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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to apologise after a joke about my friend fell flat?

12 replies

fruitfly3 · 15/05/2026 14:16

Made a joke about a friend in a group setting. It didn’t land at all well and looked like I was trying to make her look silly. She tried to brush it off, I redirected the conversation and made myself look awful and the conversation awkward. The joke was about something silly - the sort of thing we can all do but for some reason on a given day, we can’t do it (like work the microwave at someone’s house or get the lid off a drink). It had happened earlier in the day, we’d laughed about it. For some stupid reason I brought it up in the group later in the day and she didn’t like it at all. I’m not mean spirited in the slightest, don’t make jokes at someone’s expense generally. It just came out (I’d had a drink - we were having a laugh, no excuse but relevant context). Now I feel awful - like I was trying to make her feel stupid. We spent the rest of the day together and she was fine but it’s bothered me all week. Do I just get over it or apologies belatedly?

OP posts:
Clarabell77 · 15/05/2026 14:18

If it’s on your mind it won’t do
any harm to offer an apology and explain yourself.

Babybirdmum · 15/05/2026 14:19

Yeah just say “sorry if I embarrassed you at dinner the other day, I didn't think before I spoke and instantly regretted it. I don’t think you’re daft I just thought it would be a funny story, but I was wrong. You’re a great friend and I would t want to have upset you even unintentionally.”

Whyarepeople · 15/05/2026 14:20

My best friend once mocked unconsciously mocked my accent (mine is different to hers). It surprised me more than hurt me and she looked mortified. She mentioned it later and apologised, which I appreciated. I knew she'd never do something like that maliciously so it was fine, but the apology was still nice to have.

I suspect your friend will feel the same way. Don't make a big deal out of it - just say 'I think I put my foot in it - I was trying to be funny but it came across as mean, I'm sorry.'

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/05/2026 14:20

You should have just apologised at the time, I don’t understand why you didn’t when she said she really didn’t like it. I’d apologise now

Krevlornswath · 15/05/2026 14:21

Why wouldn't you simply apologise as soon as you could? You did something and it hurt someone's feelings/was not appropriate by the sound of it.

I'm sure we've all misjudged something socially at one point or another in our lives but not apologising when you know this is a bit odd. I'm sure she would appreciate you speaking on it even if she does pretend it doesn't matter.

Morepositivemum · 15/05/2026 14:24

Things like this just come out, especially if you both laughed- I’ve done stupid thing and same thing happened, friend made a joke but actually afterwards all friends asked was I ok as they’d thought it was mean, I said no way, it was funny! I think you dealt with it as fine as anyone would at that moment!

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 15/05/2026 14:25

Tbh if it's your friend she probably knows but if it's bothering you then i'd apologise or get her some flowers or something.

fruitfly3 · 15/05/2026 14:28

Yes fair, I’ll apologise when we’re next together rather than on text. I don’t know why I didn’t at the time - we were in a big group having dinner and at opposite ends of the table - but should have done afterwards.

OP posts:
champagnetrial · 15/05/2026 14:28

Apologise, but don't make it about you (eg I can't stop thinking about it...I feel awful...it's been really bothering me...) so she doesn't have to reassure you and make you feel better.
Simple and to the point. 'I'm so sorry I said that thing. Please accept my apology."

fruitfly3 · 15/05/2026 14:29

@champagnetrial good advice, thank you!

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 15/05/2026 14:39

Babybirdmum · 15/05/2026 14:19

Yeah just say “sorry if I embarrassed you at dinner the other day, I didn't think before I spoke and instantly regretted it. I don’t think you’re daft I just thought it would be a funny story, but I was wrong. You’re a great friend and I would t want to have upset you even unintentionally.”

This is perfect. Takes accountability with no excuses. Comes across as heartfelt but not over the top. If I was the friend I would appreciate and accept the apology.

Stoicandhappy · 15/05/2026 15:27

I did something like this once. I called my friend and apologised profusely. She took my apology very graciously.

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