Relstionship doubts

[ThisPoisedCyanMember]

Hi All. I'm 35 and moving in with my partner. I've never lived with a partner before. It's it normal to have doubts or what ifs? Were you 100% sure before you took this step?

I think it depends on what sort of doubts. I thought about how we’d get on day to day, who would cook, how we’d split cleaning etc. We had discussed and agreed on how to handle finances. Is it that sort of thing or are you worried about safety and bigger issues?

You can never be totally sure about anything but if these doubts are consuming you, then there may well be a reason for that.

Have you got a safety net in case it doesn’t work out? Savings and somewhere to go in an emergency? And do you have the same attitude towards splitting chores and bills? (If not, then don’t do it!).

Are you giving up you r home to more into theirs? How long ahve uou been together? Need more info....on a basic level I'd say lrobabky many people are nervous doing this..but each story is different about what those nerves might be about.
What makes you nervous?

Yes, but ill rent mine out. He's an amazing and caring partner and we get on really well, I was single for 4 years before we got togeather. I think I'm much more driven than he is, hes quite happy just to go along with life and I supposed I'm worried he's not ambitious enough and I'll be the one driving the relationship all the time.

Yes on the same page. But I feel I'm driving the practical conversations and he just goes along with it. (Although he was the one who asked me to move in). I suppose its making me anxious that itll be be me making all the big decisions going forward.

Ahh, yes, I understand that completely. If he’s naturally like that then yes, you probably will spend your entire life with him being the driving force behind everything from organising appointments to booking holidays. Which might be ok while it’s just the two of you, but men like that don’t make great co-parents.

But, he could surprise you. My DH is exceptionally laid back. I could paint our living room hot pink with orange polka dots and so long as I was happy and he could still watch the rugby, he wouldn’t care. I could tell him I’d booked us a holiday to Siberia and as long as there was a pool, he wouldn’t care. But, he takes responsibility for so much other stuff and I never feel like I have to push him or mother him.

In your shoes I’d possibly look for someone who only wants a short term let and then during that time, see how he is. A trial run of 6 months. I mean, you’re bound to have a few teething problems in the first couple of months as you get used to each other doing the things that you don’t normally see, but 6 months should give you a good idea if this will work out long term.