AIBU to pretend to be asleep when my husband gets home late?

[PartyQuestion30th]

DH got in late from a black tie do last night. wIBU to pretend to be asleep so I didn’t have to litsten twice to his stories of it. It’ll save me later going ‘yes, you mentioned that last night’

a friend has a rule that if her partner is coming back late he goes to the spare room…that seems a bit much to me.

Couldn’t you just say hello, did you have a good night, but say it’s late so you’ll hear more about it tomorrow. That’s what we do if we are tired. It would feel very weird to just pretend to be asleep to me.

If it's late I don't think it's unreasonable to pretend to be asleep - presumably even if you aren't actually asleep you are tired and possibly sleepy. He can tell you about his evening tomorrow.

Yes I would pretend to be asleep.

I’ve pretended to be asleep when my DH comes back in late. I’m tired and he’d have me up later chatting away. We have a catch-up in the mornings anyway. You’re not being unreasonable.

I "pretend" to be asleep, but it's more because if I'm already in that position when he arrives home then it means I'm not up for a chat, that would fully wake me up. My DH knows this, so he knows that I'm either actually asleep or working on falling to sleep, so it's not time for chat.

Haha I do this, because he comes home wired and chatty and if I engage then I find I'm fully woken up again - he'll then inevitably fall asleep before me and I'll lie there listening to him snore and want to smother him. Mismatched energies late at night are bad for a relationship.

I wouldn’t consider not getting up or engaging as ‘pretending to sleep’. You just stayed in bed (presumably sans cartoon snores). I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Why would it be?

If I’m in bed and sleepy I usually pretend to be asleep, as I find that if I chat I then wake up more and can’t get to sleep later.

Completely true!

I've done this and I'm 100% sure DH has done it to me.

Yes this!

Agree with your friend. I wouldn't want to be disturbed at all.

I do this all the time, although i do actually try to get to sleep before he comes in. If he's asleep before me, i have to go on the sofa, I literally cannot bare the loud after alcohol snoring.

YANBU - I bet he knows you are faking it though !

We do spare room if after midnight, I just want to be able to relax and fall asleep when I want, without wondering when someone's going to wander in and "quietly" get ready for bed. It's easier than pretending to be asleep. Dh works in a job with lots of dinners/evening events and late night flights and it also means he can get himself undressed and ready for bed with the lights on and not worry about waking me.
Rather than pretending to be asleep just agree with him advance that you don't wanna hear about it when he gets in because you'll be tired, he'll be drunk and you would prefer to catch up properly in the morning. If he starts talking just say "tell me in the morning, I'm going to sleep".

My partner would want more than a chat, so yes I think it’s OK to pretend to be asleep….

I do what your friend does- especially since some weeks my DH has to go for work dinners till late and/or play a sport sometimes until really late. I have no desire to listen to him being hyper when half asleep. And I don’t think it’s going too far as I deserve sleep too.

Deffo do this. My DH works shifts and he always messages to say when he's on his way home, which is plenty of time for me to takr myself to bed when he's on lates🤣🤣 I love him dearly but I absolutely do not want to hear all about his day at work at gone midnight 🤣

I couldn't imagine my dh going to a black tie do without me. Couldn't you get a babysitter?

100% YANBU.

My DH does nights some weeks - 10.00pm to 7.00am, and he gets in at around 7.30am to 7.45am. He usually goes to bed 30 minutes after getting in. (We sleep in separate bedrooms and have done for the past 15 years since our early 40s because of his snoring.) So most times I wait for him to go to bed, and get up about 10 to 15 minutes after.

Unless I have to be up early, I wait til he has gone to bed before getting up, because when he gets in from work, he's really wired, and hyper, and won't stop talking, and following me from room to room, telling me all about his night at work.. If I've only just got up and not even had my shower and my first coffee, I can't be arsed to listen to him going on about his night at work, and buzzing around me like a wasp.

I would much rather just sit and have my coffee and breakfast alone, with the TV, or mooching through Mumsnet. I work part time, mostly from home, and my hours are flexible, so I have the luxury - fortunately - of being able to lie in til 8.30am if I wish. By then, he's gone to bed!

If he is at home, that's fine, because I usually get up before him, or around the same time. So he is just as dopey as me, until he's woken up properly! I just can't be doing with him when he's got in from work, especially as with you @PartyQuestion30th he will spend 20 minutes regaling me with what's been happening at work, only to tell it all to me again, 8 hours later - about half an hour after he gets up in the late afternoon.

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I’m team spare room.

Also team spare room - or couch. I don’t like being woken (even if I’m only dozing) and I don’t like the smell of alcohol laying next to me, snoring, or toilet wake ups in the night.

Can’t you just tell them to STFU and you’ll speak in the morning?

Surely he'd clean his teeth? I'm staggered by the amount of people who'd kick their dps into the spare room. You make him sound like a dog with 'toilet wake ups' .

I just don't understand the problem with his using the spare room. You're at different points in your evening. It's good manners, and logical.

You really think someone cleaning their teeth is going to get rid of the smell of alcohol? 😂