To feel slightly jealous of mums who have happy babies

[Mayandwest]

I know it sounds really bitter of me, but my baby is 13 months old and screams and cries almost all day every day. I find it so hard and overstimulating, I dread going anywhere with her because I’ve no idea how she’s going to be, I feel people judge me because of how much she screams but she’s too young to understand, I try my best to distract her but it feels like nothing makes a difference. She screams when I hold her, screams when I put her down, in the car, the pram, it just genuinely feels like she’s never happy and it really wears me down because I feel like it’s my fault and I’m a bad mum. She’s been like this since around 5/6 months old, doesn’t have any illness or CMPA allergy which was previously suggested when she was younger.

I really feel for you. I have cared for 2 babies that were like this. The first one was so bad that when his Grandma looked after him for a morning they came back to her standing on the doorstep with him, saying “Take him, just take him “ . The second was a newborn I fostered until she was nearly 6 months old. When she was 13 months old her adoptive parents found out that she had severe allergies to milk and eggs.
All I can suggest is that you spend as much time as possible out of the house. Don’t worry about what others think. And if anyone offers help, take them up on it.

I had one cheerful, sociable baby and one who seemed constantly unhappy. He got a lot better once he could talk and is now the "happy" one (and very communicative about everything on his mind) while his brother is often upset by friendship issues and easily persuaded to do daft things because he wants to fit in with his friends. So all that to say, your baby probably won't be miserable forever, they might cheer up once they can actually talk to you, and there are downsides to some "happy" babies too!

Mine is 10 months and been a bit like this for a couple of months. Fussy, hard work, and just a lot. Taking him to baby groups has been hard because he fusses so much, and it's especially hard when all the other babies seem chilled and happy.

It makes you feel like there's something wrong but I think it can just be temperament and some babies are sensitive and easily overwhelmed.

No suggestions really, it's just difficult isn't it :(

Are there any times when she reliably doesn't cry? Like mine will usually be OK if outside just walking with the pram.

I find it a lot of work because I have ADHD and just really need to quietly regulate myself sometimes. I get so tired and just want a minute, and I really struggle to aimlessly walk around just to keep him quiet, but sometimes I just have to get a bit of peace.

Anyway - I hear you! x

Sleep training transformed my miserable little buggar into a dream baby. At 9 months I was on my knees...

YANBU. Some babies just are fussier, and that sounds really tough. But also, co-regulation plays a big role - how happy and regulated are you? Have you done any work on this?

Has she ever seen an osteopath or an occupational therapist?

How is her sleep?

I struggled a lot mentally after I had her and was diagnosed with PPD. It did improve after a few months but now feels to have got bad again, I am currently having therapy and on medication so trying to improve for the sake of myself and my daughter. Her sleep isn’t great though which doesn’t help!
She hasn’t seen an osteopath or an occupational therapist, I’ve only ever taken her to the GP who didn’t seem concerned

It sounds very hard OP. Some babies are 100% easier than others and it’s not your fault. Have you spoken to your health visitor? I find at least HVs see so many babies they have a better understanding of what normal fussiness looks like, and what is beyond that.

My Dd was like this ( she’s now nearly 19). The most miserable baby ever, I had visions of dressing her in lovely clothes and people chatting away to her but all she did was scream and put a muslin over her head.
It all changed at about 18 months as soon as she could talk , she advanced in speech very quickly and could count to 20 before she was 2. The minute she could communicate she was like a different child/ baby. From 18 months onwards she was an absolute joy and still is to be fair. So hopefully it will get better in the not too distance future - we still joke with her about how miserable she was.

I’m still surprised to find any cute pictures of one of my DC, as I just remembered them crying for ages. Once they could move (walk, run, scoot, cycle, swim… ) they got a lot happier though a decade on, they’re still very emotional.

Absolutely not unreasonable.

if it’s any consolation my dream baby is now very high need and exhausting pre teen. My baby who didn’t sleep more than 1.5 hours till she was 2 is now an angelic helpful kind and intelligent individual.

I think they all have a horrible phase. Hold on hope this isn’t permanent!!

OP, that sounds really hard. I can well imagine your mental health suffering.
It certainly did for fridnds of mine with babies like this.
An osteopath helped my friends and my children all saw one in the first week of life as a result. Maybe a coincidence but they were all happy easy babies that rarely cried, thank god.

Osteopathy helped my friends whose babies were fussy, crying, slept poorly.

If you can find one, do it.
You really have my sympathy, that is so hard.