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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please help me do better for my kids

4 replies

Annoymous1abc · 16/05/2026 11:56

I’ll start off by saying I’m really depressed but still try to be a good mother but everything feels really difficult. This is just for context and I don’t want to use this as an excuse.

I feel my kids are very isolated and will develop problems like me the older they get. We have no family nearby. I want them to have lots of friends and have a good social life but I don’t know how. They’ve only had a handful of play dates over the years and I’ve needed like a week to recover after so I know I’m doing something wrong. Can people please give me ideas on what I can do on playdates and how I can build a “village” for them and myself.

My eldest is a girl aged 10 my youngest is a boy aged 7. September is a big year for us as daughter will start secondary school and son will move from infants to Y3 school so this is a big chance for us to meet new people and make a fresh start. Please help me I feel so lost. I do suffer from anxiety and trauma so what will be a tiny thing for someone for example to have people over will be a stressful thing for me, my house is very messy too so I know step 1 is cleaning and declutter.

What kind of things do people do? Past times I’ve tried it’s ended up being really stressful such as when I asked a mum to join us cinema and I ended up paying the tickets for us and the mum and child plus buying food and it costed so much! The mother never paid me back as she maybe thought I was treating them as I invited them.

OP posts:
ToffeeCrabApple · 16/05/2026 12:21

If you are bothered about the mess at home, what about suggesting meet ups outdoors? At a park, or a bike ride, or a walk in the woods/along a river? You can take snacks or a picnic. Much cheaper than cinema trips etc.

Heraldry · 16/05/2026 12:26

Are they in any after school activities? We own horses and at the minute my kids are playing hide and seek in the hay bales with the kids of the stable owner, we live very rurally so they don’t usually get to play with many kids and it’s lovely to hear them all. Beavers/Scouts is a good one for simple fun and playing.

Queenelsarules · 16/05/2026 12:29

If you are finding socialising too challenging right now, could you sign your kids up for cubs/brownies or something similar so that they get the benefits of socialising with other kids but you dont have the social anxiety of socialising or inviting others over whilst you are struggling with managing your home?

aLFIESMA · 16/05/2026 15:16

The thing that will benefit you and your kids OP, is you finding little ways to feel calmer and more confident in yourself .Not always easy I know, but taking time out from busy mum stuff to find some guided meditations or breathing exercise on a podcast could be a start. Work on your 'inner voice' to put a stop to less than complimentary thoughts and start to value all that you do.
You will find that the more you notice and celebrate the little wins (even the very tiniest thing!) the better things feel. You deserve to live a happy and peaceful life x

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