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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH should have better cleanliness/tidiness standards

14 replies

ChitterChatter1987 · 14/05/2026 19:25

DH and I just had a heated argument because I have had a go at him tonight about 2 things that have really bugged me today.Firstly, he is wearing a tshirt and there are white marks on the shoulders because he has wiped his grubby mouth on there.I think this is really disgusting, told him so and that it is the sort of behaviour i'd expect of a toddler.I have raised this before (which tbh with a 37 year old man I don't think i should have had to do in the first place) and now having to do so AGAIN i'm really pissed off and also told him it is a turn off.There were also issues awhile back with him not changing his pants daily which not sure if it has resolved or not, but again no excuse for in my book.
The other (admittedly lesser) thing that has annoyed me that I raised was that he keeps going off to work in the morning and leaving the kitchen worktop covered in weetabix crumbs.This just feels sloppy and disrespectful to me- fair enough weetabix is messy but i've asked him on multiple occasions to either open it over the sink or just wipe up the crumbs after.We have 2 young children, another due soon, so I'm heavily pregnant and do not need an adult to tidy up after aswell as the kids.DD1 has ASD/ADHD so already feel like a broken record asking her to tidy up after herself but obviously she is a child.
He is now trying to use every excuse defensively.... bad day/ bad night's sleep/ mental health/ possible neurodiversity himself but IMO it's not good enough.He is an adult and having basic skills of tidying up after himself and wearing clean clothes should surely just happen.
He says i'm being unreasonable, accusing me of being a perfectionist, having OCD blah blah blah.
I said i would ask Mumsnet if i am being unreasonable......

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 14/05/2026 19:27

He sounds like a filthy slob, YANBU at all.

BellatrixpureBlood · 14/05/2026 19:29

Wanting your partner to change their boxers everyday is not OCD.

the tshirt thing is a bit weird and sloppy.

the weetabix crumbs makes me think he’s doing it on purpose to annoy you

tiramisugelato · 14/05/2026 19:32

Presumably he hasn't turned into a slob overnight. What attracted you to such a disgusting specimen to begin with?

NothinLeftToTax · 14/05/2026 19:33

Sounds like a knob. I have a similar husband and after 22 years I can assure you the respect just dies.

Withthe2Ls · 14/05/2026 19:42

not unreasonable but I guess it all depends on approach, tone etc because from this post it just reads like you hate this man tbh

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 14/05/2026 19:45

To be honest he sounds absolutely puke. Poor you. What an example to your kids 😔

Cartwrightandson · 14/05/2026 19:50

Lol I bet you don't fancy him nor want to have sex with mister dirty boxers

ThePoetsWife · 14/05/2026 20:02

And you’re pregnant again with him?!

SALaw · 14/05/2026 20:24

Cartwrightandson · 14/05/2026 19:50

Lol I bet you don't fancy him nor want to have sex with mister dirty boxers

She’s pregnant with their third child?!!!

Nogimachi · 14/05/2026 20:29

YANBU. Fresh pants daily is standard, wiping up crumbs is standard, wiping your face on your clothes is very unusual unless you are under 5.
I would take the tack that you don’t want a row but these are small things that would make a big difference to you, with a third baby soon to look after it would be appreciated if he can make an effort here.

outerspacepotato · 14/05/2026 20:33

🤮

Ick. Sorry.

Clean clothes daily. Carry a hankie or tissues for the mouth wiping, geez, he sounds like a grubby toddler. I wouldn't have gotten any Date 1.

The mess he leaves, he cleans up.

Sorry, I wouldn't live like that. That's disrespectful and disgusting.

Pinkflamingo10 · 14/05/2026 21:45

My 5 year old boy wipes his face in his t-shirt ! I’m telling him off daily for it.
for a grown man to do this is absolutely gross.

ChitterChatter1987 · 14/05/2026 21:49

Thanks for the replies.Oh I certainly don't hate him...he isn't a 'bad' husband in general, and i don't think he is doing these things intentionally to annoy me, however these little things wind me up, and the result still is that it feels lazy/disrespectful and obviously it's unacceptable and needs to change.He has apologised and accepted it isn't ok, then said he doesn't even realise he is doing these things, but this is kind of an issue in itself.He quite possibly is neurodiverse to be honest, as he can be very forgetful, and rigid with habits, however i've told him that still doesn't help me out or change the fact it isn't ok. I said maybe he needs to set reminders or leave notes for himself or something.It's wierd as he isn't generally unkept or anything- he is quite regimented about showering regularly and keeps his hair cut, beard and nails trimmed etc.But then has had the complete opposite with the pants and mouth wiping thing! 🤷‍♀️
The pants thing came about since I got pregnant....basically i was noticing many more of my knickers than his pants in the wash so challenged him about it and said i wouldn't have sex with him again until it changed.It did then improve, but I haven't monitored it recently as we haven't been having sex much anyway as i'm too tired.

OP posts:
Peonies12 · 14/05/2026 21:59

That’s not great but equally you have chosen to get pregnant with him so it can’t annoy you thst much.

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