The in laws are down stairs

[Tortington]

Bil & SIl arrived yesterday and are here for a long visit.

FIL & MIL have arrived this morning afterdriving 300 miles.

AIBU - to sit in bed with lap top mumsnetting

i Can't even pretend i am asleep becuse dh just came upstairs and ordered me out of bed " i don't have to share you pain" says i
"yes you bloody well do" says he.

i think its perfectly reasonable to get up to find BIL, SIL, FIL, MIL, nephew neice and neices BF in my living room - what say you?

I don't really care what respect inducing thing my inlaws did 25 years ago, if they are foul to me now they can take a jump - I'm not sitting with them.

I dug my heels in about my ex-inlaws 4 years ago, I said after a family party "I am never going to do that again. And I never did.

Unless I have broken the law and am in prison, I always have the option to remove myself from a situation. It is NOT my job to sit and smile and be someone's whipping boy.

bit rude to stay in bed Custy, come on girl, support the old man

oooooh the inkaws and BIL......we know what that spells....the adult men are going to revert back to children and be totally obnoxious....and you cant say eff all because their mum and dad are there......how lovely for you .......me thinks custy may well have smoked at least 15 fags in the garden already

No, honestly, screw it, stay in bed. Your Dh can either lie for you and say you have tummy ache, or he can admit you hate them. YTour choice.

Bette, threads like this get so chippy when people tell others "don't apply your sheltered family circumstances to other people's families about whom you have no knowledge" in true hypocrisy.

If relationships are that bad, don't allow them to make the 300 mile journey. I don't have issue with that. What I have issue with is ignoring the visit once it comes.

Franny, I sometimes sit quiet, which DH prefers, and sometimes speak out, which I prefer. Neither has any effect on FIL, who will remain ignorantly offensive despite any and all action. He lives in another country now, so don't have massive contact. But when we do, I make an effort.

I disagree, Lou.

I thought it was your comment

" at some of the replies - how rude and childish to play games, however hard the IL visits are. These are the people who brought up your DH/DP, and you can't even show them respect, let alone being nice"

that changed the tone of the thread from lighthearted to chippy.

Look, lou, you called me and other posters rude, childish, selfish and unsupportive of our dps

I didn't see any chippiness on the thread before then - personal attacks do tend to inspire retaliation IME although I have refrained from attacking you in similar vein

if you want to disagree do it civilly

I am so lucky i have not heard from my in-laws for nearly 6 months, and they never visit off their own back. and they only live 2 miles away.

I apologise that I said "you". But I am shocked that someone thinks it is OK to let their in-laws travel to visit, then pretend to go to work. But, do you know what, if Custardo wants to stay in bed, fine. I'm not going to waste emotional energy on this thread.

Apologies to all who feel that I have attacked them in any way by sharing my opinion.

No you didn't attack us by sharing your opinions, you attacked us by describing us as childish and selfish

tbh I think my way of doing things is rather mature
it doesn't stress anyone out or offend anyone
ILs can visit and see their grandson
dp doesn't have to worry about what his mother is going to say to me next
I can graciously see them for a limited amount of time and keep up a very thin facade of good relations

I find this a good and sensible solution to my inlaw problems
I find the idea of sitting on a sofa seething, and listening to my FIL attack my dp, but saying nothing to defend him, appalling and incomprehensible

but whatever floats your boat

That's why breastfeeding is so great. There's many a time I've had to go to my bedroom to feed my children (with a tv ofcourse) when Dh's relations have been visitng.

This thread has lost its entertainment value.
It was obviously light hearted. Why spoil it by taking it so seriously?
No sign of custardo - reckon she must have relented and is preparing 3 course meal.

fucking Hell

this kicked off!

just for the record - i posted in AIBU as i new IWBVU. ofcourse it goes without saying that if guests travel 300 miles i will be the gracious hostess.

so thanks to he couple of you that got the irony there.

methinks that maybe lou453452340023450234000 hasn't been on mumsnet long enough to understand that AIBU is surely nothing more than a parody.?! i think so anyway.

(PS. i don't hate my IN-laws )

i made egg butties and toast for 11 people

i later made brgers and hotdogs

and then took thenm to the beach for cake by the sea

i am FUCKING GREAT!

thanks you >>>>

egg butties
you did good custy

cheers babe.

Agree with all your points Franny (just the way I handle my ILs) and love colditz's point about not caring what "respect inducing thing they did 25 years ago if they are foul to me now". This is so my MIL, she keeps telling DH that I need to treat her with "deference, gratitude and respect" (presumably because she wiped his bottom and such like when he was 2)but has told me openly and repeatedly that there is no need whatsoever for her to treat me with any respect . She can't work out why we don't get on.

Custardo, well done for making an effort to start with.

I feel like I have to visit my Sil who has 3 children, and when I arrive with my parents she goes all moody and doesn't even come and say hello. My mum always says that when her in-laws came to visit she had to cook them a sunday lunch, let alone actually show her face!! I personally have got more interesting things to do than visit a moody depressed housewife who should never have really had children in the first place, but just a couple of times a year I feel obliged to go and visit (if I didn't I'd be labeled 'uncaring'), so I think it's a bit self-obsessed to be sitting in your bedroom having a teenage strop, thinking 'woe is me', when it was your own decision to have children.

Maybe your Bil and Sil really don't want to be in your house either, but they've decided to put up with the awkwardness out of politeness and respect for you and your children, so if they've given up a whole day to come and see you, I think you should at least spend a bit of time with them. You don't have to put make-up on or even brush your hair, just go and have a laugh with them - open a bottle of wine and tell them they're in charge of the kids! Open up to them a little bit and you might be able to make friends with them and then they can be supportive for you?