AIBU to bag up toys until my children tidy properly?

[Homebirdy]

Both kids (primary aged) have been asked for 4 days to pick their toys up from the living room floor. I’ve been ignored for 4 days.

I’ve got sciatica and just can’t be up and down on the floor tidying them up myself, but in my fit of frustration I’ve put everything into black bags this morning and they’ve been told they have to earn them back with good behaviour, and show they can take care of them and tidy up as they earn them back. If they can’t, they’ll be bagged again and removed.

I feel like I’ve been way too relaxed, always tidying up after them, constantly rewarding them and surprising them with new things and treats too often. They’re lovely children, polite and well mannered.. but they absolutely don’t tidy or respect their stuff and I’ve reached the end of my tether.

please tell me I’ve A) don’t the right thing. And B) am not the only one who have kids that don’t like me this morning 🫠

Age?

Help them sort it? You don't gave to do the job but support it.

What were the immediate consequences of them not picking them up on the day they got them out? Why isn't it necessary for the floor to be cleared every day?

Primary age could be anywhere from 4 to 10, so It does depend how old.
Younger dc need you to tidy with them and storage boxes need to be accessible and in the same place so they have a daily routine.
Older dc, having learned by practice and supervision should be able to put toys away under instruction.

It’s usually nothing, because they’re asked to tidy up before bedtime and they just wander about slowly holding one thing and they run out of time and have to go to bed. If I repeatedly ask and ask my youngest (5) will scream at the top of his lungs and throw himself to the floor. My eldest (7) usually growls at me.. but she’s not the issue in all fairness. She tidies, she can just be grumpy and is over brothers side this morning so is also mad at me for removing all the toys from the living room 😅

They have two pull out boxes each, they’re asked to just out their toys in the boxes. They’re not asked to take anything back upstairs unless it doesn’t fit in the boxes. He often does get help.. but doesn’t help and I or their dad ends up doing it all.

Your method is fine. They need to learn to do as you’ve asked.

they have no incentive to get on with it because the reward is going to bed

my cousin gives her kids 30min iPad time before bed but if they haven’t tidied they don’t get it til they have. Apparently works really well.

full disclosure, I dont do this and my house is a shouty mess

Tell, don't ask. Make it clear this is what has to happen, it's not a choice.

Put a timer on to speed it up.

Have a reward at the end of it (?hot chocolate before bed?)

i realise this, but I’m unsure how else to do it, by the time I’m home from work we have to get dinner on straight away, and then after dinner it’s time for baths and pyjamas and bed really. There’s not much time for anything else.

They don’t have iPads, they do watch the telly but I’ve had it off for days because they get distracted by it.. but turns out they don’t do the chore regardless anyway 🤣 perhaps we need to start trying to get them to put toys away in the morning instead 😅

My mum used to sweep all my toys into the middle of the playroom floor and say they would be bagged up and put away if I didn't tidy. Worked for me.

And I will admit I did this with my kids recently as it was a tip and they tidied pretty quick. I put them in bags. they are older though and that was after them telling me how awful I was!

So YANBU

I think you have done the right thing.

I would also use this as a thinning out exercise. Any toys they don't specifically ask for stays in the bag. After a while, get rid of anything that remains in the bag.

This is exactly the plan. He has far too many toys, lots of little plastic bits of tat. But all seems to get dragged out, so hoping we can keep all the ‘main’ stuff and get rid of the rest🤣

When are they getting the toys out if there’s no time for anything?
There needs to be a consequence for not tidying up, they’re learning if they cry and growl they’ll get a pass and just go to bed.
Is the bath coveted? Mine loved baths so they used to have to have a boring shower if things weren’t tidied up in time.

I wouldn't feel too bad. My mum took the hoover out. The little plastic bits of tat from kinder eggs were no more. I don't think she had a single regret.

You can put a pair of tights over the top of the tube to catch them just as a top tip to save your back .......

It's a perfectly reasonable punishment even for a 5 year old with the added fun of a rummage for 1-3 surprise items every night for a week provided they are put away.

It is however not fair if your daughter is being punished for her brothers mess. It doesn't sound like it but if she is mostly getting on with it then that should be rewarded in some way. Growling is a one way ticket to being pronounced overtired and in need of an early bedtime in my book though.

I hope it works. I still have bags of toys up in the loft for my children who are now 23 and 19.