Feeling helpless

[19Notts32]

Hi ladies.

Feeling very anxious and want to know AIBU!

Been with partner for 20 years 2 kids not married. Recently we have lost friends too soon and realise that tomorrow isnt promised. Alongside this he has inherited money and is our main earner. He has life cover and has been saying he is going to make a will. As UK law stands unless im named in will as we are not married it counts for nothing we have been together years own a home have kids. In the event of his demise I will be left with nothing. The money will be put in trust until 18 and I cant exactly ask for their money if I survive paying the bills by then. Every 6 months this conversation comes up he says he will do it and doesnt. I dont understand why he wont do this it feels offensive as he knows how much this worries me. I found out today by chance this still hasnt been actioned. Ive seen friends go thro temp accomodation and I know how hard it is and this could all be avoidable. He has the money to make the will and its literally signing some paper at solicitors. He just gets nasty if I bring it up and says we havent agreed. I am powerless to do anything about this.

Please help

Do you not work at all? What’s the reason behind not getting married?

You are at a vulnerable position. Whose name is the house etc in?

Just get married
you will have legal and financial protections as will your children
who owns the house and whose name is it in
how old are you kids and why don’t you work
you are so financially vulnerable and your partner is letting you down if he won’t protect you - why is this?

It’s not just about a will. Even if he makes one that leaves you something, he can change his will at the drop of a hat and you’d get nothing. You need to be married really or there’s zero guarantees. I hope you at least have your interest in the house legally watertight and start planning financial independence because it’s clear you cannot rely on his goodwill. He’s got no reason to change things in your favour as you’ve gone along with it so far with no consequences. You’re going to have to help yourself or you’ll continue to feel helpless.

I do work but part time to be on school run. My kids are all primary school age. I am literally asking the same question as you I dont understand his actions.

I am named co owner on the house which solicitor tells me in event of anything happening to him I will keep house obv just need to find the money.

Joint owners on the house. I matched his wages before we had kids.

I work but my wages are low. He didnt want to get married but now does for this purpose. Thats not really a reason for me morally though I know it makes sense financially. Ive still looked in to it cost availability hes done sod all apart from not sort anything again.

Make an appointment with a solicitor to both write wills. Tell him you have done this. Take him to the appointment.

Im not really worth anything to make one really x

How’s your pension looking?

So you’ve been together yonks but all the family savings etc are in his name only? You know he could just send you half the savings to keep in your accounts. There’s nothing to stop you splitting the savings across both your names or even in joint accounts.

I would strongly suggest you get married ASAP. It doesn't need to be a big wedding - just go to the registry office, the two of you with a couple of witnesses and get legally married.

You are in a very precarious position as things stand. Even if he makes a will, he could change it without you knowing - not saying he would, but he could!

This doesn’t make sense. Why are you berating him for not sorting the will when he’s willing to get married and you haven’t done anything to sort that? The marriage can be done in a matter of weeks, book an appointment to get it started tomorrow. Wills are invalidated by marriage anyway.

Realise he seems reluctant re the will, but just wondering if he'd consider using this website to create one? Even just to have something before doing one with a solicitor.

https://www.lawdepot.co.uk/

Honestly, if you think you’ll be with him for the rest of your life then that’s a good enough reason to marry him. You then obviously love him and you’ll have the security you need.

Go for it.

After 20 years together you deserve the security.

So get a proper job then? You own half a house you just don't have a job and a pension. Surely that's on you not him?

Getting married would be higher priority than a will for me.

It would also deal with the issue of inheritance tax.

You have children so you need to make a will. Stop begging him to do it and make the appointment for both of you. Make the wills.