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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fed up with my mum criticising my sister?

30 replies

Honeysucklelane · 14/05/2026 20:59

I’m getting fed up of my mother’s irrational anger / annoyance over the way my sister lives her life, what she spends her money on and how cluttered and messy her home is.

She’ll visit my sister more and spend more time with her than me, not bother to see me even though I’m local. Then she’ll bitch to me afterwards about how chaotic their life is and how much money they waste.

She was absolutely livid they’d brought new garden furniture, literally in a ranty rage about it, yet they have the money and it’s their home. It’s gorgeous too. Totally irrational response, I cannot understand her anger.

WTAF is that about? And why do I have to suffer the verbal offloading whilst trying to defend my sister?

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeysucklelane · 16/05/2026 20:25

Cheesipuff · 15/05/2026 07:38

What was DM’s married life like -very hard up?, serious financial problems as she had no savings for emergencies?
What was DM’s mother like , or her father - skinflint, out of work a lot ,
what was DM’s siblings like - one favourite who got lots while she got nothing.
try looking into her life at that stage- is that where her anger comes from

Edited

My mum grew up with very little money. My nan was endlessly practical and made their clothes etc. DM has always lived very frugally, but will happily blow money on taking me and DSIS for nights away.

My DSIS has plenty of money though, so getting angry about how she spends it is irrational behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeysucklelane · 16/05/2026 20:29

ConfusedSoShutUp · 15/05/2026 08:43

"Mum, you need therapy for your control issues. Please stop talking about this with me, or leave."

On repeat.

Do you actually enjoy spending time with her?

(Child of super controlling/abusive mother here)

Sometimes it’s enjoyable. I tried to talk to her about it and she claimed it’s because she cares and can see my DSIS is spending money on ‘all the wrong things.’ And claims my BIL has told her on several occasions he’s fed up of my DSIS spending habits. I said if he is that’s up to him to sort out and he has joined in with spending, likes going for meals out etc and wants a new car every 3 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeysucklelane · 16/05/2026 20:33

DoggusDomesticus · 15/05/2026 07:44

Quite. Tell her stop. Point out that your sister can live her life, and spend her money however she likes and you're not going to listen to your mum trashing her.

And hang up phone/walk away etc. if she persists.

Show quote history

I have said to her it’s up to them how they live their life and what they buy, it’s silly for you to get so annoyed about it and say mean things. She argued she doesn’t say mean things, she cares about DSIS and worries. I said they’re happy living their life their way, she said well they’re not I can see they’re not. Then claimed my BIL has told her he’s fed up of my DSIS spending money, so I said that’s up to him.

For the record I don’t believe he has said that to her, because he would know that she would be over critical with my DSIS. My DM assumes things that haven’t actually been said to her.

OP posts:
user1497787065 · 16/05/2026 23:10

I suspect she’s jealous. My DM did this.

Original poster
Honeysucklelane · 18/05/2026 21:54

Wallywonker72 · 15/05/2026 13:31

my mum can be a little like this, but without the anger / insults. She had fairly fixed ideas about how things ‘should be’ , for her normal = what she would do 🙄. Eg my sister lived in a basement flat for a while. The big window at the front was set in a bay shaped space, and my sister just had a very light Roman blind on it, and just bare wall on each side. My mum thought she was made not to put proper heavy insulating curtains on the window and covering the bare wall, to make it ‘more cosy and warm looking’. My sister hates clutter and likes clean open space. But my mum went on and on and on, repeating her opinion over and over, both to my sister and to me. It’s like she thinks we haven’t understood and recognised the wisdom of what she’s saying, so she has to keep saying it until we do 🙄

Mine is exactly like this too!

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