Screen time and toddler, help!

[ToddlerHeeeeelp123]

I'm at home full time with my 21 month old. Until a month ago, my child barely ever saw a screen. I was really quite smug about it. Genuinely, this child didn't even know the TV was something other than a black thing, it only went on after bedtime.

Something has shifted. The tantrums have multiplied. He won't let me change his nappy, his clothes, put clothes on him, put him in the high chair, take him outside (he loves being outside). EVERYTHING is a battle. I'm doing everything the books/parenting sites say. I don't ask him a yes/no question, I give warnings and tell him what I'm about to do, I give him a choice of 2 things etc. Nothing fucking works. If it wasn't for Teletubbies we would NEVER leave the house.

It's creeped up and by my maths today he had a total of 45 minutes of screen time (between outfit changes, nappy changes, and some evening TV (john deere construction vehicles)).

It's becoming a massive problem as he is now asking for it ALL the time. He gets upset if I don't have my phone on me for example. He wanted videos at bath time tonight, for the first time!!!

Do i go cold turkey and use zero devices going forward? The 10 minutes of watching construction vehicles was my only peace on an evening.....

Or do I not worry about it and chill a bit? He is very active, we are outside A LOT, and his speech is great, he's doing very well so far.

He's going to nursery on 1 September, full time, as I will be returning to work then.

I would go cold turkey. It's broken, oh dear, let's think of a story about a dragon with a hat instead. What's the dragon's name?

Also, I'm alone with him a lot, his dad is working abroad for a few months (it's a one off). My parents do help a bit BUT they would honestly put him in front of a screen 24/7. They completely do not understand me on this issue and are constantly shouting at me to turn on the TV when he has a tantrum. Sooo not helpful on this issue.

100% chill out , come September he will have barely anytime time for screens so really don’t stress. Be picky with what he watches , we love alphablocks, numberblocks and colourblocks, twirlywoos on CBeebies as they are pretty educational .

I’d go cold turkey. Not easy as it’s your phone which you presumably need on you sometimes rather than the tv but worth stopping him watching anything on it completely as it’s not solving any issues and has caused another big one.

45 mins is nothing, dont worry. Also if its tellytubbies etc its edicational, not YouTube. Maybe give him set tv time every day so he gets into a routine and isnt always asking for it. I would just try to avoid getting into a position where he will only eat if watching a phone as its very hard to get them out of that.

If he's already screaming for it then you already have a problem. Cold turkey is probably the easiest solution, only being able to change/dress him w they've on is not sustainable ad its not helpig his behaviour more generally.

Oh God yes, I had a proper argument with my dad who wanted to put the TV on when trying to convince him to go in the high chair. I draw the line at that. The ONE good thing I have going on right now is that he is a good eater, I'm not screwing that up.

I agree its broken for a while. Then maybe let it back in in a very controlled way. I would make sure it isn't every day as the first thing. Then I'd have only certain times/occasions that it 'works'. Lastly, him asking will never get a yes because jt only happens at those set times/occasions.

I agree. It started after a couple of ENORMOUS tantrums when trying to dress him. Really off the scale. My nervous system is shot from.constant tantrums at the moment.

Yup. 100%. When we have the post 'spending time with other kids on the family who have way more screen time' come down, it usually takes a week, before they're back to normal. It's really not worth those 10 minutes of 'calm', because the rest of the tantrums and asking etc just makes it too hard the rest of the time.

After about a week, ours stop asking and get back to normal. You just have to power through it.

And now we only have it on when a fever is higher than 38 ish and they're feeling too ill.. now my oldest knows that, and is gutted when it's 37.5/6/7.

Go cold turkey or set rules and maintain that boundary. My DD (20 months) gets about 20 minutes a day in the run up to her evening meal. Sometimes she has more (like if one of us ill) and we do then find that she asks for it allllll the time until she gets used to the normal boundary being enforced. She still asks for it more than we like but doesn't usually have a tantrum when we say now (in the past this was a big problem)

Cold turkey. And be firm with your parents.

I am not one of those mums with a long list of rules. When my kid is with my mum or MIL they are in charge, and I am sure their views on sweets and cakes are way more liberal than mine. I am grateful for the help and don't say anything. But they both know that there is one hard line that is never crossed under any circumstances and that is screens. None. Zero. Nada.
Fortunately they both agree.

Thanks! The problem is I watched TV all dat every day. I was an only child with parents who worked a lot and they just put me in front of the TV. I turned out very academic so they don't see the issue.

His behaviour has definitely taken a turn and I don't know how to handle it. HOW do you dress a child who really really doesn't want to get dressed? Like, he's screaming, hurting me, hurting himself, hyperventilating, etc, just from trying to put on a jacket. This was a month ago, before screen use crept up.

You'll have to go through a crap period of him wanting the screen. But then it'll get better. You can make getting dressed fun, a game, give choices, or you can just not bother with the jacket until they need it.

Your parents aren't realising that the tv we watched was slow paced, low rate screen transitions, muted colours. Now it's frame change frame change flashing neon colours, loud music etc. The clangers is pretty good still but a lot of shows are awful now.

I think the content shown on screens now is way different from when we were kids. It’s louder, higher pitched, brighter, more cartoons than actors - it overstimulates kids and as your son is not even 2 (still barely more than a baby) he absolutely doesn’t need this rubbish.

You are seeing a clear link between screen exposure and bad behaviour so you are quite right to say no thank you.

I am fully aware that as my kid gets older he will play at friends’ houses and use screens there. That’s ok. School may also use them. But he won’t have them at home. And certainly not at under 2 years old!

Mine is a similar age and I only use my phone for 2 minutes of Teletubbies for the evening toothbrush (as I just find that a particularly grim battle). Mine is also similarly resistant to things she used to be compliant about (nappy changes are a fairly big challenge), but I personally don't want to rely on her watching something to do what I need her to do. I try and have my phone away the rest of the time and she never asks for it. I wouldn't be worried in your situation as it's not that much, but I think if you want to change it then I also agree with going cold turkey. Xx

In situations like the jacket one, where alternatives solutions are available, you might need to be creative! E.gm, mine has gone out wearing one of my jackets before as she was happy with that as a solution 😄