AIBU to think people should not be online if they cannot handle being challenged?

[WastingTimeNotDrinkingWine]

I was reading on Reddit about the latest MN spin-off and I do get why people are fed up.

MN can be grim. The name-changing feature is a double-edged sword, and some posters clearly use it to be vile, vanish, then come back polished and innocent. There is plenty of extreme views knocking about too.

But another "less bitchy women's forum"? Come on.

Maybe MN has not "become" anything. Maybe it just reflects the mood everywhere now - sharper, more direct, more political and less patient.

These spin-offs always seem to start with earnest chat about the good old days and how forums used to be before everything got so nasty. Then they end up as twenty people agreeing with each other and wondering why it is dead.

I'm not sure hiding from reality is the brave alternative people think it is. If you go online, especially on a discussion forum, surely part of that is accepting that people will disagree with you. Sometimes bluntly.

Cute idea. Doubt it will last.

AIBU to feel this way?

I suspect the OP was less concerned about a banned MNer starting a new forum so they can say what they want, and more about the broader ideas of falling resilience and increasing echo chambers in online spaces generally.

People are allowed to want a different space. MN can be really, really horrible at times.

Surely it is how you are challenged? There's polite debate but then some people are really nasty.

Not a damned thing wrong with that.

This thread just reads like a big old advert for the new spin-off forum.

I suspect it's designed to encourage people to head to Reddit and find out how to join.

There's a whole sub dedicated to taking the piss out of clearly made up threads.

I’m always impressed (if a little embarrassed) when someone explains to me how and why I’m wrong, if done in a civilised way of course.

Mostly, though, it seems to be people going YOU’RE WRONG!!!!!! and if questioned further they have nothing to say (someone even wrote, “Can’t be arsed.”)

Of course one shouldn’t take it seriously but it really is a bore. It seems like these days enough people come online just to be annoying that it isn’t that entertaining anymore most of the time.

Does it? I guess I’ve seen enough of them come and go over the years that it
didn’t even register.

Exactly. Some people come on here like a bear with a sore head, and are clearly looking for someone to have a go at.

It really does. There's a thread on site stuff related to it.

I just went onto Reddit for a wee peek.
My goodness there are some bitter and twisted MN obsessed people on there.
I had no idea.

A community of women gathering to exchange views and advice is always going to be treated with contempt - because misogyny.

The occasional male poster on here doesn’t change the fact that this is almost entirely a female community. And the FWB board is often referred to with a combination of derision and disgust. Especially by Reddit.

There are lots of posters on here that I disagree with vehemently. Sometimes I comment on those posts, but often not.

I think the current very binary nature of politics is reflected here. Society has become quite tribal and that’s seen in many online forums, not just MN. But Reddit certainly seems to have a particular dislike for MN. Can’t imagine why….

I’m AuDHD and I’m not always in the mood for a discussion that I find draining. On those days I just hang around gentler boards, like Property. On other days, I quite enjoy a spirited discussion. I appreciate the fact that MN has a wide range of users and different subjects. Some boards are very supportive and easy, others can be more challenging.

And we all have different thresholds for what we consider to be “vile”. I might see posts that I disagree with or find personally offensive, but that’s to do with the other person’s viewpoint being different than mine. I see very little that’s objectively “vile”.

I value MN, especially as it’s a collection of female voices.

But you don’t always see people challenging when they’re being nasty. Sometimes they’re just horrible.

@Gardenpleasure- yeah, but there are also some really funny posters there. Who make the comments you can't make here and how ridiculous some of the absolute bullshit posted here that seems to suck people in.

@PillsBox

😭😭 I've definitely become a stronger person since being on aibu!

When I say girl, its in a friendly nene leakes way 😄, not sure why it pisses people off so much

That's interesting!

Are you American?

I'm Irish and we say girl and boy all the time but I don't really say it on here, as it just comes across differently without my accent 😬😁

😄😄 no just a regular londoner 🙈

Being challenged when you are factually wrong about something is ok to me, and I welcome it... even if I feel like an idiot after.
I think it is ok to challenge opinions, if done civilly.

But some people make a habit of just coming online to upset people, even on here. It can go from disagreeing with someone, and AS them to pull up irrelevant things and using it to personally attack them. They are the people who should not be online. It is easy for them to do that because they are keyboard cowards. I bet most of them would not do the same when face to face.

ha no not an ad. I don't care about it that much but I am sick of the whole "sanitised internet" feeling some places have.

It's as if some adults simply can't adult. Put on your big girl pants and face the world.

They are not starting a new chat forum because they "can't handle being challenged", they are starting it because they were banned from MN and still want a chat forum. I'm not sure how you managed to miss that point.

The internet is a big enough place, if people want to set up a new forum, which won't tolerate the nastiness and slagging off that's becoming a daily feature on MN then good for them! I wouldn't have the time and patience to run something like that, but I admire anyone who can and does.

I’ve been using chat forums since 2004 and they’re all, always like mumsnet. Some friendly chat but mainly arguing, contrariness, debate and disagreement.

i think the people who want to spend their time chatting on forums are naturally drawn to bullying, piss taking and wanting to be right all the time (include myself in this!)
Doesn’t matter whether it’s mumsnet, net mums, handbag, hitched or Reddit. it’s all the same, Mumsnet just likes to think it’s special

A lot of them - probably most of them - do seem to end up that way eventually.
I think once a forum is being run as a business, it has to keep pulling in as many users as possible, and that means the bar for what is acceptable can slowly get lower. Then once it drops a bit, it is not that far down to the next level - ie: Daily Mail-style outrage - and it becomes all about gawping at other people than actually joining in properly.

Forums like Ask The Room, or any others that start without that same commercial pressure really, probably have a better chance of keeping the atmosphere decent. The hard part is whether they can keep people around once the novelty wears off. And most of them don't.