To think it’s often ‘momentum’ which stops people keeping jobs?

[Flamingosareflummoxed]

I have a friend. She has between inbetween jobs ever since leaving uni. She got a first so this is not someone lacking in brains or drive. She is the most driven person I know in many respects.
At one point she was well on her way to having a great career. She just couldn’t commit to being at her desk and kept missing important meetings and so was let go.
Every single job is the same. She is exceptional at getting jobs. She had about 30 interviews and 15 jobs since I’ve known her (2 years).
But when it comes to actually going in every day, she can’t do it. I think it scares her. In fact as soon as she gets the job, she starts job hunting.
I’ve had many a frank conversation with her. Ive told her about ADHD, which she gets really angry about.
It has real consequences, such as debt, needing to borrow money, missing out.

I don’t think I can sit by and watch this. All the congratulations when she gets a job in a factory when she never has any intention of starting, let alone working there long term.
She doesn’t claim any benefits and her parents don’t bankroll her. She has a partner.

Well she’s obviously not the norm as most people manage to go to work every day and do their job.

What do you mean by ‘momentum’? I’ve never know. Anyone like your friend.

Yes I mean the acceptance of the fact that you have to do that every day. Get up and go to work.

you can only leave her to it
she will have to wise up to her behaviour

She knows that. She’s not stupid. She knows she has to go in every day, but she’s not able to. There’s a difference. Sounds to me like she’s crippled by fear.

That’s called being an adult. When you accept a job you make a commitment to attend and do the work they have for you to the best of your ability. She must surely realise that’s what’s required of her. Yes it’s easier to do if you’re in the habit of being at work, but you don’t get into that habit if you just don’t turn up.

Her partner will get very tired of bankrolling someone who isn’t pulling their weight.

She might be better suited to self employment as she clearly had self-discipline when at university. Having no work experience will make it hard to find the right business but being answerable only to herself might give her the momentum to make it work.

@Lurkingandlearningthat might be even worse, as she’ll have to give herself deadlines etc. She could easily work up to a position where she more responsible for her own workload but you have to put in a few months first to learn the job and prove yourself.
I think she is scared but swears she isn’t. She has lasted a few months in certain roles but then something will happen and she’ll have to leave, she won’t consider sick leave or anything else.

It sounds like she doesn't really 'need' to work if partner is paying all the bills. The need for food and shelter are what generally gets people to succumb to the drudgery of work.

What would it be like if she did luck out and find a super flexible employer?, something task based perhaps where doesn't matter so much when she is at her desk as long as the task is done? Would she not get the work done because she cannot bring herself to sit down at a time that suits her and do it? If so, this is really problematic.

What sort of jobs does she want to do?

@Kago2790they’re not well off though and he is not well. In winter she got some sort of infection as they hadn’t turned the heating on in three months and it was freezing. I really feel for her in many ways, she’s sold her car as she couldn’t afford it, which limits the jobs she can get. She’s not eating well. You’d think this would make her realise.

She sounds like classic ADHD. But I’m not sure why it’s your business.

@ohwhatthehellybecause I am going to have to end the friendship if she won’t help herself. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. It’s exhausting.

Well this clearly a unique situation as I don’t know anyone who doesn’t understand that if you’re offered a job then you actually have to do it!

What does SHE think the main reason she can’t hold down a job is? Is she embarrassed/ashamed about it?

Most of us have days where we can’t be fucked but the norm is to force yourself to because you’ve bills to pay. Most of us don’t job hop and fight to not get sacked as it looks horrendous on your CV and affects long term career prospects.
As a hiring manager if I see 15 jobs in 2 years on a CV, that one would be going in the bin for obvious reasons. Very surprised she’s getting interviews actually.

@Dumbledore167she can’t reflect on it at all, it is usually ‘oh well that one I didn’t really want but THIS ONE the next one/ the one I have the interview for, is going to be the best one, the one I stick at, I just thought I might as well not bother starting the other one as I’ll be handing my notice in straight away to do XYZ’

You might have to have this conversation with her really - there is really only so far you can help her directly. You might not have to walk away from the friendship completely but make it clear that this issue affects your friendship.

Not everyone is made to thrive in a 9 to 5 office job.

Your friend might do better in a trade, self-employed or taking on short term contracts.

Or it might simply be that she is not in the right sector and might need to retrain.

Or she could have ADHD or similar and there is a medical reason why she is struggling with routine and appointment.

There is a lot of judgement on this thread...

The monotony of going into one workplace every day, for the rest of your life, isn't for everybody! As others have suggested maybe she needs to look at something which isn't a 9-5 in the same place. Something which keeps it fresh and exciting to hold her interest?

She’s retrained many times.
When she was working in a hospital she decided she wanted to be a doctor. Had to pay large amounts to retake certain qualifications. Met a guy, stopped doing the coursework, lost 2K.
Tried to become a nutritionist.
Got onto a fully paid masters, didnt turn up.
Did shift work but missed her weekends.
Like I said, she’s tried all sorts

When you said something will happen, do you mean there’ll be a small issue and she’s out or do you mean she makes a huge error/ has a huge fight with a colleague etc etc? Would temping work work for her? Because then no matter what there’s an end date and she just has to get through a few weeks

Look after yourself. You're not her keeper.