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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to separate son from his friend ?

6 replies

Hopeful20000 · 16/05/2026 21:34

Hi all,

Looking for some advice on son's (just turning six) friendships.

We live in Italy so he's in his third year kindergarten and starts school in September. There will be four first year classes at his school and I am not sure whether to ask for him to be separated from his two "best friends".

He is in a friendship triangle with another girl and boy. He became friends with the girl first, then the boy joined and the two boys sort of fought a bit over the girl, often leading to one boy being left out. Recently the two boys have become close and I had thought it was more balanced, the kindergarten teachers also said it had become more balanced and my son had grown in confidence. However, recently I have witnessed many occasions where the other two kids have left my son out. Specifically he was excluded from play by the girl, who then persuaded the boy to also exclude him. Reasons for the exclusion have been: my son playing with another child briefly, my son accidentally bumping into the girl whilst bike riding (he apologized and showed concern), my son saying things the girl believes untrue (eg he is having ice team instead of cake at his party), etc.
On all these occasions my son became extremely emotional and the father of the boy intervened and tried to get his son to include my son again. On every occasion the boy looked to the girl who shook her head, then the boy also refused. The mother of the girl said we should let them sort it out themselves.

Any combination of two kids works very well, and on many occasions the three play nicely together, but these recent arguments, plus the complicated past has made me doubt if the friendship is healthy for my son.

Would you ask for them to be separated when placed in their school classes in september? Also if that meant the other two kids would be in a class together and him separate? He does know other kids who he gets along with but it seems whenever his triangle friends are there then he is drawn to them.

Thanks for any advice

OP posts:
maybethisway · 16/05/2026 22:13

I think I would, yes. It might sort itself out anyway but no harm in making new friends. He can see the existing girl and boy at playtime if he wants to.

Hopeful20000 · 17/05/2026 06:18

maybethisway · 16/05/2026 22:13

I think I would, yes. It might sort itself out anyway but no harm in making new friends. He can see the existing girl and boy at playtime if he wants to.

Thank you for the answer. Yes I was thinking the same.

OP posts:
Frozensun · 17/05/2026 06:32

Yes, separate class. This is a perfect time to increase his friendship group. (And yes, I have done the same where the friendship was not a positive one overall.)

Forestfire12345 · 17/05/2026 07:40

As a teacher and a parent, yes absolutely separate.

cmonspring · 17/05/2026 07:41

I would. I work in an infant school and have seen a few trio friendships, it never ends well and there’s always someone left out. Even though they’re in a class of 30 and there are other children to choose they just gravitate towards each other and there’s always an issue with something.
Now is the perfect time for a reset.

Hopeful20000 · 17/05/2026 09:02

Thank you all for the advice, that's what we were leaning towards...

OP posts:
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