Head just full of so much stuff!

[Wardrobestuffedwithclothesbutnothingtowear]

Tired of it!

Lists of things-things for school-trips, homework, piano lessons, food shopping, bills to pay, work planning, Drs appointments, vet appointments, birthdays, presents etc etc…none of it really for me

Dh-No lists

I feel without me being on the ball, this whole life would fall down/collapse.

Working on the Dh thing, but how do you cope? Feel so overloaded, overwhelmed but bored of it all at the same time

Miss being young and free!

What do you do to relax and remove all
the ‘Stuff’ from your head & shoulders?

How many appointments are you arranging?
Direct debits for bills?
so your dh never gets involved with homework? Or grocery shopping? (Go for online)

Have you ever asked him?

I have a couple of things I have an app where I can write stuff down as it pops into me head and then I label it later. It’s called Todoist.

Two, I give my husband tasks to do and then never think about them again. Not one time tasks but recurring tasks, like the weekly shop.

We also have a weekly meeting on a Sunday where we go over stuff for the week, and the finances.

I just don’t see how it’s possible for one person to do it all so I don’t. But we also don’t have pets as they are too much work, our kids don’t have extra curricula’s and we’re pretty healthy so nothing like doctor appointments. Presents are split equally, kids friends get a standard present that I bulk buy (which I told the other parents at pickup because I wanted them to try to match my low effort energy). We cut a lot of corners!

Single parent
I get outside and walk the dog every day without fail
also get a takeaway coffee and actually stay to drink it is couple of times a week
I am meticulously organised though so LOVE lists and working through them!

Calendars and lists, I don’t keep anything in my brain.

Delegate stuff to DH and forget about it. What’s the worst thing that can happen if he’s looking after piano lessons and vet visits and forgets?

She misses piano but we still need to pay…
The dogs nails get too long or that lump isn’t checked etc etc

Pick something that effects him if he doesn’t do it then?

Why is she missing piano? Forgotten about?

and seriously - I have a dog, I have children, I have a job, I don’t have a partner. And all the things you list are things that if you keep on top of them really take next to no time. Enjoy your lists! And prioritise working through them over mumsnet!

Agree with splitting the tasks in full. So one of you takes pets as a whole. Of that person can’t complete any of the parts of the task it’s up to them to delegate it. They still own the thinking. give kids age appropriate responsibilities as well. And accept that yes sometimes a ball is dropped but life doesn’t collapse because of it

I have a weekly planner whiteboard on the kitchen wall for things like music lessons, after school activities, PE kit, food tech ingredients etc. Everyone can see it so they don't keep asking me questions, and I don't have to keep the information in my head.

I put alarms on my phone for things like putting the bins out, getting piano music ready to take to work (I go straight from work to collect DC to take to their lesson) etc.

We have a weekly spreadsheet of jobs that need doing called THE LIST and when DH or I have a spare minute we tick something off

And so what? He’s not going to forget until the end of time, so he’ll learn from his mistakes.

Although non routine vet appointments should be shared responsibility, it’s everyone’s responsibility to spot the lump.

I've quiet quit the housework/stuff that's not totally necessary and/or doesn't in some way benefit me or the kids.

I too have started not seeing the dust, the mess, the mental load of other people.

It's very freeing.

Also, start delegating.

Massive, massive turn off and you'll have the ick but at least shit gets done.

I use a calendar - genuinely, so I don't have to think about it.
It's boring but is it such a big deal?
Even pre-children, you still had hairdresser appointments, holidays to book, bills to pay, events to attend, presents to buy for said events, dentist, passport, etc

You didn't make it as a list of horrible chores, so it wasn't.

Just sit down 2 or 3 times a week, go through the list. Most evenigns it will be done in 5mn.

I felt like you until my 12 yo showed me the Countdown App. I just pop in the ‘to-do’ with date, and put it to the back of my mind. Just check once a week if there’s anything that needs my attention if not, I just rely on the 24 hour reminder for each ‘to-do’ that week.

I’m so organised now. Nothing feels overwhelming. It actually changed my life from chaos to calm. I so wish I had it since the kids were born.

that doesnt make sense
what “benefits ”the Op is obviously that the dog’s nails are clipped, that food is in the fridge, that bills are paid. Basically everything she lists is what “benefits ” for the entire family including her. So to cut anything out would be spiting herself.

either dh changes or Op sucks up she married a useless brick around the house

added to which, I LOVE a clean and tidy home so the thought of not keeping the house to the standard I like just to spite a partner seems a little short sighted.

Download the Google calendar app, totally revolutionised our family life. Now I don’t forget anything because it reminds me 30 mins before. As soon as I find out about a school event or appointment, I pop it in there so I don’t forget. DC’s clubs are all in there, mine and DH’s meetings, days we’re working away etc.

Bills all by direct debit, once a week check the bank account to see that finances are on track.

Appointments, school trips, extra curricular all in my diary and a family white board updated weekly. Annual tasks (car insurance, pet vaccinations) are all in my diary at the start of the year.

Standard lists for things like packing for holidays, regular list for food shopping that I adjust for things I need or changes to meals for the week.

Routine for house cleaning, changing beds, deep cleaning bathrooms, food shopping etc.

Basically I don’t hold anything in my head, it gets written down somewhere. On a Monday morning I sit with a coffee and go through the week so I know what’s coming up and either do the thing or put it in my diary for whatever day it needs done.

My DH can check the weekly schedule and pick up tasks that need done. The easiest way to get stuff out of your head is to write it down somewhere and have a system of checking each week.

It's being an adult.

I also have all the tasks and no partner.

You just have to get on with it and get organised.

My husband does a lot of the school stuff. Hut what works for me is acting immediately. If I get an email about a school thing, I put something in the calendar immediately. Even if it's only "school thing, see email dated XX"

RE the husband, if you cant trust him to book stuff, start giving him choices between practical tasks. Ask him "are you making kids lunches or cooking dinner?" "Are you cleaning the bathroom or hoovering?"

Simplify anything you can. If yur DH doesn't cook or share the load of meals planning and prep and wont participate by doing other jobs, focus your energy and shop for and make what you like amd makes your life easiest. If that means jacket potatoes for a week, so be it; order a week of jacket potatoes. If he wants something else, he can shop for and cook it.

I'd also just add that you're not alone to struggle.

My DH and I work 40 & 30 hours respectively and I spend about 6 hours a week changing beds, cleaning, tidying, sorting a very average 3 bed house (which is by and large always clean and tidy, so the 6 hours is just maintenance), and DH manages a lot of the school stuff like trips, lunches and homework.

So f you're trying to keep on top of most stuff yourself, including a dog with the extra cleaning, feeding, walking, vets, plus multiple kids and a husband not doing a lot of it, I'm not surprised you're struggling. It's not easy even with good support, so if you're lacking that I can absolutely see why you'd feel so exhausted.

I think you misunderstand. It’s not out of spite to drop your standards the poster was saying she’s dropped her standards because she values doing other things instead cleaning.

If it works for you, some