Finding my friend moaning about her finances to be out of touch

[Hanhan89]

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. She has always been very open about things - relationships, family issues, finances etc.

She was going on yesterday how she (+DP/DC age 2) can’t afford to move house. She then revealed that they have combined earnings of c.£4200 (she is part time 3 days a week) and after their current mortgage/bills/food etc they have around £1500 of this left over every month.

I know this isn’t necessarily rich by any stretch of the imagination but I know many people would love to have that left over every month. I said to her that surely they could afford for bills to increase with any move by a further £6/700 and still have a healthy amount left but she said no, they’d then struggle to save/invest and afford holidays.

This is where I lost sympathy - I think people now expect to be able to afford all luxuries in life, when the reality is that they need to prioritise what is important?

I have similar with someone i work with. I live alone now, luckily no children to support. But she moans about money all the time, she has a husband so 2nd income. Children are older. Shes not British and goes home once a year at least, goes on holiday every year, Xmas markets abroad, paid for sons driving lessons and tests, the list goes on. But we have to listen to her most days saying shes on nmw (she isnt) and how do people think she manages if anyone else says they struggle.

I have a friend like this. She's always claiming she's absolutely on the bones of her arse. Always desperate to stay at my house so she doesn't need to pay for an expensive hotel in a big city. Refused to even go and get a pint of milk for the house when we ran out. Stole a packet of my sweets and put them in her handbag?!

She then started moaning about how much she hates her new kitchen. That cost £40k. While sitting in mine that hasn't seen a refurb ever and is from the early 80s?!

This always reminds me of a colleague who was in bits at work one day as she had no food in for the week and had no money until payday the next week so I gave her £100 which left me very tight but I was not in need like her (she had three children). The next day she thanked me as she was so worried she would have had to dip into her savings. I was FUMING.

She IS prioritising what’s important for her though I.e saving and holidays, rather than buying a bigger house. She can still wish she had more money to have a bigger house as well as saving and going on holidays? I don’t see what the issue is?

I wouldn’t say it’s masses to be honest. But she could always go back full time if needed.

Eh? She’s saying she plans her finances so she can meet bigger costs. I assume they know better than you whether they can afford to move house. Average people will have similar amounts after fixed costs.

I think if she’s complaining to someone who’s struggling to buy a basic food shop etc then it’s in poor taste but to say she can’t afford a bigger house as it would jeopardise the things she prioritises is fine.

I think I’m similar. I live in a 2 bed house and would like an extra bedroom but the additional budget would ‘cost’ our summer holiday each year and a winter one every 2/3 years as well impact our savings and it’s not worth it to me. I’ve had that conversation with friends and it’s fine. Wouldn’t have it with my cousin who is in a very precarious financial situation though as it would be inappropriate and a bit mean I think.

She is prioritising what’s important to her. Shes acknowledging she can’t move house and do the other things that are important to her. Her income is fairly average for two people working and covering all her needs having £1.5k left suggests she’s fairly frugal day to day. I’m not sure why you think it’s unreasonable for her to recognise she can’t have everything she wants.

I think how much you have/how much she perceives you to have matters here. I’m a decent earner and obviously it would be in bad taste to complain to a friend about the cost of everything if they were struggling. But if it’s someone I know earns similar to me I have no problem mentioning I’m annoyed about the ever-increasing costs of everything. Just because I can afford some luxuries doesn’t mean I’m immune to any worries or frustrations with money!