TW birth injuries

[Coldcoffeekindamorning]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy01kgzgpwxo

AIBU to ask if we can have a discussion about this? I had a 3c tear with my last baby, I ripped right into my labia and my asshole tube. I was so fortunate that I am not incontinent but I have suffered for almost 4 years with pain and discomfort, especially for the first 2 years and my life has completely changed by it. I used to be very active, run 3 times a week and I have not been even able to run past 3k without getting pains. I've also not been able to do things with the kids that I would have wanted, for instance for a long time I have not been able to walk for long periods of time, when my youngest got past 1 year, I couldnt carry him for long without getting pains. I would have loved to spend all day outside with my kids but for years it wasnt possible. I feel like I've been cheated out of a huge chunk of my life.

I have spent so much money on a private women's health physio and she has done a great job but even with that it has been a 4 year struggle. There have been times I have had to just lie down at home and wait for the agonising pain to pass. The NHS has been utter useless.

I am so fortunate that I have been able to afford a private physio but I am not rolling in cash and there are many things that the family have had to forego so that I can get my physio. When I was postpartum I was given an appointment for an NHS physio and they were basically useless and told me wrong things to do and it felt like they were just working through a generic check list rather than treating me as a person with individual injuries. I feel absolutely awful for the women left with proper no care after such events and it makes me so angry that women are tossed aside like this.

Can we have a chat about life with birth injuries after maternity leave has ended and the hidden struggle we go through?

This is why I had an elcs. It's abysmal.

I had an emergency c-section with my first and then a v-bac with my second. I am glad that I had a vaginal birthd and although it was bloody painful, I enjoyed the experience. It was amazing to give birth in thay way. It's everything that followed that has been very difficult both physically and emotionally. I don't regret giving birth that way though even despite the past 4 years but I just think if the proper care was there it wouldn't have had to be this bad.

I wish they told you how common issues like prolapse are, even with straightforward deliveries.

This is why I had 2 Elective CSec. I have a very wide circle of friends and only ONE of them had a delivery without any damage or serious issues after. So many have prolapse issues, tears that were not stitched properly, bladder issues , just trauma.
my CSec were just seamless. Recovery took a max of 2 weeks but my private area is intact and normal as before.
im really sorry you went through this. A relative went through similar and has such bad MH issues resulting from this.

Yes, you have actually just reminded me that I had a mild prolapse too but I forgot about it ontop of everything else!

That's so nice that your friends talk about this kind of stuff. I feel like in my friendship groups that most women don't talk about it after the postpartum stage. It's like when people just stop talking about how their kids don't sleep because it just becomes normal. It can be really isolating that's for sure.

Why is the VBAC experience worth life changing pain?

My daughter has just delivered her 1st child & unfortunately ended up with a 4thD tear resulting in surgery straight after the babys arrival.
Obvs very sore still & now has a UTI too - so my sympathies to new Mums who've had such traumatic deliveries.

(Their baby was in a real rush to be delivered but when his heart rate dropped suddenly she had Ventouse then Forceps, then the tear)

She said yesterday that when asked about contraception options that nothing will be going near there for now😬 And if they are to ever consider more children her delivery options are c-section only

I don't think it was worth it. I see them as two different events - the birth and then the aftermath. I didn't know that what would happen. I view the birth as a good experience and even the weeks after were ok, I could get out of bed and move around with much more ease than after my c-section. That made a difference because at the time I had a toddler too. The problems started when my muscles didn't heal properly and the postpartum stage ended. I found the recovery from a c-section very hard and I thought a vbac might have been a better option and for the first few weeks it was until it wasn't.

Your poor daughter. I would definitely seek out a women's health physio for her asap. I hope that she has lots of help around her.

Hi. I had a very bad birth experience with my first DS - third degree tear, surgery right after the birth. That was nearly 21 years ago! It took a very long time for me to heal. The pain of the first couple of months was horrendous to go to the toilet. I used to use vaseline and bite on a wooden spoon. The lack of sex in our marriage for a couple of years took its toll. Then I got pregnant again and all I could think about was giving birth again. It was definitely a trauma response - couldn't sleep, crying for weeks. 'Luckily' it was twins so once I had my first scan at 17 weeks, I knew I would have a C section without too much fight. The C-sec healed well but I had a bad allergic reaction to the drugs. Still, that was just a couple of months of issues, not long term like my vaginal birth.

Now DS is nearly 21 but I have mild incontinence issues with poo leaking. I need to use panty liners and just feel quite dirty and yuck as a result. It affects my self esteem and ability to feel sexy or attractive. I don't feel able to go to the doctor as it's embarrassing and I also have no faith they would do anything effective (probably a physio wait for 2 years and then a couple of sessions of ineffective treatment). If I thought the doc could help in any meaningful way, I would force myself to face the embarrassment.

Thank you for talking about these issues. It is needed.

I've just read the article. Yes, I had forceps. DS was also injured coming out and has some issues today which I often wonder whether they were caused by those injuries to his head. Forceps are brutal.

You most go to the doctor. If you are leaking poo sounds like you need a surgical intervention.

Don’t suffer in silence OP.

This is not acceptable in this day and age. You probably need surgery/proper repair. I would insist on it. I feel so angry on your behalf.

OP, I know I have been been scathing of the NHS but you absolutely must go to see your GP. You do not have to live like this, you deserve so much better. I'm so sorry that you've been going through this for so long, you must be very strong.

Your boor baby and poor you! Did you raise these concerns or did they do any follow ups? My heart goes out to you.

I had no trust in an NHS natural birth, so have an elective c section. I'm sorry you are going through this OP.

It definitely needs to be talked about more. It was one of my fears about a a VB and when DD1 turned into a C section I have to admit to feeling some relief. I chose an elective with DD2. I too have several friends who have been left with prolapses and varying levels of incontinence etc. ranging from being not able to jump on a trampoline to severely life-limiting. I feel very fortunate to have had my two children and emerged unscathed other than my C section scar, which I will take any day over some of the alternatives.

The problem is just the randomness of it. If everyone could be assured a straightforward vaginal birth with no issues then I think you’d find most people would opt for that, but the reality is that there’s no way of knowing which camp you’re until you’re in it and by then it’s often too late,

A few days after his birth the midwife sent us to hospital as I discovered a large lump behind his ear. Hospital weren't worried and said it was forceps bruising and it would go. It did eventually go but compared to the size of his little head, that is quite some swelling and bruising.

I wasn't aware of issues till he was at school (difficult when first child). He found reading, writing, dressing, focusing very difficult. It was really only when my younger ones started school that I realised how difficult it had been for him and just how easy it was for them. By then he was 8 and I was in the thick of it. It's only been much more recently I connected the early bruising with his difficulties and I've wondered...

I had 3rd degree tear after my first birth surgery straight after huge PPH and ended up on ICU where they refused to let DH be as it was first week of the first lock down. What an utterly shit time. The after care was also dreadful due to Covid. I had two blood transfusions and was sent home two days later. DH was ‘allowed’ to be there once I was 6cm (induction) and the birth and was sent away shortly after I came out of theatre. God awful.

second baby ELCS and it was a dream.

I had prolapse issues and still get poo smear on my pants occasionally. I have worked really hard on physio exercises (which were over the phone initially!!!) and am back running. DC 1 is 7. If I run too hard or too long I notice it for sure

I had a forceps delivery after 3 days in slow labour, induction and about 2 hours of pushing (I had nothing left to push with).

The consultant cut me between the muscles instead of across one. Grabbed DD so hard she has dents in her cheekbones.

My episiotomy didn’t heal because the muscles went into spasm and were pulling apart once the stitches dissolved. I was brushed off for 18 months and had another years wait to be seen by a gynae. They injected Botox to stop the muscles pulling against each enter. Had 3 treatments over the next 2 years then they said I couldn’t have any more.

I couldn’t climb stairs without being in agony. Long walks were off and absolutely no sex. After 6 or 7 years they said there was nothing more they could do. Surgery wasn’t an option because of how much scar tissue would need to be removed and how tight the resulting area would be. They were concerned about that becoming unmanageable during menopause.

9 years in I slipped getting out of the bath and it tore open again. I was given the option at A+E (after 5 hours of waiting) of being stitched or leaving it to heal. I asked for a second opinion and they rang the on call gynae who said the same. On the phone. I said I wasn’t making a decision based on the opinion of a man who hadn’t even examined me and opted to go home with 2 types of ultra high strength anti-biotics. Saw my lovely female GP the next day who said I had done the right thing. Over the next few weeks new skin grew bridging the gap and has given me much less discomfort since. I can walk and climb stairs without pain killers.

DD is 16 now and says she never wants children. She doesn’t know about all of the above yet and part of me is please that if she maintains that position, she’ll never risk the above happening to her.