Would you rush to move out?

[stayandsave]

Along with my toddler, I moved back into my parents’ house late last year. It was a complicated situation involving domestic abuse, I am now a solo parent.

I have a small pot of savings, work part time but have the opportunity to have minimal outgoings and save extremely well while I am here. My parents are kind and accommodating. However, there is not much space, it feels temporary and naturally relationships are a bit strained now we are all back under one roof. I also want to put down roots somewhere so my little one can have his own room and space. He does currently have a very small room but it’s a cot put in the small guest room and isn’t the most ideal.

I will probably not for a long time get an opportunity to save in this way again however it is weighing up if that is worth the lack of space, autonomy and increased pressure on relationships? I could probably get a shared ownership house if I went to do it now or soon.

What would you do?

Bump

I would stay put and save as much as you can. If your parents are kind and accommodating, it could be a lot worse!

@stayandsavewhat are your parents' feelings? Did they expect it to be a short term arrangement when you moved in?
Have an honest conversation. If there is strain on either or both sides you should move out and regain your independence. If that means shared ownership it's not ideal but still your own space and marginally better than simple renting.

What do your parents think? And are you contributing to their costs?

Surely the conversation needs to be had with your parents on whether even staying longer is a definite option?

If relationships are already strained, they may crave their own space again, and prefer that you move out if you can.

i went 'home' for a while after my first marriage ended with our toddler in tow. My parents were amazing and loved having us there and I will be honest, it was great for the most part. We muddled along well together and my little one loved having her Nanny and Grandad there and they loved being able to spend time with her and be more in her life.

However, after about 6 months I started to crave our own space again and it was me that then made the decision to go. Having our own home, where my DD could have her own toys and her own room, ended up being more important and I felt it important that I didn't become too reliant on them and started being on my own again.

It is great to have the opportunity to save some money but make sure your parents are fully on board with you staying and maybe set yourself a timescale to get yourself out and back out there and on your own again. Staying too long could make it more difficult if your LO becomes attached and comfortable living with their grandparents. Moving them away from what will become their normal and their home could prove challenging.

They are mostly happy with the arrangement most the time and want me to stay and the next move be the right one so we don’t have to move and move again. It’s really kind, they definitely have the best interests of DS at heart. I do sense that they want their own space though and I feel somewhat in the way and guilty about all the mess that comes along with having a toddler in their home that they work hard to keep pristine.

@ErlingHaalandsManBun sounds like a very similar situation. He loves having them there, and they love him being around, but we all worry about it being a huge change for him when we do find our own place and perhaps worse the older he gets for it being a noticeable transition. How old was your DD if you don’t mind me asking?

@stayandsave my DD was 19 months old when we moved in with my parents. She adored being with Nanny and Grandad and they loved being part of her everyday life. I was so scared that she would not want to leave and would struggle to adjust to it being just the two of us. She was just over 2 years old when we moved into our own place and it was actually fine. But I think I timed it about right because any longer and I think it would have been a real struggle to pry her away from her Grandparents house.

Its a tough one and its hard to know what to do for the best.