I struggle with female friendships

[AmIJustCrapAtFemaleFriends]

I feel that I am crap at making female friends. But then again there are lots of women I get on well with.

I don't think I’ve got a lot of friends. I have a BF of 25 years and she is like a sister to me, but we only see each other every few months due to distance. We talk weekly.

Then I have 2 or 3 good friends I see for coffee or lunch where I live. I probably see one of them once a week.

At work I get along with all the women and have made some lovely friends there. We have a right laugh but I don’t see them out of work.

On the more negative side I don’t get on with my MIL and my SIL.

Also I was in a group of school mums and we all used to go out and do some things together but I’ve dropped out of it because I just think that the majority of them are horrible. There’s a queen bee in it and the others suck up to her and she can be quite bitchy. The other week I saw some of them out and I saw her literally cup her hand and whisper something and they all looked at me and laughed. I’m not offended but there and then I thought this is bullshit and I stepped back. We are all late 40’s FFS.

Even before this I thought that the majority of this group are actually quite horrible, selfish and unbelievably entitled. But then I still see pictures of them having a great time out together and I think, actually I’m the one at home and not out having a good time so perhaps the issue is me. I have a couple of friends in this group and they think a lot of them are awful, but they still hang out with them. Honestly it is like hanging out with Brooke from MAFSA.

I think the issue I have is that I just don’t like bitchiness and cattiness. I’ve had to step back from my in-laws because the women in my DH’s family basically scratch each others eyes out and tear each other down with the most awful comments, including to me. I’m just not used to that and I don’t like it.

AIBU to think that I just don’t know how to deal with female relationships?

Not that tired old retort again. 😴

I think you're just weighing things up -what you like about people and what you don't like - preferences! Why do people behave like they do - bitchy, sheep following the crowd - because they don't want to be the next one dropped and it's easier to go along with it than walk away.

As you get older you notice things about people sooner - red flags based on what you've already experienced and you make choices - do I go there again or do I not - it all depends on you.

It sounds to me like the mum group are those people who all hang out together reinforcing each other’s behaviour as they are too insecure to disagree in any way. The social media thing is a dead give away. If they were really having a great time they wouldn’t feel the need to bang on about it so much. They are ‘bitchy’ to other women because they fear the negative attention will turn on them. I think where you went wrong is accidentally holding a mirror up to their faces. Much easier to turn on you than question their friendship choices. I don’t have loads of close friends but the ones i do have i know are good ones because they never make me feel lacking and things are just fun and easy and it sounds like you have this already.