DD sad at being left out

[KatieJ2023]

My daughter had her 10th birthday party earlier this year. The year group have all now got their own friendship groups so not all go to every party etc.. My daughter is on the hockey team and invited all the team including one or two she perhaps wouldn’t consider close friends but she didn’t want anyone to feel left out. One of these girls has told everyone today that she has invited everyone to her upcoming party but not my daughter and apparently made quite a big thing of saying this…. Feel sad for my daughter as she is always at pains to make sure no one feels left out….how do you support kids through this stuff? AIBU to think this is mean to be so pointed about singling out a child? Totally get that not everyone gets invited and just because you invite someone doesn’t mean they will invite you etc…

It’s outside her control, and you can talk to her in a calm way about what that means. That she chose to make one decision about who to invite because that was what she thought best. Other people will make different choices. There’s nothing, ever, that we can do about that. She should be encouraged not to take it personally.

Did the girl do this at practise? Id just give the coaches a heads up the dd is a bit vulnerable at the moment due the other kids making a big fuss of dd not being invited so could they keep an eye.

It could easily lapse into bullying.

Just say these things happen. Don’t make a big thing about it, because it’s not a big thing. Once the party is over, all will be forgotten. It’s nice to be kind, but not everyone is. Help her (and you) build some resilience by not dwelling on the situation.

Speak to the school OP, if there's a patten of exclusion like this it is bullying.

She should be encouraged not to take it personally OP said the girls is telling everyone that the only person she didn't invite is OPs daughter. That is personal!

I'd let your daughter know that unfortunately, not everyone is as nice as she is and some girls are just jealous and bitchy. I'd plan something lovely for you and her to do on the day of the party, maybe let her invite a different friend for a sleepover?

Just tell her sadly some people are shit, but karmas a bitch and she’ll get what she deserves one day then take her for a cool day out.

Or plan something really awesome and expensive to clash with the party and invite every single one of the kids party guests except the birthday girl - just kidding, kind of.

Of course it is. The spiteful little madam needs her wings clipped.

I think it’s really shitty on the girls parents too. They’ve obviously allowed her to exclude one member of the team.

I hate saying shit about kids but I assume this kid will grow up to be a nasty bullying cow. (Her mother is probably the same. It’s all learnt behaviour).

Your poor daughter😞. Stuff like this really stings as an adult so as a kid it feels like the end of the world. On the day of the party, I’d take her out for a treat. And perhaps the day after the party, or the next school day, arrange a play date for her and a good friend so then if everyone is talking about the birthday party your daughter has something to look forward to.

We have had similar issue. DD's best friend didn't invite her to her recent birthday, DD found this out through another friend of theirs by accident. The mum of this child has never liked DD for a reason we cannot work out (other parents say DD is a joy to have round and invite her repeatedly, DD is high acheiving, teachers only have positive things to say so i dont think this is a case of mummy rose tinted glasses) and friend reports her mum wouldn't let her invite her.

It is hard when these things happen and we see our children upset due to another person being unkind, all we can do is be there for them and support them. Ultimately I think I was probably more annoyed than DD, although tried not to show it.

I was proud of DD's response though - she asked to get this child a card and dropped it round to her house, as she knew it wasn't the child's fault, unlike the child in your post OP. This girl didn't have to invite your DD, but she really shouldn't have been rubbing her nose in it.