feels actively designed to be as difficult as possible is quite another. Also caring for children with complex needs is like parenting on steroids - you’re basically always “on”. Working on top of that can be a Herculean task.

Many parents do it, many parents sacrifice their own health to do it, many get to a point where they simply can’t sustain work, caring responsibilities and fighting the system. Besides which it takes an incredibly flexible employer that allows time off for appointments of which there are more than you can fathom, all within working hours.

Working or not it’s absolutely exhausting and crazy making. If only time were the only issue.

Crikey, that’s a pretty harsh reply. It was relevant to any constructive advice you could receive (eg reducing days or being signed off).

"You should find it more manageable if you're not working" can shove it up your arse. My very important full time job was absolutely peanuts compared to looking after a SEND child in burnout and an elderly parent. In fact it was positively pleasant, well structured, good routine, mitigated against burnout..

I can only assume the person who wrote that knows absolutely zilch about what they are talking about. Don't pay any attention to it OP not all opinions are worth the same.

Why is it that pepole like you think, that some people that dont work have tons of time on their hands.
Some people dont work jobs as such 9 to 5, beacuse they have a 24 hour one at home, with kids that need more help than others plus what ever else is going on in life.

Edit to add i dont work im single and childless and i have a very odd life to others and no time in the day to anything.

I know this is a taboo question but what kind of disabilities do you all have? It’s hard to offer advice without knowing whether you mean ‘depression and ADHD’ or ‘full time wheelchair user and the children have cystic fibrosis’ type thing.

I’m also overwhelmed, disabled myself and working while studying and looking after small children, it’s incredibly hard.

i'd be here all day.. a lot. the big 3 are degen disk disease (currently including herniated disk and all the fun of a pinched/irritated nerve in my leg) Osteoarthritis that is all through my spine, hips and hands, and AuDHD. I'm reliant on mobility aids outside the house.

Both teens are AuDHD, but the one i care for also has hypermobility, dyspraxia and ARFID. they are in special school.. the other is in mainstream but navigating that with difficulty at college and its transition/application time.. which is a MINEFIELD for both of them atm.. its overwhelming with my own issues rn.

If i had the choice of working in a workplace or being a carer for a family member. Id pick the job everytime so much easier. People honestly have no clue.

People genuinely have no clue.

I'd much rather be healthy, have healthy kids, and be working, but i'm not.. and that doesn't minimise the mental load i have on my plate right now.