Insensitive medical staff

[Wtafdidido]

In the last 10 months I have battled cancer, had chemotherapy, immunotherapy, radiotherapy and two major surgeries. I have had pneumonia, sepsis, 2 life threatening haemorrhages, and been diagnosed with a lifelong serious life changing medical condition due to the treatment, am on steroids almost constantly and am now facing my cancer having spread. Today at a routine appointment the really rude male doctor not only treated me like I was stupid and never addressed or acknowledged me once said to me at the end that I should really focus on losing weight as being fat makes his job harder and said post menopausal women really ought to be putting more effort into weight loss. Never once did he acknowledge any of what I have dealt with this year. I’ve lost my hair, my body has changed and my self esteem is already in the toilet with how I look. I know I’m fat. I know I’ve put on weight but his attitude just withered me. It was a big deal for me to even go to the appointment as anything hospital related is hugely traumatic as I’ve been diagnosed with medical ptsd. Why are so many medical professionals so rude and so bloody insensitive?

That's disgraceful. Do put in a complaint.

Makes my blood boil. I pulled a GP up for addressing me as "love" not long ago. He tried to talk his way out of it by saying it was a local pleasantry (I'm local & don't use it, he wasn't local). I've absolutely zero tolerance these days for disrespect & casual sexism from men in positions of power.

I’m so sorry OP, that was disgusting behaviour from the doctor. I’d name and shame if I were you. Put a post up on social media, worded similarly to your post here. It might encourage other people to share similar experiences with the same doctor and could result in any complaints against him being taken seriously and him being forced to change his shitty attitude. I’d also write a letter of complaint to the hospital

Another one saying complain if you have the strength, OP. And cannot believe 4% of the votes say YABU! 😕

@Ragnarok26 i'm interested in what you say about the latest game

I do believe that some of these people play games and we are unwitting victims

I mean, actually, consciously play games, I'm not talking about the power games.

I have many memories of NHS staff and their patronising attitudes and talking as though I am stupid. While I don't wish that on anyone else it is a little relieving to know that it happens often to others. I've met a few dentists too who I've wanted to slap.

I think my latest is a couple of years ago when I needed to see the practice nurse at my GP surgery. I had a fairly regular few moments in her room while she did what was needed but always noticed her sour face and grumpy demeanor. Basically she was a miserable mare. My last visit - I knocked and heard "come in" and I was met with a big smile and cheery voice from the same nurse. I commented that she looked happy and she proceeded to tell me about the new man in her life after her divorce.

I accept that every customer facing professional can be having a shitty personal life but they shouldn't be taking it out on the (in her case) patients which she obviously had been previously.

I have no filter when it comes to shit like this and tend towards blunt honesty so would have said something along the lines of “Are you done? You know that my health conditions have contributed towards my weight, you know that I’m in pain, have been through a lot and find coming to see medical staff like you, difficult and scary. You know that your job is to help me, to reassure me, to provide expert medical guidance in a compassionate and understandable way. What you apparently didn’t realise is that you’re failing. You’ve made me feel awful, you’ve not given me any useful advise and you’ve made coming to see you in the future more difficult and more scary.”

Sorry your GP today was an arsehole!

That is totally unacceptable , and I would suggest putting in an official complaint with PALS . No one in a professional medical capacity should be phrasing concerns about a persons weight on their health using words like fat and making it about them

He's an oncologist, he deals in facts and probabilities, not nice fluffy feelings..

I've been there too in 2022. My oncologist (female) was the same. She put it bluntly - that my long term recover would be heavily influenced by my ability to eat a healthy diet (30 fruit & veg a week, zero alcohol etc) and my ability to lose weight & do vigorous exercise at least three times a week.

I'm 5'8" and was a size 12. My BMI was 24. I was reasonably fit but she made it clear I could do more. The blunt message got through, four years later my BMI is 23 and I run 10ks. I'm clear so far.

I think you have to take it as his very medic-like way of trying to help you. I know it can be tough xx

@Meadowfinch "He's an oncologist, he deals in facts and probabilities, not nice fluffy feelings.."

I always want my medical professionals to deal in facts and probabilities and not nice fluffy feelings.

In this case, from what the OP has said, the facts are that she's taking steroids and her cancer has spread.

To me, there isn't a way that weight enters into the discussion.

Similarly in my case, the drugs were making me gain weight but keeping me alive.

I cannot see why weight is a factor in that discussion. Maybe after recovery? Is recovery a probability for the patient in question? I'm amazed I'm still here. Some days I'm not thrilled about it frankly.

Please tell me, using facts and no fluffy feelings, why you think weight management enters into the discussion at that point?

And please also tell me how you think his general comments about postmenopausal women would have helped the OP using facts and not fluffy feelings?

that's if you have the time, of course. I'm not well today so I'm wasting far too much time on here.

@EmeraldRoulette

Why Excess Weight Increases Risk
Extra body fat is not just inactive weight; it is biologically active and actively drives cancer development through three main mechanisms: src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/qDVF5yc0U-0" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen> 1, 2]
Hormones: Fat tissue produces excess oestrogen, which can drive the growth of breast and womb cancers.
Insulin: Obesity often leads to higher levels of insulin and insulin-like growth factors, which can encourage cancer cells to divide and grow.
Inflammation: Excess fat causes chronic, low-level inflammation in the body. Over time, immune cells that rush to areas of chronic inflammation can create an environment that damages DNA and promotes tumor growth. src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/By3FxLam2Yw?start=2" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen> 1, ]

I sympathise wholeheartedly with OP, I've been there too and I know how hard it is, but the fact remains that excess weight impacts recurrence and recovery. Pretending it doesn't won't help anyone.

Oh, and these effing doctors also tell you not to lose too much weight during cancer treatment! The mind boggles!

As my late father said, sensible thing to do all this time would be to eat whatever you bloody well like!

Please do write a complaint
He should have acknowledged all you been thru presumably it was in front of him on his screen?

i'm having the same experience as some other posters - they don't look at your notes on the screen anymore.

I understand they're overwhelmed but I really struggled when my mum broke her wrist and the specialist said "what do you want to do about it?" I did wonder if he was having some kind of breakdown right in front of us. I had to gently extract the information from him about where we had to go to get it set and a cast and everything. Mum had fallen down after a suspected stroke, that's what caused the break, so it was kind of like managing her and him at the same time!