For approaching alienated teen DS

[SlinkyMalinkyy]

My teen son has been alienated from me after I separated from his Dad, I still see him for short periods but things are difficult.

Just saw him in our local supermarket with his mates and I made the mistake of approaching him to say hi. I said - hello, DS, what you up to? I said do you need any money for sweets etc. It was awful. He froze, backed away and told me to go away twice. I backed right off and said speak to you soon and quickly left the supermarket. I feel like such a fool for approaching him, especially in front of his friends, I feel like I showed him up and I’ve made a bad situation much worse. I’ll never approach him if I see him in public again, I feel like such an idiot 😔

Drop him a message to say “sorry about earlier, I was just so happy to see you that I didn’t think that it would be a bad time for you. As always, I am here if you want to chat / meet up / anything really. Love mum”

What age is your son? To be honest if I saw one of my kids with their mates I wouldn't approach them and they're not alienated from me. I would just let them hang with their friends

Yeah I wish I hadn’t now! He’s 14.

If you don’t want to further alienate him then think before you act next time, obviously no 14 year old would want to be embarrassed in front of their mates in a shop. Don’t make it into a big thing feeling sorry for yourself, just move on and focus on anything that will help rebuild your relationship in the future, even if that’s just giving him space right now.

Not sure what the above response is about but as a mum who has been alienated from their teenage child you have my sympathies. I think in normal circumstances we would likely not approach our children when with friends however I understand the heartbreak and desperation in wanting to see them and I know that any glimpse of them or any form of communication feels better than none. You are a mum. You approached your son. In normal circumstances you would brush it off but In these circumstances your mind is in overdrive, terrified you have made things worse. Please don't be to hard on yourself. I know it is easier said than done. I hope things get better for you.

Op you did nothing wrong

Your husband is disgusting for turning your son against you and is infact causing the child much distress by making him detach from his mother

Thank you 💕 I’m sorry you have gone through similar x Yes in normal circumstances I wouldn’t have approached him and would have left him be or if he’d have refused to talk to me with his friends watching I wouldn’t have thought anything of it. Yes, my mind went into overdrive thinking I’ve messed up and made things much worse. I text him saying sorry about earlier, just wanted to say hi, hope you had fun with your friends.
Trying hard to be chilled out about my situation, being an alienated parent is awful and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I hope your situation improves too.

How do you know the back story?

Thank you, it’s a horrible situation, he’s completely alienated now but I’m doing my best to be chilled out (outwardly!) and low pressure. Just wanted to say hello to him and to offer him a couple of pounds to buy himself some sweets etc. I think he was blindsided, I won’t do it again and next time I’ll hide in a bush if I have to 🙈

Oh poor you, that’s awfully humiliating and upsetting for you but that’s teenagers. Honestly, don’t overthink it. Every parent would have gone to say hello to their child, every teenager would have reacted like your DS, and every parent would have left kicking themselves for going over in the first place.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Your DS will just laugh with his mates that parents are soooo embarrassing and that’ll be it.

Heartless!

You're not an idiot, I don't think you've done anything wrong. This is so sad though I hope your situation improves and he comes back to you as he grows up a bit more.

I'm so sorry, OP. It was understandable that you approached your son, and it would have been weird not to acknowledge him in any way.

It was also understandable that your son reacted as he did. Please try not to take it personally. It's pretty common for teenagers to be embarrassed by their parents. He was probably caught off guard and didn't know how to react.

Parental alienation is awful. My friend barely saw her younger dc for a few years because the child's dad pressured the dc into saying that she didn't want to see her mum. She tried to keep contact going as much as she could but only saw her dd for a couple of hours each week. She didn't push it as she didn't want to pile on any pressure, but she made it clear that her door would always be open. Then, out of the blue, about 3 years years ago, the dc contacted her and asked if she could move in with her mum. And has been living there ever since. It has taken some time for them to properly get to know each other again, but they are closer now than my friend ever thought would be possible. So things can and do change sometimes.

All I can say is that is incredibly rude, I find it strange that posters find it normal teen behaviour…wow. Never even as a teen would I speak to my parent like that.

strange society, however I feel for you op. As painful as it is, it’s best to let him come to you. I guess it’s like a relationship the more you push the more he will back away. Keep busy, fill your life, if you’re religious, I recommend finding a church family, people that can pray with you and support you. I’m sorry you are going through this.

It would have been far worse if you'd ignored him.

You did the best you could at that time and I hope things work out for you.