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to not want to be nice anymore......

7 replies

deeeja · 22/06/2008 01:11

Am p**d off being nice to family members that make not one ounze of effort with me. I keep all long-distance relations(siblings) informed about my ds's and all our lives and always enquire about their children, but they don't make any effort towards me. I make all phone-calls, write all letters/cards, etc and barely get an email back in return. They offer me no support for hard times I have had, but want all sympathy and often monetary help when they have problems. I feel used and stupid.
What else can I do? They are family after all, just wish I could get rid of them, trade then in for new siblings, that will be one of each please, if anyone wants to trade!

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 22/06/2008 13:10

Dump 'em. I haven't had contact with my brother for a year and a half now and my life is much better and less stressful now. Mind you, what he did to me was extreme and cost me tens of thousands of pounds!

Love2bake · 22/06/2008 13:13

Stay quiet for a while and they may realise how unfair they have been.

bumpybecky · 22/06/2008 13:54

if it's making you unhappy then stop

I gave up with the one sided contact with my (only) sister years ago now. Sometimes it makes me sad, wonder where it all went wrong, but overall it's less stress this way. I've not seen her for almost 8 years now

AMumInScotland · 22/06/2008 14:06

The best advice I've ever had about dealing with other people (not just family) is that you can't change the way they are, you can only attempt to change how you behave and how you react to their behaviour. So, you're probably stuck with the fact that they are selfish and can't be bothered. And you're stuck with the fact that they're your family, but that doesn't mean you have to run round after them - after all they don't seem to be running to help you, and you're their family, right?

So, if their behaviour annoys and upsets you, then rethink your choices. If you are always phoning them and you don't want to, then phone less often. If they ask for financial help and you are not in a position (and/or simply don't want) to help, then don't. And don't feel bad about it - it's not your job to bail them out.

lardybump · 22/06/2008 14:07

I have the same with my family I just blindly go along with it but dp gets really cross. My mum is always calling my sister and brother to check how they are but never phones me. I really hoped that she wouldn't treat my dd differently to my sisters children but sadly she does. She never asks after her or comes to see her, the only time she does see her or talk to her is if I take her to her house.

My sister can get away with blue murder and everyone else makes sure that they never upset her and my brother is the blue eyed boy (who openly admits to hating me as a child and never makes any time for me or dd now)

So although I dont think they will be any better do you want to swap??

Elasticwoman · 22/06/2008 21:36

Just reduce contact to the point at which you don't mind them not answering.

Just because you share a genetic inheritance doesn't mean you have to be best pals with some one. But it's better not to have an open rift if possible. That's my opinion anyway.

mrsruffallo · 22/06/2008 21:53

You have your own children. Concentrate on your little unit and don't let them make you feeel like this anymore.

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