So my 19 year old ( she’s 20 next month) still lives with me, she has an apprenticeship job, she earns a wage through this. She doesn’t pay me any ‘board’ and I’m not going to go fully into it as it’s complicated, and our relationship is already rocky due to parental alienation by her father ( he used to slate me to her all the time and call me lazy, benefit scrounger and that I only wanted our kids for money even though we was married 13 years and I was a SAHM) and part of not taking money from her for board is down to the shame I feel, as he’s labelled me to my kids on such a bad light, why would i ‘prove him right’ in their eyes by taking board money? So all I say to my daughter is don’t give me money, just buy your own food, as she rarely eats the family meals I cook for the kids, and due to the names he’s labelled me I just try to tread carefully. Plus him and his wife called me a gold digger for requesting child maintence for the younger kids.. when I went through the CSA, they went absolutely mental so I cancelled the claim and accepted £150 a month for 5 kids, yes that makes me weak giving in but I was having his wife message me calling me greedy, then he was refusing to see the kids if I didn’t cancel so I gave in. They both have good jobs too but I don’t care anymore I just want to be left alone, so I basically struggle accepting money from anyone anymore so that’s partly to do with the ‘no board situation’
anyway he’s been controlling our daughter for a while telling her how she should spend her wages, how much Savings she should have by now and that she shouldn’t be buying anything at all apart from essentials and he’s invited her to go abroad with him and because she’s not able to renew her passport or get her ticket right now as she doesn’t earn no where near what he does ( he’s a gas engineer) he’s gone mad at her for not having savings
so he’s emailed me yesterday saying it’s all my Fault that she has no savings, saying that I should be taking money from her and pretend it’s for board but save it for her instead, saying that I’ve failed her and that I’m ‘’wanting her to become a benefit claimant like all your family You better look deep in your head’’ ( he’s referring to me and my mum and sister, my mum and sister have several physical health problems and I’m not working due to other reasons that are justified but I’m fighting for support with this and I won’t get into that now as it’s really personal
but am I being unreasonable to think he has no right messaging me ? We have another 19 year old who turned 19 also in April who is in uni studying to be a midwife and she has no savings but he doesn’t use her to abuse me because she doesn’t live with me she lives single uni accommodation
i feel like I shouldn’t be called names, abused and punished for the actions of a nearly 20 year old and how am I expected to police her? All I do is advise her and encourage her.
He hates my family, he’s always looked down on them and regularly slated them any chance he gets.
He left me for his current wife and has such an easier life than I do, he sees our younger kids around 5 hours a fortnight and I only message him strictly child related things that are important yet he still tries to email me to put me down and make me feel on edge.
he will probably use maintenance to punish me now because I ignored his email,
some time ago he also messged me accusing me of wanting our daughter to get pregnant because she got a boyfriend at 18 ( and she’s still with that same boyfriend) and because I didn’t do anything about it I just want her ‘pregnant like I was at 17 ( by him may I add and he’s 10 years older than me!)
i just know for as long as my eldest lives here he will always message me and blame me and degrade me and my family if she doesn’t live up to his expectations and that’s not fair on any of us,
I encourage her to defend herself, to say ‘look dad I can manage my own life, thanks for the advice ‘ but she said she’s scared he will disown her if she doesn’t live up to his expectations and it’s sad.
I used to be sucked in by his rubbish, but now I look at him as a pathetic little man, he really is pathetic and leads a sad life, he may have more money, a car and a new family but he’s really suck a low life to want control everyone around him and he thinks he knows it all
All I wake to do is move on but I know I will never be able to fully move on when the kids life don’t match what he wants he will message me abuse and accuse me of it being all caused by me and coz I failed them all.
How do you grey Rock a man like this ?