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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

P&C spaces (apologies)

34 replies

CanterThroughChaos · 17/05/2026 17:32

I had a situation in the supermarket today that’s not sitting quite right with me. So DH and I tried to get a p&c space but as we approached a white van took the last space. It was annoying as two adults and no children were in the van, more of an eye roll moment than anything to be seriously worried about. So we parked in the main car park got our trolley and went into the store. As we were walking in the two van people were at the kiosk, we probably looked a bit cross when we clocked them as they had taken the P&C space but went on with what we were doing as although annoying and a contentious issue I wouldn’t dream of confronting anyone over it, absolutely not worth it. However as we continued one of the people confronted us and said they wanted us to know they are charity workers collecting food for under privileged families. We said ok my dh even said sorry if we judged you, anything to de escalate and get out of the situation. It did leave me a bit shook as I hate any confrontation. But thinking about it more I can’t make it make sense. There are suitable spaces within the main car park for loading, plenty with a path to access and apart from the P&C spaces the car park was very quiet, two fit adults should have managed fine, I can see that the P&C spaces may have been more convenient though. Another reason it’s not sitting right is that I have a disabled child with the type of autism that is not a super power. Who is non verbal and has no sense of danger in the car park, for us the spaces make shopping safer not more convenient. Our child’s disability was very obvious to these people as they need to sit in the trolley seat although they are much past the age this is expected and they need to wear ear defenders in the supermarket due to sensory processing difficulties. On reflection I’m feeling like this person quite forcefully virtue signalled to us and anyone in earshot when they were morally not in the right. Charity work is admirable however I’m not sure convenience trumps safety. Not to mention leave people alone ffs! So am I being unfair? Please be gentle as I know I’ve got a bit over sensitive about this 🙏

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 17/05/2026 17:36

Sounds like you gave them evils and they told you they are charity workers 😭

Theyre unreasonable for parking in a p&c space

Youre unreasonable for being passive aggressive and not expecting a comeback

People with big vehicles parking in parent and child spaces are common occurrences, supermarkets could police them like they do blue badge spaces really

I have a blue badge for autistic dd - definitely get one, they're a lifesaver x

MandyMotherOfBrian · 17/05/2026 17:40

Firstly, why haven’t you applied for a BB, sounds like you qualify X?
Though that’s not the point. They’re idiots, don’t spend another moment giving this headspace,

stichguru · 17/05/2026 17:42

If you don't have kid's under 12 you don't need a P&C parking space. End of

MandyMotherOfBrian · 17/05/2026 17:44

supermarkets could police them like they do blue badge spaces really

Not sure what it’s like in the rest of country but round here pretty much all of the large supermarket/superstore areas are privately run so the actual shops have no say over what happens. There’s an ANPR in most to stop overstays that the private companies can collect fines for, remotely obviously, but I’ve never heard of anyone getting pulled up for parking in a disabled parking spot with the requisite BB. Do some of them actually patrol maybe?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/05/2026 17:49

Can you not get a blue badge to park on the disabled spot?
You gave them evils so they came and tried to explain, you then tried to run away from it. If you don’t want confrontation or apology then don’t be passive aggressive with strangers while you have your kids, you can’t ever control what strangers will do.

Endofyear · 17/05/2026 17:52

Well they may be charity workers collecting food but that doesn't mean it's ok for them to park in the parent & child spaces! I would probably have given them evils as well and I wouldn't have apologised if they came over to confront me! (I'm not one to start a confrontation but I'll stand my ground 😂)

Also, if I were you, I'd apply for a blue badge for your son, it makes life just that little bit easier when out and about.

Milkmonitoring · 17/05/2026 17:55

stichguru · 17/05/2026 17:42

If you don't have kid's under 12 you don't need a P&C parking space. End of

I used one today. And I don’t have kids under 12. I do have a BB and all the BB spaces were full.

Overthebow · 17/05/2026 17:56

They were wrong to park there but p&c spaces aren’t the same as disabled spaces.

CoralOP · 17/05/2026 18:13

You say twice that you don't like confrontation but you are glaring at people angrily. You clearly do like confrontation but only when you are the one giving it...

JustaDream · 17/05/2026 18:15

Gently as possible, I don't believe you didn't make passive aggressive statements, looks, sounds or whatever else and that is what led to the conflict.

You didn't expect the conflict but you wanted your opinion known.

So, FAFO is the phrase that is used when people make the wrong assumptions.

Being passive aggressive is a UK past time and some are far too comfortable and reliant on thinking others are just going to accept this behaviour.

You learned a lesson. What you do with that, in future, is up to you.

EverytimeItPours · 17/05/2026 18:18

Agree with pp that you must have been very obvious that you were annoyed and this is the issue really. If you didn’t want the confrontation then you can’t really go around loudly tutting or whatever you were doing to make them explain themselves

Cherry8809 · 17/05/2026 18:24

Staring them down with a face like a slapped arse is very clearly why they came over to speak to you.

Passive aggressive behaviour absolutely rubs me up the wrong way, and I’m sure there are many other people that would approach you and put you back into your box.

Your DC is 12 - apply for a blue badge if he is disabled instead of relying on P&C spaces.

Original poster
CanterThroughChaos · 17/05/2026 18:24

JustaDream · 17/05/2026 18:15

Gently as possible, I don't believe you didn't make passive aggressive statements, looks, sounds or whatever else and that is what led to the conflict.

You didn't expect the conflict but you wanted your opinion known.

So, FAFO is the phrase that is used when people make the wrong assumptions.

Being passive aggressive is a UK past time and some are far too comfortable and reliant on thinking others are just going to accept this behaviour.

You learned a lesson. What you do with that, in future, is up to you.

Edited

Ok so I absolutely promise that I didn’t make any statements or noises it was literally just clocking them and the emotion of being annoyed may have shown.

OP posts:
singthing · 17/05/2026 18:50

You just both managed to magically remember exactly how each other looked from a brief glance through two sets of windscreens which only show chest height upwards, went and parked somewhere else, got everyone out of the car and into trollies, then spotted each other in a packed supermarket but nothing at all was said, looked, gestured, inferred, and they just randomly came up to you and started on at you completely out of the blue and you are totally blameless in all of it?

Surely you can see how unlikely this whole thing reads?

Lifeisexpensive · 17/05/2026 19:01

Well I'd call bullshit on them being charity workers.

hahabahbag · 17/05/2026 19:07

@stichguru

you do if you have a profoundly disabled adult child and your council is refusing a blue badge despite max pip for mobility - we need to fully open the door to get her in and out and do up the seatbelt. Apparently they aren’t sure what box you tick??? She had one under 16 but since switching to pip from dla it’s impossible

SunnyRedSnail · 17/05/2026 19:12

CanterThroughChaos · 17/05/2026 17:32

I had a situation in the supermarket today that’s not sitting quite right with me. So DH and I tried to get a p&c space but as we approached a white van took the last space. It was annoying as two adults and no children were in the van, more of an eye roll moment than anything to be seriously worried about. So we parked in the main car park got our trolley and went into the store. As we were walking in the two van people were at the kiosk, we probably looked a bit cross when we clocked them as they had taken the P&C space but went on with what we were doing as although annoying and a contentious issue I wouldn’t dream of confronting anyone over it, absolutely not worth it. However as we continued one of the people confronted us and said they wanted us to know they are charity workers collecting food for under privileged families. We said ok my dh even said sorry if we judged you, anything to de escalate and get out of the situation. It did leave me a bit shook as I hate any confrontation. But thinking about it more I can’t make it make sense. There are suitable spaces within the main car park for loading, plenty with a path to access and apart from the P&C spaces the car park was very quiet, two fit adults should have managed fine, I can see that the P&C spaces may have been more convenient though. Another reason it’s not sitting right is that I have a disabled child with the type of autism that is not a super power. Who is non verbal and has no sense of danger in the car park, for us the spaces make shopping safer not more convenient. Our child’s disability was very obvious to these people as they need to sit in the trolley seat although they are much past the age this is expected and they need to wear ear defenders in the supermarket due to sensory processing difficulties. On reflection I’m feeling like this person quite forcefully virtue signalled to us and anyone in earshot when they were morally not in the right. Charity work is admirable however I’m not sure convenience trumps safety. Not to mention leave people alone ffs! So am I being unfair? Please be gentle as I know I’ve got a bit over sensitive about this 🙏

YABU to have not continued to challenge them.

If they're charity workers collecting food then that's great, but the food is in trolleys that is then loaded into the back of their van, so they had absolutely no need for a parent and child space as they didn't need wide opening door spaces!

(My uncle works for a food bank and often does the collection, and would not dream of parking in a disabled or P&C space)

NoKnit · 17/05/2026 19:16

I'm a bit lost as to why both of you went and took the child with you. A child with autism can do without a trip at the supermarket just one of you go in get the shopping be home and getting on with your lives much faster

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/05/2026 19:17

NoKnit · 17/05/2026 19:16

I'm a bit lost as to why both of you went and took the child with you. A child with autism can do without a trip at the supermarket just one of you go in get the shopping be home and getting on with your lives much faster

Edited

You have no idea what OPs child could do with, and it’s not at all relevant.

NoKnit · 17/05/2026 19:18

I'm a bit lost as to why both of you went and took the child with you. A child with autism can do without a trip at the supermarket just one of you go in get the shopping be home and getting on with your lives much faster

TeenLifeMum · 17/05/2026 19:19

Charity workers can also be inconsiderate arseholes too 🤷🏻‍♀️

RaspberryFeet · 17/05/2026 19:22

EverytimeItPours · 17/05/2026 18:18

Agree with pp that you must have been very obvious that you were annoyed and this is the issue really. If you didn’t want the confrontation then you can’t really go around loudly tutting or whatever you were doing to make them explain themselves

Exactly. You definitely do like confrontation!

Greenolivio · 17/05/2026 19:23

I think they saw you and realised you probably needed the space more than them, so jumped in with the charity worker line to make themselves feel better. So whether that’s really what they were doing or not, they likely felt bad hence going on the defense!

InterestingDuck · 17/05/2026 19:25

What I don't understand is why they confronted you if you hadn't said anything, either to them or to your husband.

Surely if people see someone looking a bit cross in the supermarket, they don't jump to the conclusion it's all about them. There'd be arguments every five minutes.

That aside, I don't think their errand was a reason to use a P&C space. The only valid reason to use one if you've no children is if you're disabled and all the disabled spaces are full.

I say this with no skin in the game as I'm childfree so have never used one.

Original poster
CanterThroughChaos · 17/05/2026 19:25

NoKnit · 17/05/2026 19:16

I'm a bit lost as to why both of you went and took the child with you. A child with autism can do without a trip at the supermarket just one of you go in get the shopping be home and getting on with your lives much faster

Edited

They generally cope well with adjustment like ear defenders and snacks. Most of the time it’s a positive experience. I usually do the main shop by myself during the week but do the weekend shop with my child. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to expose them to activities like shopping and build their resilience. Although I completely understand why this isn’t going to work for everyone and we should all do what we judge to be best for our individual children.

OP posts: