AIBU to stop updating my ex about our child’s health?

Freshpjs · 2026-05-17T09:54:35+00:00

So 3 years ago I split from my children’s father, I really struggled to do what I did but I couldn’t handle him living like he had no children and I was the one to pick up the pieces. The woman that apparently I had nothing to worry about was the woman he ended up with 2 weeks after we split. Anyway this isn’t my issue anymore just a bit of a background. i contacted him the other day to give him an update on his child’s health. He came back with, look you don’t need to contact me unless it is an absolute emergency. I don’t want to contact him but I just feel as a co-parent these are things I would want to know? I have decided to just never ever contact him again as I think for some reason he believes that I just want to talk to him as I still want him or something, unless the new gf just doesn’t like any form of contact? I just find it quite odd.

Vaxtable · 17/05/2026 10:56

I would get one of the parenting apps available and only community via that. You can the leave a message and it’s up to him what he does with it.

he can’t the say he was never told

Squirrelchops1 · 17/05/2026 10:57

If he has PR he can make the effort directly with GP etc to find out health info so I'd stop updating him.

Original poster

Freshpjs · 17/05/2026 10:58

I contacted to let him know to pick one of our children up from home rather than school as she was ill but apparently it’s just an excuse to speak to him?

OP posts:

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/05/2026 10:59

He’s a horrible man.
only update him if he needs to know eg he needs to give them medicine when he has them, otherwise don’t tell him about anything less than hospital visit

Pearlstillsinging · 17/05/2026 10:59

Of course it wasn't unreasonable to let him know about your child's health but now you know how he feels, you will not be unreasonable to tell him nothing until DC is going to see him ( I assume they have contact) at which time you could say 'antibiotic, in washbag, needs to be administered x3 daily'. Let him ask what they are for.

EBearhug · 17/05/2026 11:04

Does he look after your child at all? He'd need to know for that.

He should be aware of whether the child is up-to-date with inoculations, dentist visits, etc. He should know about major illnesses and injuries, hospital visits, allergies. But I'm aware that in most families, one parent is likely to be on top of all that more than the other, when they're happily together, so as much as he should know, it's probably unrealistic that he does know everything. But there are some things he will need to know - I guess you can share that at handover, though.

If he's not actively involved in parenting at all, your child doesn't see him, he's opted out and then I'd get payments sorted through CMS and otherwise ignore him. If he feels he's missing out, he knows how to get in touch. It's his choice to be a crap parent, and he will reap what he sows.

Original poster

Freshpjs · 17/05/2026 11:07

Pearlstillsinging · 17/05/2026 10:59

Of course it wasn't unreasonable to let him know about your child's health but now you know how he feels, you will not be unreasonable to tell him nothing until DC is going to see him ( I assume they have contact) at which time you could say 'antibiotic, in washbag, needs to be administered x3 daily'. Let him ask what they are for.

It’s like he just doesn’t know how to be a parent. He sees them every other weekend and why he could possibly think that I am still madly in love with him on the back of that is completely crazy.

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ChocolateAddictAlways · 17/05/2026 11:08

Why are so many men like this? Their animosity or indifference towards their ex completely gets in the way of their ability to be a good parent.

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 17/05/2026 11:09

Change your thinking. Co parenting is for the decent men... Not useless twats.
Do as he asked... In an emergency only. When he doesn't really know your dc it isn't your fault..

KoalaSquid · 17/05/2026 11:14

Freshpjs · 17/05/2026 10:58

I contacted to let him know to pick one of our children up from home rather than school as she was ill but apparently it’s just an excuse to speak to him?

This isn’t even a health update, it’s purely a logistics one. He needed to collect the child from a different place than the usual one. What were you meant to do, if not send him a message?

I’d be replying something like “Hi Twat, this wasn’t a health update. It was purely letting you know where to collect Child from. In future, what would you like me to do? Let you go to the school for no reason?”

Original poster

Freshpjs · 17/05/2026 11:15

I’ve honestly never known anything like it. I was so confused after the phone call.

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sesquipedalian · 17/05/2026 11:15

“I have decided to just never ever contact him again”

OP, that is unreasonable. Your ex has said he doesn’t want you to contact him for every little thing, but if something important happened, then surely you would be duty-bound to let him know - he’s still your DC’s parent, even if he doesn’t act like one. I’d be sparing with information, but I would keep him in the loop, if only so that you can’t be accused of cutting him out of his DC’s lives. If he sees them every other weekend, then for the most part, you can let him know anything he needs to know then. If you do send other info, keep it very short and sweet.

Original poster

Freshpjs · 17/05/2026 11:17

sesquipedalian · 17/05/2026 11:15

“I have decided to just never ever contact him again”

OP, that is unreasonable. Your ex has said he doesn’t want you to contact him for every little thing, but if something important happened, then surely you would be duty-bound to let him know - he’s still your DC’s parent, even if he doesn’t act like one. I’d be sparing with information, but I would keep him in the loop, if only so that you can’t be accused of cutting him out of his DC’s lives. If he sees them every other weekend, then for the most part, you can let him know anything he needs to know then. If you do send other info, keep it very short and sweet.

We don’t interact at pick ups/drop offs, surely I would make the effort to see him at that point if I was so madly In love with him.

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Original poster

Freshpjs · 17/05/2026 11:18

sesquipedalian · 17/05/2026 11:15

“I have decided to just never ever contact him again”

OP, that is unreasonable. Your ex has said he doesn’t want you to contact him for every little thing, but if something important happened, then surely you would be duty-bound to let him know - he’s still your DC’s parent, even if he doesn’t act like one. I’d be sparing with information, but I would keep him in the loop, if only so that you can’t be accused of cutting him out of his DC’s lives. If he sees them every other weekend, then for the most part, you can let him know anything he needs to know then. If you do send other info, keep it very short and sweet.

Just makes me feel like I have mithered him, I never ever speak to him.

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PassOnThat · 17/05/2026 13:48

I would take him at his word. Just let him go to the school next time and come away with no child. Up to him if he wants to be an awkward bugger.

Original poster

Freshpjs · 17/05/2026 15:57

PassOnThat · 17/05/2026 13:48

I would take him at his word. Just let him go to the school next time and come away with no child. Up to him if he wants to be an awkward bugger.

I just don’t understand why he wants to be like that?

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Sunisgettinganewhaton · 17/05/2026 19:33

Ime a lot of exes who find new partners become worse than previously... He needs to keep up the charade of you being The Mad Ex to the new gf.