AIBU - privacy around health

[Jen329]

I’m going through a health issue and was getting some moral support from my parents and sister. I asked them not to share with other people about it as privacy around health is really important to me. And for lots of reasons - not wanting questions about it, not wanting people to feel ‘sorry’ for me, not wanting opinions etc. And in general I think it’s quite normal not to want lots of people to know about your health issues - or am I going mad?!

I recently found out that my mum shared this information with basically all their acquaintances and the wider family months ago (because I started to think that she had and pressed her on the issue). I got very upset about this, and then she got very angry with me - saying that everyone ‘should’ know and she felt she was ‘lying’ to people by not telling them.

I then said everything was ok, because there was no way she was going to see my point of view, and I don’t want to cause a huge rift and life is too short. My brother then told me not to ‘take it out on her’ … and this after I’d just been in hospital for a week. My sister has however has been really supportive.

I know once information is out there and people know it’s not really in your control whether they tell other people…But I can’t help feel incredibly upset and let down. It’s really getting to me and making me feel sad a lot of the time at the moment. The fact she told everyone months ago has really affected how I see our relationship. AIBU here?

No you are not BU, but you now know you cannot trust your mum with information gping forwards. You need to weight up if privacy or her support are more useful to you at this stage.

FWIW I fully understand your desire for privacy, and hate when people make out you are unreasonable when caught out lying/crossing boundaries. Your mum is not the victim here, do not agree with your brother.

Some use others issues as a topic to gossip
But to have your mum do it is extra special to say the least
Your brother has no say in this what you want privacy wise is nothing to do with him.

My mother did exactly the same when I had a hideously difficult, v interventionist birth, huge haemorrhage and almost died. I no longer live in my home country and when I went to visit when DS was about three months, neighbours I’d never even met were familiar with the most intimate details. When I asked her why, she said ‘They asked and I couldn’t not tell them’. She was also mortified and angry that I told one of them she was being nosy and intrusive.

It reminded me why I never tell her anything. I’ve had cancer treatment since and not told her.

YANBU.

Personally I wouldn’t mind my mum talking about it with a friend of hers that I didn’t really know. I can see why she might want to talk about her daughter being in hospital for a week.
But telling loads of people, including family, when you’ve been clear that you don’t want that because you don’t want people asking you about it, is not ok.

You're not unreasonable at all and I think you should tell your mum that from now on you won't be telling her anything because she can't be trusted not to blab to others about your private business. And I'd tell your brother to f off too!

YANBU
My ex used to have a weekly phone call with his mum. One week, she went into great detail about his SIL and issues she was having "down below".
I told him to never tell her anything about me. She may as well have put it in the national paper.