How to get any of my looks back (is it even possible)?

[Uuuhhli]

In my late twenties and early thirties I looked good. Good body, shiny hair, nice teeth, with make up I scrubbed up well and felt nice.

I am now almost 40, been single a couple of years and a single parent to a four year old.

I’ve managed to retain my figure and my hair shine has come back but my face… I look ugly. No matter what I do the make up doesn’t look right. My eyes look like they’ve gone really small. If I put too much make up on you can really tell it cakes into the lines. My teeth look smaller too.

I won’t bother saying how unfashionable I am but I have no idea what clothes to wear as an almost 40 year old woman.

I really want to go dating again but the full confidence I had last time round years ago just is not there at all. How can this dramatic change have happened so severely? Any ideas how to fix it and if it’s even possible?

Depends on how far you want to go I guess.

I’m in my 40s and after years of losing my identity to being a mum I’m now looking after me!

I get Botox and I’ve had fillers in my face to give it a lift. I get that’s not for everyone but it’s taken the tired away and has brought a freshness back to my face. I get my hair done. I don’t wear cakey make up as it does sit in your lines. I wear things like Lumi glotion from L’Oréal and have started Korean skin care. And plum mascara as I’ve got blue eyes! I’ve also been to the hygienist more regularly. I care about what I wear. I don’t dress practically but buy what makes me feel good. I’ve taken up yoga and joined a gym.

@EnidVance thanks for sharing. I have been too scared to do Botox but I guess that’s one thing that would help!

I could probably eat better. I do eat lots of veg but also eat loads of chocolate too which maybe ruins the effect of the veg!

I feel so haggard

Botox and drink loads of water

I’ve been having Botox for a year and a half, about every 4 months or so. I went with a recommendation from a friend and have never regretted it. The woman I see is brilliant. The filler softens the lines in my face which I’m so self conscious about and gave my cheeks a lift, without looking puffy.

There is plenty of inspiration on line, over 40s tik tok. How you dress and have your hair makes a huge difference. Clothes don’t have to be expensive. I’ve bought a lot from Tesco recently plus shop in Zara, New Look and River Island.

Also if you think your eyes look small either you need some mascara or maybe you’re squinting and need your eyes testing and some cool new glasses? It’s just a thought! Only because I’ve had this recent conversation with a friend!

Pay for a professional make up class to learn what would be good for your skin and enhance the bits you like. But anything more dramatic you need botex and filler. And if you hate it. It does go over time

I’m planning for upper and lower bleph plus Botox at 45/46 then probably a facelift around 50. I wouldn’t touch fillers I’ve seen too many issues with them.

Most people need much lighter make up when they're older. No eyeliner or a small amount of soft brown liner, a light foundation rather than a full coverage.
The better your skin is the better the make up will sit. Put loads of serum and moisturiser on. If you can't have facials at a salon do some at home, a mix of peels and moisturising masks. Ordinary products are good budget options, so is Loreal.
If you upload a picture to ChatGPT it can give you tailored advice for what skincare and make up will work for you.

Upper Bleph is life changing and fairly affordable if you go abroad.

@Uuuhhli you don't look ugly. You look older. Because you ARE older.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking older, and the older you get, the more you understand about beauty only being skin deep...

What's attractive is confidence, and the confidence to be yourself without needing Botox, or any other of these ridiculous measures people go to just to try and cling on to their past.

Get a good moisturiser, drink lots of water (don't dehydrate your skin too much with alcohol), exercise and smile.

Also, try different brands of make up that suit older skin, so when you apply the foundation it doesn't look cakey. I just use L'Oreal BB magic cream nowadays which evens out my skin tone and doesn't dry my skin out.

Agree with lighter make up. Good skin care routine. Retinol. Regular facial peels, brow care (tint, lamination or micro blading depending on your eye brow type). Lash perm / tint or natural looking lash extensions. Subtle teeth whitening if needed. Plenty of water and limited alcohol.

Do you use a primer op? I’d look at that and consider using eg a bb cream/ change your foundation before looking at anything drastic. Eye cream (I recommend cereve!) before concealer under eyes. A subtle mascara. I don’t agree you necessarily need any actual treatments at all, even a facial, moisturiser, spf, primer and whatever you choose, at night a cleanser/ wash, face cream and eye cream again x

This potentially is an unpopular option but the best thing I’ve done for my face in the last ten years is to put a bit of weight on - gone up from a 12 to a 14 and it has done wonders for my skin and general un-haggardness. Gives me other things to fret about but currently the face is okay.

The other top tip I’ve found on instagram is that when you put on any make up around the eye (concealer, foundation etc), pat it on rather than smooth it on. Stick a bit on your hand and then tap it on from there and, crucially, when blending it, go in the wrong direction from the outside inward, so if doing under eye concealer, start push it in from the outer corners of your eye towards the nose. I have no idea why it works but it seems to get a lot less set into fine lines that way.

Wrt to what you were saying about your teeth, I Discovered that the reason my teeth seemed smaller than they used to be was because I grind them. I’ve had cosmetic dentistry in the last few years and I need to wear in Invisalign retainers every night. The retainers don’t stop the grinding obviously but they do stop its effects.

Hopefully you don’t grind your teeth but it’s a possibility, and there is a solution. I’m sure you don’t need the full (veneer) treatment. I’m also sure you don’t look “ugly” OP.

I second the advice that you have to reduce the amount of make up as you get older. I prefer a tinted moisturiser rather than a foundation.

Do you know about the changes that have been happening to make up? Lots of brands are having to reformulate to remove talc (especially if you use powder foundation) and as a result, I am finding them all horrible and cakey. So yes some of it might be to do with getting older, but im also really struggling just to find a product itself which works for me at the minute!

Go clothes shopping, get a great haircut and stop worrying.

Life changing? In what way?

I'm early 40s and had the same slump you did, it was like ageing suddenly downloaded in one huge lump! I'm getting a thread lift to tighten up my jowls and marionette lines, and botox to help lift the corners of my eyes. I've never had any cosmetic work done before, but I realised I'd rather the scaffolding look good than learn to do make up! Make up wise I use a very light moisturising foundation, and I moisturise before hand, that helps to avoid dry cakiness in fine lines.

I second the chat gpt suggestion. I hadn’t changed my make up for around 20 years, so I uploaded a photo and it gave me the exact brands and shades to go for, and showed me a photo of what it would look like on. The results were seriously impressive!

Same goes for clothes, it can suggest new clothes that would suit you, in colours that would flatter you. Personally though, I like to try things on so maybe book a personal shopper appointment? I did that recently at Mint Velvet and got some really gorgeous clothes that suit me perfectly.

Also recommend a lash lift, it will open up your eyes and even if you’re wearing no make up somehow makes you look more put together.

I tried Botox once in my late thirties, and hated the result. I do swear by the Elemis pro collagen skincare range, I’m sure my wrinkles look loads better since I’ve been using it.

Start getting serious about skincare (retionol 1%), hyaluronic acid, red light mask. Adjust your makeup by watching tutorials from YouTube, exercise every day, get a spray tan, wax, get your teeth whitened, invest in professional hair gloss (Redken Shades EQ-I do my own and saves me hundreds a year) and dress for your body

I'm older, but I follow a number of 'influencers' in my age group on Instagram. For me, these are women in their 60s with good fashion sense. They post their outfit of the day and where they got the clothes from. For me, it was a good way to get an idea of things that were fashionable currently, that I liked.

I'd suggest trying to find similar women in their mid 30s-40s. You won't like everyone's style, but you just need a few to get you looking at what might look nice on you.

Ask your friends if they follow anyone for fashion, or ask anonymously on a new post here for people you could follow.

Apart from that, yes, water and a bit of botox help. A makeup lesson for new trends could be helpful too, but watch they're not just pushing ultra expensive products.

Retinol, teeth whitening, get your colours done, do strength training

I’m early 50’s and really feel peri wiped me out looks wise.
Ive always had high cheekbones but feel my eyes look more hooded and noticed the turkey neck creeping in and jowls.
i have just bought the shark mask for the red light and im waiting on my first skin and me order as I have no clue about retinol / tret etc.
ive lost 3 stone and thats also made me look worse in my face but better for the body.
I haven’t tried Botox yet I always thought I would when I hit 40’s , I need to take better care of myself I feel I’m always in joggers / leggings as I work outside with animals.
i love the chat gp idea that’s been recommended, gonna give that a try regarding make up.
lots of good advice on this post op , hope it helps you feel better :)